Features
Beyond Big English

Any minister-designate who is about to be vetted by a parliamentary vetting committee must prepare for the worst.
He must understand that the vetting process is not a test for mere eloquence and bombast, alliteration and poetic delivery. It goes beyond the parapet of diction and usage, semantics and grandiloquence.
The aspiring minister may, therefore, speak big English, but it doesn’t really matter.
There is always a dictionary around to be consulted anyway. What matters is his (or her) ability to prove beyond every reasonable doubt that he can handle the job based on his academic, professional and moral track record.
The minister must be seen to be qualified for the job in all facets. If so, every question may be relevant no matter how frivolous. It has always been the case.
For example, if someone is a homosexual, that is his own palaver. But if he vies for public office, his homosexual activities must be well-examined and although he may be the best suited for the job, his unnatural desires may well disqualify him for obvious reasons. Of course, who wants a minister who will be sodomising his driver, garden boy and the tall security guard?
The case of Canaan Banana, one time Vice President of Zimbabwe, is fresh in memory. He was recently released from jail for sodomy, a conduct completely unbefitting of a nation’s vice-presidency.
It is also useful for questioners enquire about marital status, number of previous and current wives, number of children and the like.
Someone might have two wives for very good reasons. May be, one woman is not enough for him due to his extraordinary sexual appetite. And to avoid being adulterous, he takes another wife. It is a legitimate reason and polygamy is not a crime in Sikaman.
However, parliament must know whether he’d have time for the job as a minister when he is always thinking about sex and how to satisfy two wives while fathering and catering for kids on both sides.
A minister may have 13 children. It is a matter of choice, and some people naturally like large families so his talent in procreation might probably not be to his sexual vitality, but to fulfil biblical principles of being fruitful and proving it by multiplying to gratify a desire for a jumbo size family.
However, such a family size may attract queries bordering on population control and family planning. “Mr So-and-so, Assuming every man had 13 children, can you estimate what the population of Sikaman will be? And will your government be able to provide jobs and schools for all?
But of course, that is, according to the questioner, a mere assumption and can, therefore never be the case. However, the question is relevant.
RIDICULE
The reason why all ministers-designate should be prepared for the worst is that some questioners may also be prepared to ridicule them. However, in the process, the aspiring minister’s patience is tested.
Is the man going to be a minister who easily flares up and starts misbehaving? And how would anyone know if he is not that type unless his annoyance gauge is not tested in public?
We may have a mister who would be slapping his staff left and right, occasionally throwing karate kicks when foreign dignitaries are around.
I hear that to be chosen as a minister is easier than preparing for the vetting. The problem that you wouldn’t know which skeleton in your cupboard will be exposed and which dirty linen will be advertised for all to see. So some ministers designate have had sleepless nights and others have to be forced to do some fasting.
After fasting and praying, the aspiring minister must prepare his (or her) wardrobe for the occasion. How do ministers dress? Are they simple or flamboyant like peacocks? Anyhow the minister-designate must start looking-like a minister, talking and acting like one.
He must wear a three-piece suit and get a stylish tailor. The suit in his wardrobe isn’t quite good. It would be okay for a poor aristocrat, not a newly nominated candidate who just learnt to cough and sneeze like a minister. He has even proven to his wife that he snores like a minister.
And when the day comes, must he merely walk or rather dance to take his seat to be vetted? Should he smile broadly showing all his teeth or only some? He isn’t quite sure.
One thing Parliament has forgotten is something called “Lie Detector Test”. It could be used only if candidates are answering questions about their past deeds. Everybody has cupboard skeletons, but that of some are too many. Fraudulence, immorality with teenage girls, exaggerated CVs, sexual harassment, whatever.
A Lie Detector may not be very accurate, but at least it can make ten children, but they declare only four. The Lie Detector can be useful here.
But what is the relevance of all these when people argue that the more wayward the candidate the more efficient he is? They cite Bill Clinton. But his is an exception? Isn’t it?
