Obaa Yaa
He has broken my heart
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a Level 300 student in the university and started a relationship with a gentleman in October last year.
I was deeply involved with him to the extent that I thought I had found the ideal man I had prayed for and was not prepared to listen to anyone but was ready to spend the rest of my life with him.
This young man gave me the assurance that he was everything I needed in a relationship and was prepared to marry me.
Before reaching this decision, he introduced me to a couple of friends that I was the one he was going to marry and promised to take me to his parents. This gave me the impression that I was the only person in his life and that he will do everything to marry me.
Early this year, there were signs that our union was not on a sound footing because he received series of calls from a particular lady but he declined to pick the calls. Later he picked and promised to call the person later. This confirmed my fears that there was something wrong with our relationship.
My initial enquiries proved that he had somebody but he denied when I questioned him. It became clear that the nice bond of love that we claimed to have established was a stock pile of deceit.
I had the shock of my life when a close friend of his confirmed my fears that my lover has a two-year-old child.
Things became worse before April and we finally had to break up in May.
I never cheated on him but I love this guy and did everything to make him happy. What should I do now since my heart is broken?
Ama, Accra.
Dear Ama,
It is unfortunate that this gentleman has given you the false hope that he was going to marry you and the promise made you to put your trust in him.
Now that you know his character do not give him the opportunity to deceive you that it was a mistake.
Remember that this guy cannot be trusted because he has a child and was only making fun of you.
Thank God that the secret surrounding this gentleman has been revealed and you now know your stand.
Take heart and listen to what your conscience tells you. Re-organise your life and with time, you will definitely get your partner who will be faithful and love you. .
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have lost one eye (the left one). I lost it due to marital quarrels but my parents still want me to return to the marriage. When I got married, I believed I was beginning a new, exciting chapter. Instead, I walked right into a furnace meant to ‘burn’ me.
The insults came first, then the beatings. I didn’t have to do anything big. I spat while he was eating. He shouted at me and asked if I didn’t have any decorum.
My third child was barely a year old when my husband threw me out of the house at dawn. What was my sin? I was sleeping too much while our baby disturbed him at night. He said I should be awake to put the baby to sleep.
It was around 1 a.m. I was too tired to do anything, but I tried my best and managed to find my way back to my parents’ house. I handed my baby to my mom, fell on a bed, and slept like I had just returned from war.
I didn’t have to tell them what had happened. They already knew. I was sent back home even before my husband came looking for me.
Then came the day that changed my life forever. The day my husband made me blind in one eye. What should do?
Efua, Takoradi.
Dear Efua,
To be sincere, you should not return to that marriage unless your safety can be guaranteed and there is clear evidence of change. Losing an eye as a result of domestic violence is not a minor marital dispute, rather, a serious act of abuse.
My heart breaks for you. No one deserves to be treated this way. Being insulted, beaten, thrown out of the house in the middle of the night with a baby, and ultimately losing an eye are clear signs of severe abuse.
Marriage is meant to provide love, respect, and protection, not fear and suffering. Parents may encourage reconciliation because they value family unity, but no tradition, culture, or family expectation should require a woman to return to a situation that has already caused permanent physical harm.
Your safety and wellbeing must come first. Seek support from trusted family members, counsellors, religious leaders, women’s rights organisations, and the appropriate authorities if necessary.
Before any discussion of reconciliation can take place, there must be accountability for the abuse, genuine repentance, and assurance that such violence will never happen again.
A woman who has lost an eye because of domestic violence should not be pressured to return to her abuser. She deserves safety, dignity, healing, and the opportunity to rebuild her life.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a woman in my mid-30s. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past 14 years.
We have built a strong bond over the years, and despite everything, I still love him deeply.
However, our relationship hasn’t been perfect. Throughout the years, we have decided to try as much as possible to make it work.
A few months ago, he travelled to the Dubai. He recently confessed something that has completely surprised me.
He informed me that he had mistakenly gotten another woman pregnant. Despite everything, he wants to marry me and is making plans for me to join him abroad so we can settle down.
The situation has become even more complicated because the woman she has impregnated is also insisting she should marry her.
Yet he keeps assuring me that I am the woman he truly needs to spend his life with.
Parts of me wants to walk away after all the betrayals. Another part of me feels 14 years is hard work for me to let go. I can’t stop wondering if there are more of secrets he is hiding.
Baaba, Sunyani.
Dear Baaba,
If you have been with a man for 14 years and he has impregnated another woman, the decision about whether to let him go depends on more than just the pregnancy. Is your boyfriend remorseful of what he has taken you through?
A pregnancy creates a lifelong connection between him and the other woman because they will communicate for the sake of the child.
After 14 years, you deserve clarity and commitment. It may be worth asking whether staying is serving your happiness and self –respect.
Do not focus only on the fact that he impregnated another woman, but on what his actions over the years over the kind of partner he has been.
