Obaa Yaa
Itching to find out if he loves me
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have a boyfriend and things have been moving on smoothly with us without sex until recently when I came across a young graduate who has completed his national service and living in the same vicinity with me.
This gentleman looks unfriendly when viewed from afar but he is down- to- earth and loves all people.
Additionally, he is serviceable and ever willing to give a helping hand no matter the type of work.
In view of this, I always call him whenever I am in dire need of assistance and I have taken him as my sibling.
Though he is good to me, he has never proposed to me but keeps on calling me “My love”.
He is such a caring and nice gentleman and my instinct tells me to find out from him whether he is interested in me, but my friends told me not to draw his attention to that because they believe he is doing this from his heart.
I am not convinced because when I checked his messages this evening, he has expressed his appreciation to me for all that I have been doing over the period. I sometimes go to his house and prepare food for him and he appreciates all that I do and tells me he loves me.
I would like to find out from him if he is interested in me because he is the shy-looking type who will always like to keep himself from trouble. When it comes to worse I will simply back out of getting close to him, though he is of immense assistance to me.
My boyfriend too has a lot on his hands so I don’t want to worry him sometimes. What should I do?
Ama, Tema.
Dear Ama,
Some people hardly talk openly express their feelings in public no matter the promptings or temptations that they are confronted with.
Your situation can be likened to an open race type for which you have to study the two gentlemen thoroughly and possibly wait for the opportune time to take decision.
Once you have not received any response from the new gentleman to know his intention or what he feels about you, there is every reason to maintain your composure. Equally essential is the need to be careful with your friends since not everyone will be sincere in the pieces of advice they will give.
Inasmuch as it is important to tread cautiously and let time be a determining factor in this case, you ought to play your cards in a diplomatic manner in order to get the best person out of the two.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
