Obaa Yaa
He is now eager to claim my child
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Dear ObaaYaa,
It all started when we were in SHS and academic work had relaxed a little during sports week. We bumped into each other and coincidentally lit the fire of love.
Since then we went through thick and thin with series of difficulties, petty quarrels but in the midst of these l got pregnant to my surprise.
Having examined my condition for a week, I informed my boyfriend that l was pregnant but he flared up and rained insults on me. He concluded that he was not responsible for the pregnancy so l should look for the person who had made me pregnant.
He further said he suspected l was having an affair with another man and thanked God that his suspicion had come through. He suggested that l should abort the pregnancy or look for the one who had made me pregnant.
Gripped with fear, l approached one of his close friends to inform him about what had happened and the unfriendly comments his friend had made.
Since his friend’s intervention could not help matters, l sensed that l was left to face the world alone in humiliation.
I foresaw that l would face serious embarrassment if l kept mute over the issue, so l informed my mother about it.
Though my father’s anger is difficult to control, my mother informed him about the shame l had brought to the family and the embarrassment l had caused myself.
Now that my child has reached a tertiary level, he is trying to claim the child but l still feel the pains and l am not prepared to give in. Would l be wrong if l maintain my decision not to allow him to own the child?
Akos, Nsawam.
Dear Akos,
This gentleman had earlier shot himself in the foot when he said he was not responsible for your pregnancy, and added that you should look for the person who had made you pregnant. Therefore, on what basis is he coming to make claims to the child?
Having issued threats ever since, he had not made any attempts to support you in taking care of the child until now, for that matter he has no claims to the child.
I am pretty sure your parents will not take kindly to this request so keep your calm and ignore his threats.
If he is determined to claim the child then he should go to court and be prepared for a DNA test and any cost that would be imposed on him for shirking his responsibilities until now.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
