Obaa Yaa
She backs out of marriage
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
Convinced that we love each other and nothing could hold us back from becoming husband and wife, we planned to get married before December this year.
Unfortunately, unexpected quarrels and anger in every matter made it impossible for us to carry out this plan. My lover, for reasons best known to her, changed her attitude and would not compromise in any way.
Despite repeated calls from our friends, she has refused to listen to their plea for an amicable settlement of what the problem was.
After a couple of weeks, a friend informed me that my lover has been going out with another gentleman. This information made me to understand the sudden change in her.
Checks further revealed that my lady had a divided attention, hence her decision to leave me for good.
Though it was heart-rending, l could not do otherwise and had to leave the matter as it had occurred and she went ahead to marry her sweet heart.
After two years in a happy marriage, she surprisingly called me one evening to tell me that she was sorry for leaving me. She, however, concluded that she was not happy and would like to end the marriage and come back to me.
What should l do?
Kwame- Tema.
Dear Kwame,
You have done well by entertaining this former friend of yours, even after she had rendered your heart and went ahead to marry another man.
Do you think she would have called to find out how you fared if things had gone on smoothly in her marriage?
The husband will definitely blame you for breaking his marriage if she dared divorce him and later marries you. His anger will be intensified if he discovers that you were the former boyfriend.
One cannot explain why she took that decision to pick somebody over you, and what has changed this time?
Therefore, if she has decided to back out of the marriage let her carry her problems alone.
A CEO visited his office and saw a man who was scrolling through his phone while sitting on a sofa.
The CEO asked, “What are you doing?”
The man replied, “Wasting my time until I’ll get paid.”
The CEO was furious, “What is your weekly salary!?”
Man, “$1000”
The CEO counted $2000 and gave it to the man, “Take this money and get out! You don’t work here anymore!”
The man silently took the money and left.
CEO walked up to the reception, “By the way, who was this guy?”
The receptionist said, “Pizza delivery”.
I didn’t understand why my father abandoned me as a child until he appeared recently and told me my mom placed a curse on him.
I was about thirteen or fifteen, my mom took me to the front of a big house and told me that is where I belong.
I knocked the door and the man sacked me from the house to go back to my mother.
Life with my mother was very tough until God came through for me to gain a scholarship.
Years later, I’d returned from abroad when this man walked up to me apologising.
I take care of him and provide him with everything. He needs my attention but I doubt if he will get that from me because he didn’t take care of me.
Jojo, USA.
Dear Jojo,
This is such a heart breaking story. No child deserves to grow up wondering why a parent was absent or feeling abandoned.
If your father’s explanation is true, the responsibility for leaving you still rests with him. A curse, fear, or conflict with your mother may explain his decisions, but it does not excuse abandoning his child.
Parents have a duty to love, protect, and remain present in their children’s lives, regardless of the problems between them.
Now that he has returned, it is reasonable to listen to what he has to say, but you do not have to accept everything without question. Ask him honest questions about why he stayed away for so many years, why he never tried to reach you, and what he hopes to achieve by reconnecting now. His willingness to take responsibility for his choices is more important than the explanation he gives.
At the same time, try not to carry the burden of your parents’ conflict. Whatever happened between them was their issue, not yours. You were an innocent child who deserved the love and presence of both parents.
If you choose to rebuild a relationship with your father, let it happen gradually. Trust is earned through consistent actions, not just words. If you decide not to have a close relationship with him, that is also your right. Forgiveness, if you choose it, should be for your own peace of mind, not because you are obligated to overlook the pain you experienced.
Most importantly, remember that your worth was never determined by your father’s absence. His choices reflect his decisions, not your value as a person.
The past cannot be changed, but how you respond now can help you find healing and peace.
