Obaa Yaa
He brings girls into our bedroom
Dear ObaaYaa,
Though our marriage five years ago was not without problems, we moved on and were blessed with a child who has brought joy to the family.
We managed to pass through unpleasant situations and now that our economic conditions are changing for the better, my husband has been bringing girls home to sleep with and the problem is getting out of control and disturbing me. I did not hesitate to ask him the first time l had wind that he was involved in an extramarital affair but he denied it.
I was worried because when he had no job, l used the little capital l had to support the family to stand on its feet. I took responsibility of the rent, the schooling of our child and other needs that one can imagine.
Though l tried to overlook this problem, it is making me worried, a situation which could result in health problems for me. I have reported the matter to the parents but he has not changed.
Should l call for a divorce or employ another method to deal with the problem?
Maame Esi, Takoradi.
Dear Maame Esi,
I can imagine the pain in your heart because you had spent your resources to improve the lot of your family in order to enjoy a better life together.
It is quite surprising the arrogance with which your husband is conducting himself even to the extent of disrespecting the advice of his parents.
Calling for divorce now will not solve the problem since you have a child for him. If you divorce him the possibility of your husband shirking his responsibilities to your child is great since he could say that any money given out for the upkeep of the child could be used to cater for another man.
Stay in the marriage and work out things to change because if you leave your child with him, the possibility of the child suffering hatred, molestation and deprivation is great. I will advise you to report him to your pastor and out of shame he will shun this character.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
