Obaa Yaa
In love with mother of three
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I Am a student in a tertiary institution and in love with a woman who has three children. This woman and my parents were co-tenants and her husband used to send me on errands which I gladly carried out.
Her husband, a God-fearing man who was generous, never stopped showering gifts on me, and this made me develop a special love for him. One day, as I went to their house to deliver a parcel the man had asked me to collect for him, I met only the wife who told me her husband had travelled to attend an emergency meeting.
She accused me of neglecting her over the period not concerned about her welfare. According to her, running errands for her husband alone was not enough and that I should have occasionally asked if there was something I should do for her.
The woman led me to one of the rooms in the house where they had gathered washed clothes which were not arranged. Having shown me the room, she asked me if I could spare a little of my time to assist her in arranging the clothes.
This lady used the opportunity while we were in the room to find out if I had a girlfriend. When I said no, she asked what I was waiting for and why I should deprive pretty girls of my age from being loved and shown affection.
She, therefore, moved to where I was and began to fondle me and warned me not to voice out to anyone. She deliberately fondled me for a while and what followed could not be described.
Having introduced me to an amorous life and with the promise that all would be well, I find it difficult to stop moving with this woman.
What should I do?
Kwame- Koforidua.
Dear Kwame,
You should not depend on the leniency of this gentleman to spoil his marriage. Nobody in the right frame of mind will be happy with what you are doing. This man could easily kill you if he discovers that you are sleeping with his wife. A word to a wise is enough.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have lost one eye (the left one). I lost it due to marital quarrels but my parents still want me to return to the marriage. When I got married, I believed I was beginning a new, exciting chapter. Instead, I walked right into a furnace meant to ‘burn’ me.
The insults came first, then the beatings. I didn’t have to do anything big. I spat while he was eating. He shouted at me and asked if I didn’t have any decorum.
My third child was barely a year old when my husband threw me out of the house at dawn. What was my sin? I was sleeping too much while our baby disturbed him at night. He said I should be awake to put the baby to sleep.
It was around 1 a.m. I was too tired to do anything, but I tried my best and managed to find my way back to my parents’ house. I handed my baby to my mom, fell on a bed, and slept like I had just returned from war.
I didn’t have to tell them what had happened. They already knew. I was sent back home even before my husband came looking for me.
Then came the day that changed my life forever. The day my husband made me blind in one eye. What should do?
Efua, Takoradi.
Dear Efua,
To be sincere, you should not return to that marriage unless your safety can be guaranteed and there is clear evidence of change. Losing an eye as a result of domestic violence is not a minor marital dispute, rather, a serious act of abuse.
My heart breaks for you. No one deserves to be treated this way. Being insulted, beaten, thrown out of the house in the middle of the night with a baby, and ultimately losing an eye are clear signs of severe abuse.
Marriage is meant to provide love, respect, and protection, not fear and suffering. Parents may encourage reconciliation because they value family unity, but no tradition, culture, or family expectation should require a woman to return to a situation that has already caused permanent physical harm.
Your safety and wellbeing must come first. Seek support from trusted family members, counsellors, religious leaders, women’s rights organisations, and the appropriate authorities if necessary.
Before any discussion of reconciliation can take place, there must be accountability for the abuse, genuine repentance, and assurance that such violence will never happen again.
A woman who has lost an eye because of domestic violence should not be pressured to return to her abuser. She deserves safety, dignity, healing, and the opportunity to rebuild her life.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a woman in my mid-30s. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past 14 years.
We have built a strong bond over the years, and despite everything, I still love him deeply.
However, our relationship hasn’t been perfect. Throughout the years, we have decided to try as much as possible to make it work.
A few months ago, he travelled to the Dubai. He recently confessed something that has completely surprised me.
He informed me that he had mistakenly gotten another woman pregnant. Despite everything, he wants to marry me and is making plans for me to join him abroad so we can settle down.
The situation has become even more complicated because the woman she has impregnated is also insisting she should marry her.
Yet he keeps assuring me that I am the woman he truly needs to spend his life with.
Parts of me wants to walk away after all the betrayals. Another part of me feels 14 years is hard work for me to let go. I can’t stop wondering if there are more of secrets he is hiding.
Baaba, Sunyani.
Dear Baaba,
If you have been with a man for 14 years and he has impregnated another woman, the decision about whether to let him go depends on more than just the pregnancy. Is your boyfriend remorseful of what he has taken you through?
A pregnancy creates a lifelong connection between him and the other woman because they will communicate for the sake of the child.
After 14 years, you deserve clarity and commitment. It may be worth asking whether staying is serving your happiness and self –respect.
Do not focus only on the fact that he impregnated another woman, but on what his actions over the years over the kind of partner he has been.
