Dear ObaaYaa,

I am a banker in one of the reputable firm in the country. I have dated a lady who is also a caterer for the past four years and now want to get married.

Both of us finally decided meet her dad. And to my surprise, her father is against our marriage for no reason.

Surprisingly, my girlfriend sides with her dad, but she tells me she doesn’t know why he doesn’t agree.  Or maybe it has been the plan all along for her not to marry me.

I’ve invested a lot in this relationship; rent, her business, my duty of care, and even healthcare, but they still say no.

Should I fight back? She’s living in a place I rented. Should I take my room back if she’s not going to explain? Or should I just be patient and see how it goes? I’m hurt, frustrated.

Safo, Takyiman.

Dear Safo,

The most important thing here is not the money you’ve spent or the support you’ve given. Marriage requires two willing people and, usually, the support of their families.

Her father’s refusal is not the biggest issue. Parents sometimes object to relationships for cultural, religious, family, or personal reasons. The bigger concern is that after four years together, your girlfriend is not being open with you about why.

Don’t “fight back” by taking revenge. If you rented the place solely for her and decide to end the relationship, you can make arrangements regarding the accommodation in a respectful and lawful manner. However, using the room or financial support as a weapon will only create more conflict and won’t solve the real problem.

 Give them time to explain, but not forever. If weeks or months pass without a clear answer, you may need to accept that they have made their decision.

Protect your dignity. A person who wants to marry you will usually work with you to overcome obstacles. If your girlfriend refuses to explain and continues to support her father’s decision without discussion, that is valuable information about where you stand.

My advice is to remain calm, request a direct explanation, and make your next decision based on her response. If she cannot give you an honest feedaback, it may be wiser to step away than to keep investing your time, emotions, and resources in a relationship with no clear future.

Dear Obaa Yaa,

 I will report my sister to the police and have her arrested if it comes to that. I gave her money for a business and she used the money to get married.

My sister called that she wanted GH¢10,000 for something urgent.

She said it was for a business she wanted to start and that the person getting her the stock to sell was in China and was asking for that amount.

I sent the money to her in two instalments. I sent GH¢5,000 first and, a week later, sent another GH¢5,000.

The next day after I’d sent the last instalment, my mom called to tell me my younger sister was getting married. 

 Nadia, Akosombo.

Dear Nadia,

Your anger and sense of betrayal are understandable. You lent your sister GH¢10,000 based on her claim that she needed capital to start a business, only to discover shortly afterward that she had used the money for her wedding.

Anyone in your position would feel deceived. Before involving the police, have a direct and calm conversation with her. Ask her why she misrepresented the purpose of the loan and whether she still intends to repay the money within the agreed period. Give her an opportunity to explain herself and honour her commitment.

If she acknowledges the debt, insist on a clear repayment plan, preferably in writing, stating how and when she will repay the money. This can help prevent future misunderstandings.

Since this is a family matter, consider involving trusted relatives or elders to mediate if discussions become difficult. Family relationships can be damaged permanently by legal battles, so every effort should be made to resolve the matter amicably first.

However, if your sister refuses to repay the money, denies receiving it as a loan, or continuously avoids accountability, you may seek legal advice to understand your options. Keep records of the transfers, messages, and any conversations that show the money was given as a loan.

For now, focus on seeking repayment and accountability rather than punishment. Recovering your money and preserving family relationships, if possible and that should be the primary goal.