Obaa Yaa
I love him and his child
Dear Obaa Yaa,
We met in church and have since become very close to the extent that people refer to us as siblings. Though we stay far from each other, we make time to meet at the least opportunity during the day.
With time, l got to know that he has a child with a lady but has not married her due to the threats he had received from her parents.
He told me he had lost interest in the lady because of the sudden change in her behaviour.
What made matters worse was that her parents said they would not allow me to marry their daughter because l was poor and she would suffer if l married her.
Though matters had gone this way, he loved this lady and they often talked about their child. The two of us have decided not to indulge in sex throughout the period of our courtship and thank God we have kept to this promise.
We enjoyed the best of life, no quarrels and we always tried to patch up any misunderstanding between us.
My fear is that since l have not received any confirmation from him, don’t you think he can possibly go back for this girl, since they have a child?
Mary, Accra.
Dear Mary,
I think you have met a good young man who can support you as a reliable husband.
Judging from what you have said about the two former lovers, the possibility of the two coming together is great.
Secondly, the young man’s fortune could change to pave the way for re-marriage. Should this happen, you have nothing to lose because you have played it safe by not indulging in sex, which could probably cloud your ability to take the right decision.
This lady could easily convince people that you have forcefully taken her husband from her.
You could be jumping before the horse, therefore, control yourself and see how things will unfold as time goes by.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I took off my wedding rings but could not find it again. I was washing when I took them off and placed them on a wall close to me. Honestly, after washing I forgot to pick them up until the evening, when my husband asked where my ring were, I quickly dashed out of the room to check where I had placed them, but they were not there. My husband made it clear that I was cheating that was why I could take my rings off and lose them.
I was packing to leave the house when the bags fell and I heard a tinkling sound of metals instead of plastic. I looked around the floor, and my rings were lying there.
Who took the rings and kept them there and why would the person do that to me just to shake the foundation of my marriage?
Oye, Tabora.
Dear Oye,
Your husband’s reaction was abusive, not just angry. Accusing you of cheating was just mean.
Rings don’t prove fidelity, trust does. Your response was fair: taking rings off to wash is normal, and cheating has nothing to do with it.
The fact that the rings ‘mysteriously’ ended up in your bags suggests someone moved them deliberately to cause conflict. A partner who jumps to punishment instead of problem-solving will do it again when the next misunderstanding happens.
If indeed your husband threatened and pushed you out, kindly talk to someone you trust in the family or a counsellor before moving back in. If you choose to stay, your husband needs to apologise and let peace to reign.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
My life started falling apart the very day I got married. I started experiencing a series of unfortunate events, which nearly broke me.
In the first year into our marriage, I lost a very lucrative job when my wife was pregnant.
I was scheduled for an interview at the Korle-Bu Teaching Hospital.
Immediately I got down from a taxi, out of nowhere, a motorbike at full speed knocked me down. I broke my leg and was admitted to the hospital for three months.
I lost the opportunity for the breakthrough. Since then, things have become difficult for my family. Is my problem spiritual or what?
Mawuli, Keta.
Dear Mawuli,
Stop linking your hardships to your wedding. Job loss, accidents, and unemployment are painful situations but that doesn’t mean your marriage is cursed.
In life, there are misfortunes and I urge you to continue to pray hard and wait upon the lord.
Focus on what you can control right now: your health, your finances, and your mental health.
Focus on your leg, take any work to build momentum, and consider therapy to break the “everything is a spiritual attack” cycle. Talk honestly with your wife; you two are a team, not the problem.
