Obaa Yaa
She backs out of marriage
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Convinced that we love each other and nothing could hold us back from becoming husband and wife, we planned to get married before December this year.
Unfortunately, unexpected quarrels and anger in every matter made it impossible for us to carry out this plan. My lover, for reasons best known to her, changed her attitude and would not compromise in any way.
Despite repeated calls from our friends, she has refused to listen to their plea for an amicable settlement of what the problem was.
After a couple of weeks, a friend informed me that my lover has been going out with another gentleman. This information made me to understand the sudden change in her.
Checks further revealed that my lady had a divided attention, hence her decision to leave me for good.
Though it was heart-rending, l could not do otherwise and had to leave the matter as it had occurred and she went ahead to marry her sweet heart.
After two years in a happy marriage, she surprisingly called me one evening to tell me that she was sorry for leaving me. She, however, concluded that she was not happy and would like to end the marriage and come back to me.
What should l do?
Kwame- Tema.
Dear Kwame,
You have done well by entertaining this former friend of yours, even after she had rendered your heart and went ahead to marry another man.
Do you think she would have called to find out how you fared if things had gone on smoothly in her marriage?
The husband will definitely blame you for breaking his marriage if she dared divorce him and later marries you. His anger will be intensified if he discovers that you were the former boyfriend.
One cannot explain why she took that decision to pick somebody over you, and what has changed this time?
Therefore, if she has decided to back out of the marriage let her carry her problems alone.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I took off my wedding rings but could not find it again. I was washing when I took them off and placed them on a wall close to me. Honestly, after washing I forgot to pick them up until the evening, when my husband asked where my ring were, I quickly dashed out of the room to check where I had placed them, but they were not there. My husband made it clear that I was cheating that was why I could take my rings off and lose them.
I was packing to leave the house when the bags fell and I heard a tinkling sound of metals instead of plastic. I looked around the floor, and my rings were lying there.
Who took the rings and kept them there and why would the person do that to me just to shake the foundation of my marriage?
Oye, Tabora.
Dear Oye,
Your husband’s reaction was abusive, not just angry. Accusing you of cheating was just mean.
Rings don’t prove fidelity, trust does. Your response was fair: taking rings off to wash is normal, and cheating has nothing to do with it.
The fact that the rings ‘mysteriously’ ended up in your bags suggests someone moved them deliberately to cause conflict. A partner who jumps to punishment instead of problem-solving will do it again when the next misunderstanding happens.
If indeed your husband threatened and pushed you out, kindly talk to someone you trust in the family or a counsellor before moving back in. If you choose to stay, your husband needs to apologise and let peace to reign.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
My life started falling apart the very day I got married. I started experiencing a series of unfortunate events, which nearly broke me.
In the first year into our marriage, I lost a very lucrative job when my wife was pregnant.
I was scheduled for an interview at the Korle-Bu Teaching Hospital.
Immediately I got down from a taxi, out of nowhere, a motorbike at full speed knocked me down. I broke my leg and was admitted to the hospital for three months.
I lost the opportunity for the breakthrough. Since then, things have become difficult for my family. Is my problem spiritual or what?
Mawuli, Keta.
Dear Mawuli,
Stop linking your hardships to your wedding. Job loss, accidents, and unemployment are painful situations but that doesn’t mean your marriage is cursed.
In life, there are misfortunes and I urge you to continue to pray hard and wait upon the lord.
Focus on what you can control right now: your health, your finances, and your mental health.
Focus on your leg, take any work to build momentum, and consider therapy to break the “everything is a spiritual attack” cycle. Talk honestly with your wife; you two are a team, not the problem.
