Obaa Yaa
Can men be relied upon?
Dear ObaaYaa,
We grew up in the same vicinity, shared our aspirations and plans of the future together and got used to each other.
Being the first man in my life, l did all l could to demonstrate my genuine love for him and my willingness to be his wife eventually in holy matrimony. Out of love, l got pregnant on two occasions for him but he impressed on me to abort the pregnancy since it will put a lot of burden on both of us as a young couple.
Whenever l pledge my love for him, he would respond by saying that since l was created from one of his ribs, he would love me till death do us part. He further gave me the assurance that l would definitely form an integral part of his future and would do everything to love me just as l love him.
On occasions that l demanded he should officially come to see my parents and perform the preliminary knocking rites, he would brush the issue aside and give me the assurance that he would surely do that at the appropriate time.
But l was shocked to the marrow when a friend whispered into my ears that my lover was making plans to marry from a nearby town. This person wanted to find out if we had separated, a condition which has given him the opportunity to marry another person.
Though the person who had given him the information to me is respectable, and could not carry false information, l did not believe it because my lover will not treat me like that in view of the love between us and the assurances he had given me.
But l had the greatest shock of my life when my uncle came to confirm the story and blamed me for giving my whole life to this young man whom he described as ungrateful and very wicked.
His concern was that, having moved with him for all these years and what l had put in the relationship to work, there was no way he should treat me like a rag. It would have been worse if he had known that l had aborted two of his pregnancies.
I am totally devastated, confused and do not know what to do.
With this behaviour, can men be trusted?
Ama, Koforidua,
Dear Ama,
I can envisage the pain in your heart and how disorganised you must be under the circumstance.
I am pretty sure you must be thinking about the possibility of becoming barren as a result of the two pregnancies you had caused. It is difficult to nurse your interest in a person you love and have the hope that you would be happily married only to get the shock of your life like this incident.
Though it is not easy to overcome this sort of problem, l would appeal to you to let bygones be bygones, face the challenge and re-organise your life.
I would plead with you not to raise any alarm since he has decided to do what pleased him. There are occasions people pay for the wrong that they have done. Kindly give your concerns to God and the arbiter of your life will bless and direct your steps in life.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
