Obaa Yaa
Demand for sex is pushing us apart
Dear ObaaYaa,
We have been in a stable relationship for a couple of years now and have planned to be together when we are done with our studies and have secured jobs.
Being youth leaders at church and very influential persons, we have decided to abstain from sex as our faith demands and not to live an immoral lifestyle.
We have held unto this agreement for the past years until recently when my friend completed his national service and started living a different lifestyle which is a clear departure from the old.
He is always demanding for sex and threatening to cause separation should l refuse to give in to his sexual demands.
I am surprised about his sudden changed lifestyle and the pressure he is mounting on me. Should l give in to demonstrate my love for him?
Cynthia, Koforidua,
Dear Cynthia,
This column commends the two of you for the wise and bold decision you took when you commenced your relationship. It is rather unfortunate that the ideals you stood for are beginning to fizzle out with time.
Many factors could be working on your friend’s mind and forcing a change in his behaviour. He could have been exposed to some new friends whose ideals might have influenced his lifestyle, so the incessant demands he is making on you.
It is advisable to hold onto your faith and remember the Bible verse which says that your body is the temple of God, therefore, you should preserve it for that purpose.
There is no guarantee that he genuinely loves you and would marry you in future. There is no hurry in life for that matter you must be patient until the appropriate time comes.
You should not be intimidated by his threats to cause separation in your relationship. Life has in store better days with good prospects, provided you are prepared to obey and wait on the lord.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
