Obaa Yaa
I love him and his child
Dear Obaa Yaa,
We met in church and have since become very close to the extent that people refer to us as siblings. Though we stay far from each other, we make time to meet at the least opportunity during the day.
With time, l got to know that he has a child with a lady but has not married her due to the threats he had received from her parents.
He told me he had lost interest in the lady because of the sudden change in her behaviour.
What made matters worse was that her parents said they would not allow me to marry their daughter because l was poor and she would suffer if l married her.
Though matters had gone this way, he loved this lady and they often talked about their child. The two of us have decided not to indulge in sex throughout the period of our courtship and thank God we have kept to this promise.
We enjoyed the best of life, no quarrels and we always tried to patch up any misunderstanding between us.
My fear is that since l have not received any confirmation from him, don’t you think he can possibly go back for this girl, since they have a child?
Mary, Accra.
Dear Mary,
I think you have met a good young man who can support you as a reliable husband.
Judging from what you have said about the two former lovers, the possibility of the two coming together is great.
Secondly, the young man’s fortune could change to pave the way for re-marriage. Should this happen, you have nothing to lose because you have played it safe by not indulging in sex, which could probably cloud your ability to take the right decision.
This lady could easily convince people that you have forcefully taken her husband from her.
You could be jumping before the horse, therefore, control yourself and see how things will unfold as time goes by.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a Muslim and I have been married for the past 14 years and the fruit of the womb has been one of my challenge. My husband and I have tried so many options but it didn’t work.
God been so good, I am currently 15 weeks pregnant and after undergoing screening tests, doctors told me that my baby is highly likely to have Down syndrome.
According to them, the results are around 95 per cent suggestive, and they are strongly recommending termination of the pregnancy. They also mentioned that there are more confirmatory tests available, but these may take another 4 to 5 weeks, and by then the pregnancy will be more advanced, making termination medically more complicated if the diagnosis is confirmed.
Because of this, my family and even my husband are encouraging abortion after consulting multiple doctors.
My heart feels extremely torn and confused. Part of me wants to wait for the confirmatory tests because I fear making such a serious decision based only on probability and fear. I want to know what Islam teaches regarding abortion in such a situation.
Is it permissible to terminate a pregnancy because of a likely disability such as Down syndrome, or should I continue the pregnancy and trust Allah? Please guide me sincerely because this matter is weighing heavily on my heart and faith.
Ramatu, Wa.
Dear Ramatu,
This is a deeply painful and sensitive situation, and my heart goes out to you. May Allah grant you strength, wisdom, and peace as you navigate this difficult decision.
In Islam, every human life is sacred, and decisions regarding abortion are treated with great seriousness. Many Islamic scholars distinguish between screening tests, which estimate the likelihood of a condition, and diagnostic tests, which provide much greater certainty. A screening result suggesting a 95 per cent chance of Down syndrome is still not a definitive diagnosis.
Because of this, many scholars advise against making an irreversible decision based solely on screening results. If possible, it is advisable to undergo the confirmatory diagnostic tests and seek the guidance of trustworthy Muslim medical professionals and knowledgeable Islamic scholars before making a final decision.
It is also important to remember that Down syndrome is not a terminal illness. Many individuals with Down syndrome live meaningful lives, bring immense joy to their families, and contribute positively to their communities. Their lives have dignity and value in the sight of Allah.
At the same time, Islam recognises genuine hardship. Some contemporary scholars have discussed limited circumstances in which abortion may be considered before 120 days (approximately 17 weeks) if there is a confirmed severe fetal abnormality and reliable medical evidence, but there is significant scholarly disagreement. Down syndrome alone is generally not regarded by many scholars as sufficient grounds for abortion, particularly when the diagnosis is not yet confirmed.
Continue to make du’a, perform Salat al-Istikharah, and seek counsel from a qualified Islamic scholar who understands both Islamic jurisprudence and the medical facts of your case. Whatever decision you make should be based on accurate medical information, sincere consultation, and your desire to seek Allah’s pleasure.
May Allah guide you to what is best, ease your burden, and bless you and your family with His mercy and wisdom.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Baaba is my name and doctor by profession. The women in my family have not been lucky enough when it comes to marriage. When it got to my turn to tie the knot, I thought prayers had broken the family curse until my husband gave me my first slap.
According to sources, women in my mother’s generation were cursed because my grandfather had an affair with a married woman. When the woman’s husband found out, he cursed my grandfather and all his generations.
When I heard that story, I took my prayer life very seriously. I went to church, and every chance I got, I prayed against that curse. I spoke to my pastor about it, and we prayed together. I fasted, sowed seeds, and gave generously to God’s work. My pastor assured me the curse had been broken and that I was free forever. I went ahead and married the man I had dated for six years.
Ever since, slapping in my home has become normal thing. What should I do?
Dede, Obom.
Dear Dede,
From what you have shared, it is understandable that you connected your husband’s actions to the story of the alleged family curse.
However, an incident of domestic violence should not automatically be seen as proof that a curse is at work. Your husband’s decision to slap you is his responsibility, and it should not be excused or explained away as a spiritual inheritance.
The first priority is your safety. Calmly let your husband know that violence is unacceptable and that you will not tolerate being physically abused. If he is remorseful and willing to change, encourage him to seek counselling, preferably with a qualified marriage counsellor, trusted religious leader, or therapist.
Both of you can also attend marriage counselling to address any underlying issues in your relationship.
Continue to nurture your faith if it gives you strength, but avoid living in fear that your life is controlled by a family curse. Prayer can provide comfort and guidance, but it should go hand in hand with practical steps to deal with harmful behaviour.
If your husband continues to be physically abusive or the violence escalates, do not remain silent. Seek support from trusted family members, church leaders who take abuse seriously, or the appropriate authorities. No one deserves to live in an abusive marriage, regardless of spiritual beliefs.
Remember, a healthy marriage is built on love, respect, patience, and self-control not fear or violence.
Protect your well-being while giving your husband the opportunity to take responsibility for his actions and change.
