Obaa Yaa
He brings girls into our bedroom
Dear ObaaYaa,
Though our marriage five years ago was not without problems, we moved on and were blessed with a child who has brought joy to the family.
We managed to pass through unpleasant situations and now that our economic conditions are changing for the better, my husband has been bringing girls home to sleep with and the problem is getting out of control and disturbing me. I did not hesitate to ask him the first time l had wind that he was involved in an extramarital affair but he denied it.
I was worried because when he had no job, l used the little capital l had to support the family to stand on its feet. I took responsibility of the rent, the schooling of our child and other needs that one can imagine.
Though l tried to overlook this problem, it is making me worried, a situation which could result in health problems for me. I have reported the matter to the parents but he has not changed.
Should l call for a divorce or employ another method to deal with the problem?
Maame Esi, Takoradi.
Dear Maame Esi,
I can imagine the pain in your heart because you had spent your resources to improve the lot of your family in order to enjoy a better life together.
It is quite surprising the arrogance with which your husband is conducting himself even to the extent of disrespecting the advice of his parents.
Calling for divorce now will not solve the problem since you have a child for him. If you divorce him the possibility of your husband shirking his responsibilities to your child is great since he could say that any money given out for the upkeep of the child could be used to cater for another man.
Stay in the marriage and work out things to change because if you leave your child with him, the possibility of the child suffering hatred, molestation and deprivation is great. I will advise you to report him to your pastor and out of shame he will shun this character.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have lost one eye (the left one). I lost it due to marital quarrels but my parents still want me to return to the marriage. When I got married, I believed I was beginning a new, exciting chapter. Instead, I walked right into a furnace meant to ‘burn’ me.
The insults came first, then the beatings. I didn’t have to do anything big. I spat while he was eating. He shouted at me and asked if I didn’t have any decorum.
My third child was barely a year old when my husband threw me out of the house at dawn. What was my sin? I was sleeping too much while our baby disturbed him at night. He said I should be awake to put the baby to sleep.
It was around 1 a.m. I was too tired to do anything, but I tried my best and managed to find my way back to my parents’ house. I handed my baby to my mom, fell on a bed, and slept like I had just returned from war.
I didn’t have to tell them what had happened. They already knew. I was sent back home even before my husband came looking for me.
Then came the day that changed my life forever. The day my husband made me blind in one eye. What should do?
Efua, Takoradi.
Dear Efua,
To be sincere, you should not return to that marriage unless your safety can be guaranteed and there is clear evidence of change. Losing an eye as a result of domestic violence is not a minor marital dispute, rather, a serious act of abuse.
My heart breaks for you. No one deserves to be treated this way. Being insulted, beaten, thrown out of the house in the middle of the night with a baby, and ultimately losing an eye are clear signs of severe abuse.
Marriage is meant to provide love, respect, and protection, not fear and suffering. Parents may encourage reconciliation because they value family unity, but no tradition, culture, or family expectation should require a woman to return to a situation that has already caused permanent physical harm.
Your safety and wellbeing must come first. Seek support from trusted family members, counsellors, religious leaders, women’s rights organisations, and the appropriate authorities if necessary.
Before any discussion of reconciliation can take place, there must be accountability for the abuse, genuine repentance, and assurance that such violence will never happen again.
A woman who has lost an eye because of domestic violence should not be pressured to return to her abuser. She deserves safety, dignity, healing, and the opportunity to rebuild her life.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a woman in my mid-30s. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past 14 years.
We have built a strong bond over the years, and despite everything, I still love him deeply.
However, our relationship hasn’t been perfect. Throughout the years, we have decided to try as much as possible to make it work.
A few months ago, he travelled to the Dubai. He recently confessed something that has completely surprised me.
He informed me that he had mistakenly gotten another woman pregnant. Despite everything, he wants to marry me and is making plans for me to join him abroad so we can settle down.
The situation has become even more complicated because the woman she has impregnated is also insisting she should marry her.
Yet he keeps assuring me that I am the woman he truly needs to spend his life with.
Parts of me wants to walk away after all the betrayals. Another part of me feels 14 years is hard work for me to let go. I can’t stop wondering if there are more of secrets he is hiding.
Baaba, Sunyani.
Dear Baaba,
If you have been with a man for 14 years and he has impregnated another woman, the decision about whether to let him go depends on more than just the pregnancy. Is your boyfriend remorseful of what he has taken you through?
A pregnancy creates a lifelong connection between him and the other woman because they will communicate for the sake of the child.
After 14 years, you deserve clarity and commitment. It may be worth asking whether staying is serving your happiness and self –respect.
Do not focus only on the fact that he impregnated another woman, but on what his actions over the years over the kind of partner he has been.
