Obaa Yaa
I had an affair with my friend’s fiancée
Dear Obaa Yaa,
It is exactly four years now since I befriended a lady who I got along with very well. She was very friendly and the easy-go type. In no time, she became a ‘darling girl’ of a few friends of mine.
The bond grew stronger and a few around us suspected we were actually dating.
One thing led to another and we had an affair after which we asked ourselves how it happened but we remained cool with ourselves.
It was after the act that she told me about her fiancé living in the USA but had not shown any seriousness in the relationship and was opened to any serious guy that comes around.
We continued having affair as and when we felt like and never bothered each other over whether we should be in a proper relationship.
She later relocated to Kumasi as her father was transferred but we remained buddies, charting heartily on phone for some time until she got a job that engaged her a lot.
Recently, I met an old friend of mine who has also relocated to Accra from Kumasi and after a brief chat, he promised to introduce his wife-to-be to me.
On the said date when we met, it was this good old friend of mine and that has left me confused over whether to tell my friend or not, although we vowed to keep what happened between us as a secret.
Lee Manuel, Ablekuma
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Dear Lee Manuel,
Your story is a very touching and emotional one but I am glad you opened up to me for advice. First of all, I would advise you open up to your friend to let him know everything that has happened so that he knows the kind of lady he is about to marry.
She lied and was not loyal to both you and your friend which is not right and fair.
If you keep the ‘secret’ to yourself and not open up, your friend will be disappointed in you when he finds out from someone else.
Remember what ever goes around comes around so be open and tell your friend. Let him know because he was not in the fray when you two were frolicking around.
All the best in your approaches and remember not to hide anything but tell the truth to your friend.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young gentleman who is 25 years of age. I have been dating a lady for the past three years and I have plans of taking her to the altar.
However, there is a problem that threatens the love and bond that exits between us.
Growing up, I have vouched not to engage in any sexual intercourse with my girlfriend. But she seems to have an issue with it.
According to her, my decision makes her feel I am not truly in love as I claim . I must say that I am confused about the situation and I don’t want to lose her because I love her so much.
Thomas, Wa.
Dear Thomas,
First of all, there is nothing wrong with your decision to abstain from sex before marriage. True love is not only proven through physical intimacy, but also through respect, patience, understanding and shared values.
If your girlfriend truly loves you, she should be willing to respect your convictions just as you respect her feelings. It is important for both of you to have an honest and calm conversation about your beliefs, expectations and future together.
Let her understand that your decision is not because you do not love her, but because you value both her and the relationship deeply.
At the same time, try to listen to her concerns without judging her. Relationships survive when couples communicate openly and support each other’s principles. Never feel pressured to do something against your values simply out of fear of losing someone.
A healthy relationship should not force one partner to compromise their morals.
If the two of you truly see a future together, then patience, trust and mutual respect will help strengthen your bond. Stay true to yourself while continuing to show her genuine love, care and commitment.
I wish you all the best.
My dad has threatened not to attend my wedding; instead, he has been raining curses on me.
Each morning and night, he would call and rain curses on me, telling me I was bringing shame and bad luck to my marriage because I told him, my step father will be present.
I have personally been to his house to invite him, yet he keeps telling me he can’t make it. What should I do?
Kwesi,
Suhum
Dear Kwesi,
Your dad’s curses, guilt, and threats come from his pain and fear of losing his role, but that doesn’t make his behaviour idle.
You can love him as your father and still set a firm boundary for him.
If he crosses that line, end the call or stop replying his messages. Protect your wedding and your peace by limiting contact, especially late at night and early morning, and stand by your partner.
Remember, respecting your dad doesn’t mean erasing the role your stepdad played – both can matter without problems.
Don’t let his behaviour dictate the start of your marriage. You can’t control if he comes around, but you can control not letting his anger affect your emotions.
