Obaa Yaa
My husband declines medical check up
Dear ObaaYaa,
We have been married for six years and l cannot remember the month in which l missed my menstrual period. I had undergone medical examinations at the hospital and the results were the same that there was no problem with me.
Based on the outcome of the results, the doctor requested that my husband should report at the hospital to undergo the appropriate tests to ascertain the problem, but he would not listen to my plea and the insistence of the doctor to go to the hospital.
My greatest concern is the pressure his family is pilling on me for a baby.
I am confused about the conduct of my husband and do not know what to do.
Should l reveal the secret to his family about his refusal to go for the test at the hospital?
Gladys, Accra.
Dear Gladys,
I share in your frustration and the incessant pressure on you though it is not your fault. Irrespective of the difficulties being encountered, it is too early for you to throw your hands in desperation.
Since the challenges are daunting, you have to explore or exhaust the available avenues in the marriage to resolve what seems to be going wrong.
This is a dicey issue which must be handled with great care otherwise it will explode and possibly cause the disintegration of your marriage. Though the pressure keeps coming, let the secret be between you and your husband. It is likely the family is equally pilling pressure on him as well, only that he has decided not to mention it to you.
You have to employ the tricks under your sleeves, combined with love and convince him not to be afraid but go to the hospital.
It is my belief that if he is in dire need of fathering a child, he will go for the check.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
