Obaa Yaa
l suspect she has secret lover
Dear Obaa Yaa,
l am 28 years old trader and l have a lady who is 25 years old and also a petty trader. We have planned to stay without sex and use the period to study each other well before getting married.
We have planned not to visit each other in the night in order to avoid falling into the temptation of indulging in pre-marital sex. During this period, we occasionally buy nice gifts for each other and our birthdays are treated with special presents.
Since she comes to assist me in selling my goods, l have suggested that we occupy the same shop where l operate but she has objected to it for the reason that her customers will find it difficult to locate her.
My lady occasionally visits me on Sundays because that is the only day we do not sell in the market.
As the years pass by and desires keep mounting, l have asked her for sex but she has refused to give in to my request.
Judging from her actions and utterances these days, l am suspecting that she has a secret lover who she gives much attention to of late and, therefore, does not mind me these days.
l am planning to pick someone who will satisfy my sexual desires and probably marry me if the need be. Should l go ahead?
Matthew, Akim Oda.
Dear Matthew,
Marriage is a life-long process which is complex and goes beyond sex. Therefore, a partner who is capable of providing a fraction of this requirement would eventually become a failure.
Your decision not to visit each other in the night to prevent the two of you from indulging in pre-marital sex is commendable, since it takes ladies who are morally strong and prepared to withstand temptations while in friendship.
As the two of you have made a decision about your future, you should encourage each other to stick to your principles.
Suspicion is not good in a relationship, therefore, try to iron out petty issues with her and matters will be good.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Thank you for publishing my article with the heading above. I am back to answer your two questions.
Luckily, my in-laws are in their family house whilst we are in our own house. It all started when my husband started building a house.
I didn’t know they disliked me. I’ve always tried to play my role as an in-law.
But upon an attitude they developed, I have stopped.
Now, they come in groups to my house to insult me for no reason. My step daughter who is in Junior High School (JHS) 3 has been turned against me.
Now the girl only visit the house just to disrespect me and return to her aunties.
My husband mostly get angry over his family’s behaviour and exchange words with them sometimes. They insult him in turn, claiming I have cast a spell on him.
They are under the impression that my husband has transferred all the household properties to me, including two cars he has already registered in my name.
The situation is very painful and distressing. We are both worried.
My children are much worried because they can no longer visit the family house.
Obaa, let me hear from you soon, as this man needs to bless the marriage at the church.
Cecilia Antwi,
Mampong
Dear Cecilia,
Thanks for responding to our letter. The situation calls for a family meeting to resolve the issue once and for all.
Make a formal complaint to your family head and let him summon both families for a formal arbitration so that both parties can air their grievances to pave the way for differences to be ironed out.
You may also complain to your pastor to act in concert with the family head to make the summons a more effective one.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I overhead my wife talking to someone on the phone. I still don’t know who that person was but it could be any of her friends.
In her conversation, I overheard her telling someone how lucky the person was. She said “Do you know how much he gives me to keep the home? I am even tired of the marriage.”
These words from my wife shocked me. In her conversation, he insulted me to her friend, describing me as a lazy person.
Our marriage is only two years old and we don’t have a child. I work very hard but I earn little.
When I confronted her, she told me she was just joking and for that matter is not something serious.
I didn’t want to drag it but the more I think of it, the more I get hurt knowing the woman I married doesn’t appreciate my effort.
What hurt me the most was when she said her friend should give her husband to her.
I am lost, I feel she doesn’t need me in her life. How can I forget about this?
Abraham, Takoradi
Dear Abraham,
Have you considered having an open and honest conversation with your wife about how you are feeling?
In my opinion, it is possible that she is not aware of the efforts you are making.
Communication is key in any relationship, and talking things through can help clear up misunderstandings and strengthen your bond.
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