Obaa Yaa
Can men be relied upon?
Dear ObaaYaa,
We grew up in the same vicinity, shared our aspirations and plans of the future together and got used to each other.
Being the first man in my life, l did all l could to demonstrate my genuine love for him and my willingness to be his wife eventually in holy matrimony. Out of love, l got pregnant on two occasions for him but he impressed on me to abort the pregnancy since it will put a lot of burden on both of us as a young couple.
Whenever l pledge my love for him, he would respond by saying that since l was created from one of his ribs, he would love me till death do us part. He further gave me the assurance that l would definitely form an integral part of his future and would do everything to love me just as l love him.
On occasions that l demanded he should officially come to see my parents and perform the preliminary knocking rites, he would brush the issue aside and give me the assurance that he would surely do that at the appropriate time.
But l was shocked to the marrow when a friend whispered into my ears that my lover was making plans to marry from a nearby town. This person wanted to find out if we had separated, a condition which has given him the opportunity to marry another person.
Though the person who had given him the information to me is respectable, and could not carry false information, l did not believe it because my lover will not treat me like that in view of the love between us and the assurances he had given me.
But l had the greatest shock of my life when my uncle came to confirm the story and blamed me for giving my whole life to this young man whom he described as ungrateful and very wicked.
His concern was that, having moved with him for all these years and what l had put in the relationship to work, there was no way he should treat me like a rag. It would have been worse if he had known that l had aborted two of his pregnancies.
I am totally devastated, confused and do not know what to do.
With this behaviour, can men be trusted?
Ama, Koforidua,
Dear Ama,
I can envisage the pain in your heart and how disorganised you must be under the circumstance.
I am pretty sure you must be thinking about the possibility of becoming barren as a result of the two pregnancies you had caused. It is difficult to nurse your interest in a person you love and have the hope that you would be happily married only to get the shock of your life like this incident.
Though it is not easy to overcome this sort of problem, l would appeal to you to let bygones be bygones, face the challenge and re-organise your life.
I would plead with you not to raise any alarm since he has decided to do what pleased him. There are occasions people pay for the wrong that they have done. Kindly give your concerns to God and the arbiter of your life will bless and direct your steps in life.
Six months after marriage, I realised my wife had cheated twice. One happened months before marriage and the other happened just two months after marriage. We dated for four years before we got married.
She had saved the name on her phone as Chairman. The conversation between them didn’t happen every day but once they talked, everything was about sex. My wife encouraged every word and even made suggestions as to where to meet.
I want to meet ‘Chairman,’ is it a good or a bad idea?
Yoofi, Takoradi.
Dear Yoofi,
What you have discovered is deeply painful, especially after investing four years of dating and entering marriage with trust, love and commitment. Betrayal in marriage is not only about the physical act, but also the emotional damage, secrecy and broken trust that come with it.
At this point, it is important not to make decisions purely out of anger or revenge. You need clarity, honest and calm conversations. Your wife must first be willing to tell the whole truth and take responsibility for her actions without excuses.
However, before deciding whether to stay or leave, ask yourself some important questions. Is she willing to cut ties completely with this man? Is she ready to rebuild trust through openness and accountability? And most importantly, do you still see a future with her despite the hurt?
Healing from infidelity takes time, patience and sometimes professional counselling. Do not suffer in silence. Speak to a trusted counsellor, pastor or matured family person who can guide both of you wisely.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am 28 years old guy who has been posted as a trained teacher in one of the rural areas in the Central Region.
I didn’t move in with my family because of the nature of my wife’s job.
About two months ago, I befriended one of the students who run errands for me. One thing led to the other and mistakenly had my way with her.
After two weeks, the girl came to tell me that she was pregnant and that I should give her money to terminate the pregnancy because if her parents get to know of it, they would cause my arrest.
This got me disturbed because I might lose [u1] my job.
Upon a second thought, I discussed this with a friend and she told me it might be a plan to extort money from me.
I personally texted her not to terminate the pregnancy but interestingly, I received a response that she has seen her monthly flow.
In fact, I became convinced about what my colleague told me. I want to end the relationship, what should I tell her and what should be my response when my wife hears of it.
Obaa Yaa, please I need an urgent advice.
David, Tema.
Dear David,
Your case is a very simple one. You are even lucky your friend who is much acquainted with the chicanery of the local girls fortunately hinted you and the girl has confirmed it all.
You better quit that relationship and avoid her because she thinks about following you home.
If you haven’t told her you are married, please tell her now.
