Obaa Yaa
My sister don’t want me to marry
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
WE are three siblings – all girls. My elder sister and I are very close and share almost everything together. When I completed Junior High School, my elder sister was writing her Nov/Dec remedial because she failed in three core subject.
Due to this, my father refused to allow me to further my education until my sister passed her exams.
Whiles I was home, a friend introduced me to a man who eventually fell in love with me.
We dated for about a year and he has proposed.
My parents are in support of this but my sister is pleading with me not to marry because she is the eldest.
Since that is not the first time she is doing this, I discussed with my father but his response was more in support of my sister’s claim; that she is the eldest and I need not rush into marriage.
What should I do?
Kafui, Sogakope.
****
Dear Kafui,
It’s sad you are going through this problem and I must say I’m happy you have opened up on this. First of all, you should approach your sister and ask her if she was ready to get married or move to the next level in life because time and tide waits for no man and as women, e mature earlier than men.
Her actions may be delaying you; that is certainly not the best, especially when your man is ready to marry you.
A man who is not ready to settle down will not propose to you. If you put impediments on his way, he would move on and get involved with someone else.
Your sister should not be a barrier to your marriage. Let your parents also talk to her. If she is not ready, it does not mean everything around him must come to a stall.
Pray about it and I trust that God will help you to overcome this problem.
A CEO visited his office and saw a man who was scrolling through his phone while sitting on a sofa.
The CEO asked, “What are you doing?”
The man replied, “Wasting my time until I’ll get paid.”
The CEO was furious, “What is your weekly salary!?”
Man, “$1000”
The CEO counted $2000 and gave it to the man, “Take this money and get out! You don’t work here anymore!”
The man silently took the money and left.
CEO walked up to the reception, “By the way, who was this guy?”
The receptionist said, “Pizza delivery”.
I didn’t understand why my father abandoned me as a child until he appeared recently and told me my mom placed a curse on him.
I was about thirteen or fifteen, my mom took me to the front of a big house and told me that is where I belong.
I knocked the door and the man sacked me from the house to go back to my mother.
Life with my mother was very tough until God came through for me to gain a scholarship.
Years later, I’d returned from abroad when this man walked up to me apologising.
I take care of him and provide him with everything. He needs my attention but I doubt if he will get that from me because he didn’t take care of me.
Jojo, USA.
Dear Jojo,
This is such a heart breaking story. No child deserves to grow up wondering why a parent was absent or feeling abandoned.
If your father’s explanation is true, the responsibility for leaving you still rests with him. A curse, fear, or conflict with your mother may explain his decisions, but it does not excuse abandoning his child.
Parents have a duty to love, protect, and remain present in their children’s lives, regardless of the problems between them.
Now that he has returned, it is reasonable to listen to what he has to say, but you do not have to accept everything without question. Ask him honest questions about why he stayed away for so many years, why he never tried to reach you, and what he hopes to achieve by reconnecting now. His willingness to take responsibility for his choices is more important than the explanation he gives.
At the same time, try not to carry the burden of your parents’ conflict. Whatever happened between them was their issue, not yours. You were an innocent child who deserved the love and presence of both parents.
If you choose to rebuild a relationship with your father, let it happen gradually. Trust is earned through consistent actions, not just words. If you decide not to have a close relationship with him, that is also your right. Forgiveness, if you choose it, should be for your own peace of mind, not because you are obligated to overlook the pain you experienced.
Most importantly, remember that your worth was never determined by your father’s absence. His choices reflect his decisions, not your value as a person.
The past cannot be changed, but how you respond now can help you find healing and peace.
