Obaa Yaa
I had an affair with my friend’s fiancée
- /home/u249204778/domains/spectator.com.gh/public_html/wp-content/plugins/mvp-social-buttons/mvp-social-buttons.php on line 27
Warning: Trying to access array offset on false in /home/u249204778/domains/spectator.com.gh/public_html/wp-content/plugins/mvp-social-buttons/mvp-social-buttons.php on line 27
&description=I had an affair with my friend’s fiancée', 'pinterestShare', 'width=750,height=350'); return false;" title="Pin This Post">
- Share
- Tweet /home/u249204778/domains/spectator.com.gh/public_html/wp-content/plugins/mvp-social-buttons/mvp-social-buttons.php on line 72
Warning: Trying to access array offset on false in /home/u249204778/domains/spectator.com.gh/public_html/wp-content/plugins/mvp-social-buttons/mvp-social-buttons.php on line 72
&description=I had an affair with my friend’s fiancée', 'pinterestShare', 'width=750,height=350'); return false;" title="Pin This Post">
Dear Obaa Yaa,
It is exactly four years now since I befriended a lady who I got along with very well. She was very friendly and the easy-go type. In no time, she became a ‘darling girl’ of a few friends of mine.
The bond grew stronger and a few around us suspected we were actually dating.
One thing led to another and we had an affair after which we asked ourselves how it happened but we remained cool with ourselves.
It was after the act that she told me about her fiancé living in the USA but had not shown any seriousness in the relationship and was opened to any serious guy that comes around.
We continued having affair as and when we felt like and never bothered each other over whether we should be in a proper relationship.
She later relocated to Kumasi as her father was transferred but we remained buddies, charting heartily on phone for some time until she got a job that engaged her a lot.
Recently, I met an old friend of mine who has also relocated to Accra from Kumasi and after a brief chat, he promised to introduce his wife-to-be to me.
On the said date when we met, it was this good old friend of mine and that has left me confused over whether to tell my friend or not, although we vowed to keep what happened between us as a secret.
Lee Manuel, Ablekuma
****
Dear Lee Manuel,
Your story is a very touching and emotional one but I am glad you opened up to me for advice. First of all, I would advise you open up to your friend to let him know everything that has happened so that he knows the kind of lady he is about to marry.
She lied and was not loyal to both you and your friend which is not right and fair.
If you keep the ‘secret’ to yourself and not open up, your friend will be disappointed in you when he finds out from someone else.
Remember what ever goes around comes around so be open and tell your friend. Let him know because he was not in the fray when you two were frolicking around.
All the best in your approaches and remember not to hide anything but tell the truth to your friend.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
