Obaa Yaa
How do l rekindle this relationship?
I have this long term relationship with a friend of mine. We attended the same Junior High School as well as the same church. This relationship was still intense even when we were admitted to different Senior High Schools.
We planned things together and settled on one thing. At church, you will see us walking together, which painted a family or sororal relationship in the minds of people.
After Senior High School, the two of us stayed at home for a year to better our grades to enable us to enter the tertiary institution.
Back at church, I went about doing things independently. During the second year after Senior High School, I got admitted to one of the famous tertiary institutions in Ghana. My friend was not able to sail through this time and had to attend another private school again to rewrite. This time round I was away from home.
During my semester break, I came home to discover that my friend had made friends with another lady in our church. I must admit that this attitude has affected me emotionally and has ruined our relationship to the extent that we no longer talk to each other.
Our parents and colleagues have raised concerns about the cold relationship between us and are anxious to see us moving together once again. This situation has ruined our relationship and l have developed a cold attitude towards her. Now, we are only limited to greetings.
I still ponder over our relationship in the past and find it difficult to forget about it. How do I rekindle this relationship?
Deborah Nkansah, Cape Coast,
Dear Deborah,
In life you must be guided by the fact that people are driven by different reasons to behave the way they do.
The sudden change of attitude of your friend devoid of quarrel could be due to her inability to enter the tertiary institution as you have been successful. She might have been suffering from inferiority complex, therefore, she has decided to free herself from your company.
Since you are desirous of resolving the issue, you can employ the best communication skills to establish fresh links with her.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
WE have been married for three years with no child. We have been living together for about five years now.
For eight months, we had a lot of quarrels caused by her. I complained to her parents when they came for a visit.
I later left them in the house for an evening church service around 7pm. Upon my return after about 9:30pm, she was not in the house and neither were her parents. I opened the door and found out that she had left with all her belongings.
I did not go to look for her. She also did not come back that day. She came back on the fourth day to plead for forgiveness.
But the truth is that I have lost interest in her and the relationship, so her return after four days to seek forgiveness meant nothing to me. I don’t love her again. What should I do?
Yawson, Swedru.
Dear Yawson,
I DON’T understand why your wife decided to stay out for almost four days. My second headache is why her parents allowed her to pack out of her matrimonial home without your consent.
I understand your anger, but I think you must listen to her first; know where she went for four days and what informed the decision before arriving at a final verdict on her.
If you investigate and find out that she didn’t go anywhere to ‘misbehave,’ but just went away out of anger only to realise she was wrong, then she is worth forgiving. To err is human, to forgive is divine.
In your letter you said you do not love her again. Are you sure about that? Perhaps you are fuming with anger now, but when your anger abates, you’ll be in a better position to assess the situation.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have been having a serious argument with a friend of mine on men and women, and I would like you to help us solve it.
For some time now, I have been hearing that the women in this country are more than the men, and my friend also supported it by saying that every man in this country is entitled to seven solid women.
In fact, Obaa Yaa, I am confused because at the various workplaces and in other organisations, you can see that the men outnumber the women, and the only place where the women outnumber the men is the markets.
Can you help us with statistics suggesting that men are more than women and also help me to establish the veracity of the claim that every man is supposed to marry more than one woman?
P. K. Tamakloe, Akosombo.
Dear P.K,
According to statistics, women are more than men in this country but not to the extent that one man can marry seven women.
There are about two men to three women, although the ratio is not definite. As it were, when you take two men, only one on the average can marry two wives. The other can only get a woman and no more.
My question is why you are worried about something you can’t change.
Besides, as a Christian, you are entitled to marry only one woman.
You should not encourage such conversations because it can affect some decisions you want to take in life.
