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Obaa Yaa

I love him and his child

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Dear Obaa Yaa,

We met in church and have since become very close to the extent that people refer to us as siblings. Though we stay far from each other, we make time to meet at the least opportunity during the day.

With time, l got to know that he has a child with a lady but has not married her due to the threats he had received from her parents.

 He told me he had lost interest in the lady because of the sudden change in her behaviour.

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What made matters worse was that her parents said they would not allow me to marry their daughter because l was poor and she would suffer if l married her.

Though matters had gone this way, he loved this lady and they often talked about their child. The two of us have decided not to indulge in sex throughout the period of our courtship and thank God we have kept to this promise.

We enjoyed the best of life, no quarrels and we always tried to patch up any misunderstanding between us.

My fear is that since l have not received any confirmation from him, don’t you think he can possibly go back for this girl, since they have a child?

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Mary, Accra.

Dear Mary,

I think you have met a good young man who can support you as a reliable husband.

Judging from what you have said about the two former lovers, the possibility of the two coming together is great.

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Secondly, the young man’s fortune could change to pave the way for re-marriage. Should this happen, you have nothing to lose because you have played it safe by not indulging in sex, which could probably cloud your ability to take the right decision.

This lady could easily convince people that you have forcefully taken her husband from her.

You could be jumping before the horse, therefore, control yourself and see how things will unfold as time goes by.

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Obaa Yaa

It’s a no for civil engineering

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MY daughter completed Senior High School this year and she had a very good grade.

With her grade, her father wants her to pursue Computer Science Engineering, but she had an interest in Civil Engineering.

Finally, admission forms are out and my daughter got Civil Engineering.

Her father doesn’t pay for her school fees because she did not choose the course he wanted her to offer.

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Due to this, they don’t see eye to eye and it is causing tension at home.

Please, how do I reconcile father and daughter? I am so stressed with what’s going on between the two. Thank you.

Enyonam, Keta.

Dear Enyonam,

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BOTH of them have legitimate feelings: the father may be worried about her future and wants to guide her, while your daughter wants to pursue a field she is genuinely interested in.

Do not try to settle the matter when either person is angry. The purpose should not be to decide who is right, but to find a solution that protects their relationship and your daughter’s future.

Ask your daughter to explain why she chose Civil Engineering.

She should explain what attracts her to the course, the subjects involved, the career opportunities and, importantly, why she believes she can succeed in it. If she has researched the universities and career paths, she should present that information to her father.

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Talk to the father that financial support should not become a weapon.

It is understandable that a parent wants to have a say in a child’s education, especially when paying the fees. However, withdrawing educational support simply because his daughter chose a different legitimate course can damage their relationship. He can express his disagreement while still supporting her and allowing her to take responsibility for her choice.

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Obaa Yaa

My crush is giving me attitude

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Dear Araba,

THERE is this handsome gentleman in my area I am crushing on badly. He gave me a lift to the office a month ago and I mistakenly farted in the car.

When the incident happened in the car, he just stared at me but looked unbothered, which made me a bit comfortable.

Araba, Takoradi.

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Dear Araba,

HONESTLY, I don’t see anything wrong with that. You are human, and human beings fart. The fact that he didn’t say anything or make you feel uncomfortable probably means he understood that it was an accidental, normal bodily function.

Ever since that incident happened, he has stopped calling or texting me. He doesn’t even give me a lift any longer.

Please, tell me, is it a crime to fart in your crush’s car?

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What is keeping you embarrassed after months is not the fart itself but the meaning you have attached to it. You have replayed the incident so many times that it has become bigger in your mind than it probably ever was in his.

Just confront him that it was a mistake and, for that matter, we should let go of everything and move on.

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