Obaa Yaa
He brings girls into our bedroom
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Dear ObaaYaa,
Though our marriage five years ago was not without problems, we moved on and were blessed with a child who has brought joy to the family.
We managed to pass through unpleasant situations and now that our economic conditions are changing for the better, my husband has been bringing girls home to sleep with and the problem is getting out of control and disturbing me. I did not hesitate to ask him the first time l had wind that he was involved in an extramarital affair but he denied it.
I was worried because when he had no job, l used the little capital l had to support the family to stand on its feet. I took responsibility of the rent, the schooling of our child and other needs that one can imagine.
Though l tried to overlook this problem, it is making me worried, a situation which could result in health problems for me. I have reported the matter to the parents but he has not changed.
Should l call for a divorce or employ another method to deal with the problem?
Maame Esi, Takoradi.
Dear Maame Esi,
I can imagine the pain in your heart because you had spent your resources to improve the lot of your family in order to enjoy a better life together.
It is quite surprising the arrogance with which your husband is conducting himself even to the extent of disrespecting the advice of his parents.
Calling for divorce now will not solve the problem since you have a child for him. If you divorce him the possibility of your husband shirking his responsibilities to your child is great since he could say that any money given out for the upkeep of the child could be used to cater for another man.
Stay in the marriage and work out things to change because if you leave your child with him, the possibility of the child suffering hatred, molestation and deprivation is great. I will advise you to report him to your pastor and out of shame he will shun this character.
A CEO visited his office and saw a man who was scrolling through his phone while sitting on a sofa.
The CEO asked, “What are you doing?”
The man replied, “Wasting my time until I’ll get paid.”
The CEO was furious, “What is your weekly salary!?”
Man, “$1000”
The CEO counted $2000 and gave it to the man, “Take this money and get out! You don’t work here anymore!”
The man silently took the money and left.
CEO walked up to the reception, “By the way, who was this guy?”
The receptionist said, “Pizza delivery”.
I didn’t understand why my father abandoned me as a child until he appeared recently and told me my mom placed a curse on him.
I was about thirteen or fifteen, my mom took me to the front of a big house and told me that is where I belong.
I knocked the door and the man sacked me from the house to go back to my mother.
Life with my mother was very tough until God came through for me to gain a scholarship.
Years later, I’d returned from abroad when this man walked up to me apologising.
I take care of him and provide him with everything. He needs my attention but I doubt if he will get that from me because he didn’t take care of me.
Jojo, USA.
Dear Jojo,
This is such a heart breaking story. No child deserves to grow up wondering why a parent was absent or feeling abandoned.
If your father’s explanation is true, the responsibility for leaving you still rests with him. A curse, fear, or conflict with your mother may explain his decisions, but it does not excuse abandoning his child.
Parents have a duty to love, protect, and remain present in their children’s lives, regardless of the problems between them.
Now that he has returned, it is reasonable to listen to what he has to say, but you do not have to accept everything without question. Ask him honest questions about why he stayed away for so many years, why he never tried to reach you, and what he hopes to achieve by reconnecting now. His willingness to take responsibility for his choices is more important than the explanation he gives.
At the same time, try not to carry the burden of your parents’ conflict. Whatever happened between them was their issue, not yours. You were an innocent child who deserved the love and presence of both parents.
If you choose to rebuild a relationship with your father, let it happen gradually. Trust is earned through consistent actions, not just words. If you decide not to have a close relationship with him, that is also your right. Forgiveness, if you choose it, should be for your own peace of mind, not because you are obligated to overlook the pain you experienced.
Most importantly, remember that your worth was never determined by your father’s absence. His choices reflect his decisions, not your value as a person.
The past cannot be changed, but how you respond now can help you find healing and peace.