This article was first published was on Saturday, February 10, 2001
Features
Correcting some doctrinal misconceptions
This week I have a very strong desire to talk about the things of God and therefore the Bible. There are a whole lot of misinterpretation going about in the world as far as the Bible, which is the Word of God, is concerned.
One of the easiest jobs that does not require a licence to get into, is the Pastoral vocation. In this country all you need is a loud voice and even if you do not have, you can seek the aid of a loudspeaker to preach.
Again, one does not have to sit for any exams and all you need to do is to talk to Headmaster of one of the numerous JHS, get a classroom, get a couple of young ladies who have melodious voices and you are good to go.
As a result, we have all manner of people with very questionable characters parading about as Pastors, a.k.a., Men of God. Again, because titles are not something we purchase, they pick all manner of titles after getting a few congregation and transferring the church from a classroom to a structure of their own.
Suddenly they become Bishop after initial title of Prophet and as someone said they butcher the scriptures like nobody’s business. We have an interesting country.
One of the misconceptions is the question of whether the Bible endorses the consumption of Alcohol or not. In the Old Testament which is basically a manual for the relationship between God and his people, Israel, drinking of alcoholic beverages was not forbidden.
However, there was a particular group of people, who were forbidden to consume alcoholic beverages. In Leviticus 10:9-10, God specifically gave a decree for the High Priesthood Order to follow that is, they were to abstain from alcohol throughout the generations.
When we come to the New Testament, the Bible makes it clear to us that, every believer is regarded as a High Priest and therefore a member of the High Priesthood order who are to abstain from strong drink, i.e. alcoholic drink.
A careful study of the Bible, leads one to conclude that Christians are to shun alcoholic drink because our bodies now houses the Spirit of God just like the Tabernacle in Old Testament so we should not contaminate it with unholy things.
There is another issue that raises a lot of argument in Christian circles. The issue of Tithe is a very topical issue that is gainng attention in this era if social media.
Some Christians believe that Tithe is an Old Testament thing and therefore should not be countenanced in the New Testament era.
To really understand what Tithe is, we need to go to Genesis 14:20 where Tithe originated. It was a sacrifice initiated by Patriarch Abraham that was motivated by the Spirit of God after God had given him a mighty victory in battle.
It therefore became a practice among the descendants of Abraham. God endorsed its observance after the Commandments were given to Moses and was among other reasons to serve as a means for taking care of the needs of the Levites the Priests.
In Malachi God instituted it as an ordinance for generations to come cautioning noncompliance and specifying blessings that will follow its observance. In the New Testament, it was mainly practised as an offering on a weekly basis by the early church and it was received by the leaders, every first day of the week according to 1 Corinthians 16:2.
I intend to periodically attempt to address certain issues that appear controversial in the Bible gradually, we shall have a clearer understanding to enrich our knowledge of the Bible.
NB: ‘CHANGE KOTOKA INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT TO KOFI BAAKO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT’
By Laud Kissi-Mensah
Features
Monsieur’s daughter —(Part 4)
Sarah and her two younger brothers attended Research School Complex, a fine school run by the research institutions in the Eastern Region. A brilliant child, she enjoyed school, and was always around the top of her class.
She loved her parents. Her mother made sure they lacked nothing. Her father was the easy going type. He was generally good to them, but he hardly spent much time at home. Her major problem was her parents’ continuous quarrels.
During those sessions, the children would recoil in front of the TV in their room till they fell asleep. Very often, they would wake up to hear them quarrelling. Up till she reached junior high, she and her siblings managed to live with the situation. But later on she would hear them exchange threats and insults which confused and scared her.
‘You are a useless man. You are lazy and incompetent at work. Your boss says he’s tired of complaining. He says if you don’t change you could lose your job’.
‘And you are a heartless and selfish woman. You only care about money and yourself. Why should you go and discuss me with my boss? ‘
‘You dare call me heartless and selfish, when I feed and clothe you and your children? You lazy man. Can you survive for a month if I don’t feed you? When was the last time you took care of any of your children’s expenses, school fees, food, clothing or books?’
‘At the very least I provided you with a home and respectability. Without me you would be living in shame. You would have been exposed for who you really are’.
