Obaa Yaa
She backs out of marriage
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Convinced that we love each other and nothing could hold us back from becoming husband and wife, we planned to get married before December this year.
Unfortunately, unexpected quarrels and anger in every matter made it impossible for us to carry out this plan. My lover, for reasons best known to her, changed her attitude and would not compromise in any way.
Despite repeated calls from our friends, she has refused to listen to their plea for an amicable settlement of what the problem was.
After a couple of weeks, a friend informed me that my lover has been going out with another gentleman. This information made me to understand the sudden change in her.
Checks further revealed that my lady had a divided attention, hence her decision to leave me for good.
Though it was heart-rending, l could not do otherwise and had to leave the matter as it had occurred and she went ahead to marry her sweet heart.
After two years in a happy marriage, she surprisingly called me one evening to tell me that she was sorry for leaving me. She, however, concluded that she was not happy and would like to end the marriage and come back to me.
What should l do?
Kwame- Tema.
Dear Kwame,
You have done well by entertaining this former friend of yours, even after she had rendered your heart and went ahead to marry another man.
Do you think she would have called to find out how you fared if things had gone on smoothly in her marriage?
The husband will definitely blame you for breaking his marriage if she dared divorce him and later marries you. His anger will be intensified if he discovers that you were the former boyfriend.
One cannot explain why she took that decision to pick somebody over you, and what has changed this time?
Therefore, if she has decided to back out of the marriage let her carry her problems alone.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a Muslim and I have been married for the past 14 years and the fruit of the womb has been one of my challenge. My husband and I have tried so many options but it didn’t work.
God been so good, I am currently 15 weeks pregnant and after undergoing screening tests, doctors told me that my baby is highly likely to have Down syndrome.
According to them, the results are around 95 per cent suggestive, and they are strongly recommending termination of the pregnancy. They also mentioned that there are more confirmatory tests available, but these may take another 4 to 5 weeks, and by then the pregnancy will be more advanced, making termination medically more complicated if the diagnosis is confirmed.
Because of this, my family and even my husband are encouraging abortion after consulting multiple doctors.
My heart feels extremely torn and confused. Part of me wants to wait for the confirmatory tests because I fear making such a serious decision based only on probability and fear. I want to know what Islam teaches regarding abortion in such a situation.
Is it permissible to terminate a pregnancy because of a likely disability such as Down syndrome, or should I continue the pregnancy and trust Allah? Please guide me sincerely because this matter is weighing heavily on my heart and faith.
Ramatu, Wa.
Dear Ramatu,
This is a deeply painful and sensitive situation, and my heart goes out to you. May Allah grant you strength, wisdom, and peace as you navigate this difficult decision.
In Islam, every human life is sacred, and decisions regarding abortion are treated with great seriousness. Many Islamic scholars distinguish between screening tests, which estimate the likelihood of a condition, and diagnostic tests, which provide much greater certainty. A screening result suggesting a 95 per cent chance of Down syndrome is still not a definitive diagnosis.
Because of this, many scholars advise against making an irreversible decision based solely on screening results. If possible, it is advisable to undergo the confirmatory diagnostic tests and seek the guidance of trustworthy Muslim medical professionals and knowledgeable Islamic scholars before making a final decision.
It is also important to remember that Down syndrome is not a terminal illness. Many individuals with Down syndrome live meaningful lives, bring immense joy to their families, and contribute positively to their communities. Their lives have dignity and value in the sight of Allah.
At the same time, Islam recognises genuine hardship. Some contemporary scholars have discussed limited circumstances in which abortion may be considered before 120 days (approximately 17 weeks) if there is a confirmed severe fetal abnormality and reliable medical evidence, but there is significant scholarly disagreement. Down syndrome alone is generally not regarded by many scholars as sufficient grounds for abortion, particularly when the diagnosis is not yet confirmed.
Continue to make du’a, perform Salat al-Istikharah, and seek counsel from a qualified Islamic scholar who understands both Islamic jurisprudence and the medical facts of your case. Whatever decision you make should be based on accurate medical information, sincere consultation, and your desire to seek Allah’s pleasure.
May Allah guide you to what is best, ease your burden, and bless you and your family with His mercy and wisdom.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Baaba is my name and doctor by profession. The women in my family have not been lucky enough when it comes to marriage. When it got to my turn to tie the knot, I thought prayers had broken the family curse until my husband gave me my first slap.
According to sources, women in my mother’s generation were cursed because my grandfather had an affair with a married woman. When the woman’s husband found out, he cursed my grandfather and all his generations.
When I heard that story, I took my prayer life very seriously. I went to church, and every chance I got, I prayed against that curse. I spoke to my pastor about it, and we prayed together. I fasted, sowed seeds, and gave generously to God’s work. My pastor assured me the curse had been broken and that I was free forever. I went ahead and married the man I had dated for six years.
Ever since, slapping in my home has become normal thing. What should I do?
Dede, Obom.
Dear Dede,
From what you have shared, it is understandable that you connected your husband’s actions to the story of the alleged family curse.
However, an incident of domestic violence should not automatically be seen as proof that a curse is at work. Your husband’s decision to slap you is his responsibility, and it should not be excused or explained away as a spiritual inheritance.
The first priority is your safety. Calmly let your husband know that violence is unacceptable and that you will not tolerate being physically abused. If he is remorseful and willing to change, encourage him to seek counselling, preferably with a qualified marriage counsellor, trusted religious leader, or therapist.
Both of you can also attend marriage counselling to address any underlying issues in your relationship.
Continue to nurture your faith if it gives you strength, but avoid living in fear that your life is controlled by a family curse. Prayer can provide comfort and guidance, but it should go hand in hand with practical steps to deal with harmful behaviour.
If your husband continues to be physically abusive or the violence escalates, do not remain silent. Seek support from trusted family members, church leaders who take abuse seriously, or the appropriate authorities. No one deserves to live in an abusive marriage, regardless of spiritual beliefs.
Remember, a healthy marriage is built on love, respect, patience, and self-control not fear or violence.
Protect your well-being while giving your husband the opportunity to take responsibility for his actions and change.
