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Obaa Yaa

I cannot date him

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Dear Obaa Yaa

I am 28 years old and it has always been my dream to marry before 30 years.

I met this guy who loves me and I loved him too, but I think I cannot date him.

The guy is so caring, loving and he has all the qualities I need in my future husband.

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Unfortunately, l had an af­fair with his work colleague a year ago. Though, that affair between me and the gentle­man has ended, l feel like I cannot continue to date him.

I haven’t told him about the affair because I don’t know how to go about it and I’m scared of how he would react.

We have known each other for months and l feel like telling him but l can’t help myself because it will hurt him so much.

Though l love this gentle­man, the fact that I can’t date him kills me slowly. My heart is in pains because I love him and I feel like l have betrayed him.

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Please, should I go ahead and tell him?

Lucy, Accra.

****

Dear Lucy,

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There is no need crying over spilt milk. You willingly went in for that secret affair despite the fact that you claimed you loved him.

Your behaviour suggests you cannot stand the least pressure in your relationship and this could create serious problems for you.

If you really love him, under no circumstance should you have betrayed his trust. All the same, the harm has already been done but you must make conscious effort not to repeat that mistake.

This is the time for you to redouble your love for him. You need to make sure he plays a centre stage in your life.

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What has happened should serve as a warning and a guide throughout your rela­tionship.

Since you can guess his re­action if you should tell him, keep it to yourself and let this serve as a warning and guide for you throughout your relationship.

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Obaa Yaa

My Stepfather at ‘war’ with me over my late mother’s house

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Dear Obaa Yaa,

I am a 39-year-old woman and the eldest of four children. My mother died five years ago. Before her death, she owned a house where she lived with my stepfather and my younger siblings. My stepfather had been married to my mother for more than 20 years.

After the death of mother. My stepfather has gone to court, claiming that the house belongs to him. He says he contributed money towards the construction and maintenance of the property and that my mother’s children have no right to interfere with it.

He has even accused me and my siblings of trying to take the house from him.

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I am shocked because my mother was the person who acquired the land and started the building. She also told us several times that the house was meant to remain in the family.

There is no written agreement between my mother and my stepfather about who owns what, and I am worried that this case could divide the family permanently.

My younger siblings are also angry with me because they believe I should fight my stepfather until the house is given to us.

Obaa Yaa, should I fight him in court or try to settle the matter outside court?

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From Frimpongmaa,

Assin Praso.

Dear Frimpongmaa, 

I am sorry you are going through this. A dispute over your late mother’s home can be very painful, especially when it involves your stepfather. Do not give up on the house or sign any document simply because he has sued you. Being sued does not mean that he automatically owns the property.

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Find out exactly what your stepfather is claiming, for example, whether he says the house belongs to him, that he is the beneficiary, or that you have no right to the property.

The court will determine who legally owns the property based on the applicable succession law and the evidence.

The exact answer can change considerably depending on where the house is located, whether your mother left a Will, how she acquired the house, what type of marriage she had with your stepfather, whether there are other children, and the applicable customary/statutory law.

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Obaa Yaa

I can’t meet demands from my husband’s family

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Dear Obaa Yaa,

I am a woman married for over 17 years and blessed with three children.

My father passed away two years ago and left some property to me and my two siblings.

Among the things I inherited was a piece of land and a house which I intend to keep for my children’s future.

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My husband’s family are putting pressure on me to give up the property and allow my husband to take control of it. They are saying that because I am married, anything I inherit should benefit my husband and his family as well.

I have tried to explain that my father deliberately left the property to me, but they accuse me of being selfish and disrespectful to my husband’s family.

I am now confused. I love my husband, but I don’t want to lose what my father worked hard to leave behind.

What should I do?

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Adzo, Ho

Dear Adzo

If the inheritance legally belongs to you, you should not feel pressured to surrender it simply to be at peace with your husband’s family.

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 At the same time, avoid making a rush decision based on anger or fear.

I don’t see the reason why your husband’s family wants to take control of the land.

Keep copies of relevant documents and, if necessary, seek legal advice.

Do not sign any document transferring, renouncing your interest until you fully understand its consequences.

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You should also have a good conversation with your husband. Ask him why his family wants you to hand over your inheritance to them and whether he supports their position.

Remember that family pressure is not the same as a legal obligation. You can respect your husband’s relatives without surrendering something that is rightfully yours.

If you eventually decide to share part of the inheritance, let it be because you genuinely wanted to, not because you were intimidated or emotionally overstretched.

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