‘If you dare repeat that brainless sentence, I will teach you a lesson you would never forget’.
‘There you go. Threats! Threats! Why are you always threatening me?’
‘I asked you to repeat that stupid statement once, and see what happens’.
‘Okay. I’m sorry. Look, this is not good for the kids. I’m going to town. Will be right back’. With that he dashed out of the door, into his car and noisily sped off.
Although Sarah usually excelled in academics, the turmoil at home was having an impact on her. The teachers noticed that she was withdrawn, and would sometimes break into tears with little or no provocation.
Ms Odame, an elderly English teacher, took an interest in her and, after Sarah had told her about the problems she was facing at home, spent any free time she got encouraging her. She realised that there was a deep seated problem behind the symptoms she was displaying. One morning, she took her out for lunch, and asked her the hard question.
‘Sarah, for some time now, I’ve been trying to encourage you, because you are a brilliant girl, even though you may be facing a few problems at home. Now Sarah, I want to do my best to help you, but I want you to try and tell me exactly what the problem is at home, and I will do my best to help you. I promise you that I won’t discuss this with your parents’. Without much hesitation she unburdened herself of the load she had been carrying.
‘My parents are always quarrelling. Most of the time it is about money. Mummy keeps saying that Daddy doesn’t give her money, but spends his money on going out with friends and girls.
She also says that he is not serious with his work, so he’s not gaining any promotion. But Daddy sometimes says something which infuriates Mummy. He says he has kept her secret and given her respect, so she should stop disturbing her.
Mummy would then say that the whole issue was Daddy’s making, that if she mentioned it again she would move us out and leave him destitute. He would usually get scared, and apologised. There would be peace for some time, then it would happen again’.
‘I see. I see. Now, Sarah, I want you to trust me on this. I will do my best to help you. Do your best not to dwell on this. Come to me whenever you need any help, but we will solve the problem very soon’.
Through her enquiries, she learnt that Madam Gladys Ababio taught for a while at Aboso Senior High School. She made further enquiries at the GES, and learnt that the current headmaster of the school had been teaching there for close to twenty years. She called him and booked an appointment, explaining that she wanted to make an enquiry about an issue that would help a student of hers who was currently troubled.
‘Thanks for agreeing to see me’, she said after she had been welcomed with a snack. ‘I will go straight to the point. I have a student in JHS three, a girl. She’s brilliant, but she’s troubled at home. She confided in me that her parents have been quarrelling continually, and they seem to be hiding a secret. The mother was a catering teacher here in this school’.
‘I believe I have your assurance that you will handle this information with care, since it concerns a minor’.
‘You have my fullest assurance, madam
‘.
‘You are talking about Gladys and David, who were my colleagues. I know them, very well. They separated soon after marrying, and Gladys married one Simon. David was a very popular French teacher. In fact, the school’s playground is named after him.
He left for Germany as soon as the marriage broke down. He’s back, doing big business. He has been doing a lot for the school, but he prefers not to be given any publicity.
Now, let me come to the main issue that has brought you here from Koforidua. Not long after David had married Gladys and was living with her, Simon appeared from America, and spent some time in a hotel with her.
This happened again some months later. David got wind of this, and decided to end the marriage and leave town. Gladys and her relatives begged and begged, but he wouldn’t budge. Then, obviously with the intent of punishing him for rejecting her, Gladys came out and told Monsieur that the baby, Sarah, was not his. Indeed, she had told him that she would teach him a lesson.
David was shattered, but his parents advised him not to fight Gladys over the issue, because she was quite strong-headed. They told him that the child would come back to him eventually, if she was truly his. So he left town. And Simon married Gladys.
‘I see. So Sarah is not Simon’s child’.
‘No way. Listen, Sarah was conceived before Simon appeared from nowhere. This was known to everyone at Aboso, because David was very popular, a great guy. I don’t know how Gladys can live with herself, after what she did’.
‘I don’t know how to thank you. I will go back and do my best for the child, without causing much trouble’.
By Ekow de Heer