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Monsieur’s daughter —(Part 4)
Sarah and her two younger brothers attended Research School Complex, a fine school run by the research institutions in the Eastern Region. A brilliant child, she enjoyed school, and was always around the top of her class.
She loved her parents. Her mother made sure they lacked nothing. Her father was the easy going type. He was generally good to them, but he hardly spent much time at home. Her major problem was her parents’ continuous quarrels.
During those sessions, the children would recoil in front of the TV in their room till they fell asleep. Very often, they would wake up to hear them quarrelling. Up till she reached junior high, she and her siblings managed to live with the situation. But later on she would hear them exchange threats and insults which confused and scared her.
‘You are a useless man. You are lazy and incompetent at work. Your boss says he’s tired of complaining. He says if you don’t change you could lose your job’.
‘And you are a heartless and selfish woman. You only care about money and yourself. Why should you go and discuss me with my boss? ‘
‘You dare call me heartless and selfish, when I feed and clothe you and your children? You lazy man. Can you survive for a month if I don’t feed you? When was the last time you took care of any of your children’s expenses, school fees, food, clothing or books?’
‘At the very least I provided you with a home and respectability. Without me you would be living in shame. You would have been exposed for who you really are’.
‘If you dare repeat that brainless sentence, I will teach you a lesson you would never forget’.
‘There you go. Threats! Threats! Why are you always threatening me?’
‘I asked you to repeat that stupid statement once, and see what happens’.
‘Okay. I’m sorry. Look, this is not good for the kids. I’m going to town. Will be right back’. With that he dashed out of the door, into his car and noisily sped off.
Although Sarah usually excelled in academics, the turmoil at home was having an impact on her. The teachers noticed that she was withdrawn, and would sometimes break into tears with little or no provocation.
Ms Odame, an elderly English teacher, took an interest in her and, after Sarah had told her about the problems she was facing at home, spent any free time she got encouraging her. She realised that there was a deep seated problem behind the symptoms she was displaying. One morning, she took her out for lunch, and asked her the hard question.
‘Sarah, for some time now, I’ve been trying to encourage you, because you are a brilliant girl, even though you may be facing a few problems at home. Now Sarah, I want to do my best to help you, but I want you to try and tell me exactly what the problem is at home, and I will do my best to help you. I promise you that I won’t discuss this with your parents’. Without much hesitation she unburdened herself of the load she had been carrying.
‘My parents are always quarrelling. Most of the time it is about money. Mummy keeps saying that Daddy doesn’t give her money, but spends his money on going out with friends and girls.
She also says that he is not serious with his work, so he’s not gaining any promotion. But Daddy sometimes says something which infuriates Mummy. He says he has kept her secret and given her respect, so she should stop disturbing her.
Mummy would then say that the whole issue was Daddy’s making, that if she mentioned it again she would move us out and leave him destitute. He would usually get scared, and apologised. There would be peace for some time, then it would happen again’.
‘I see. I see. Now, Sarah, I want you to trust me on this. I will do my best to help you. Do your best not to dwell on this. Come to me whenever you need any help, but we will solve the problem very soon’.
Through her enquiries, she learnt that Madam Gladys Ababio taught for a while at Aboso Senior High School. She made further enquiries at the GES, and learnt that the current headmaster of the school had been teaching there for close to twenty years. She called him and booked an appointment, explaining that she wanted to make an enquiry about an issue that would help a student of hers who was currently troubled.
‘Thanks for agreeing to see me’, she said after she had been welcomed with a snack. ‘I will go straight to the point. I have a student in JHS three, a girl. She’s brilliant, but she’s troubled at home. She confided in me that her parents have been quarrelling continually, and they seem to be hiding a secret. The mother was a catering teacher here in this school’.
‘I believe I have your assurance that you will handle this information with care, since it concerns a minor’.
‘You have my fullest assurance, madam
‘.
‘You are talking about Gladys and David, who were my colleagues. I know them, very well. They separated soon after marrying, and Gladys married one Simon. David was a very popular French teacher. In fact, the school’s playground is named after him.
He left for Germany as soon as the marriage broke down. He’s back, doing big business. He has been doing a lot for the school, but he prefers not to be given any publicity.
Now, let me come to the main issue that has brought you here from Koforidua. Not long after David had married Gladys and was living with her, Simon appeared from America, and spent some time in a hotel with her.
This happened again some months later. David got wind of this, and decided to end the marriage and leave town. Gladys and her relatives begged and begged, but he wouldn’t budge. Then, obviously with the intent of punishing him for rejecting her, Gladys came out and told Monsieur that the baby, Sarah, was not his. Indeed, she had told him that she would teach him a lesson.
David was shattered, but his parents advised him not to fight Gladys over the issue, because she was quite strong-headed. They told him that the child would come back to him eventually, if she was truly his. So he left town. And Simon married Gladys.
‘I see. So Sarah is not Simon’s child’.
‘No way. Listen, Sarah was conceived before Simon appeared from nowhere. This was known to everyone at Aboso, because David was very popular, a great guy. I don’t know how Gladys can live with herself, after what she did’.
‘I don’t know how to thank you. I will go back and do my best for the child, without causing much trouble’.
By Ekow de Heer
ALL these forms of responsibility are sustained by one central pillar: spiritual and moral discipline. Without it, knowledge becomes pride, power becomes oppression, and freedom becomes chaos.
The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: “The strong man is not the one who overcomes others by his strength, but the one who controls himself while in anger.” (Bukhari, Hadith 6114)
This control taqwā is the root of responsibility. Imam Al-Ghazali (1105) in Ihya Ulum al-Din wrote that the purification of the soul (tazkiyah al-nafs) is the foundation of all reform. A responsible man disciplines his desires, guards his words, and acts with sincerity, even when no one is watching.
We live in an era of temptation — social media, materialism, and moral relativism challenge our values. But men of faith must rise above these influences and remember that Allah is Al-Raqīb — the Ever-Watchful. Spiritual accountability anchors moral behaviour.
8. Emotional and psychological responsibility
Responsibility also includes taking care of one’s mental and emotional well-being. Many men suffer silently under the burden of expectation — believing that showing emotion is weakness.
Yet, the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم shed tears, expressed compassion, and sought counsel.
Psychologist Aaron Beck (1976) in Cognitive Therapy and the Emotional Disorders emphasised that emotional maturity begins with self-awareness, recognising one’s feelings, and managing them constructively.
Group counselling sessions like this are essential; they help men share, heal, and grow together. No man should walk alone; strength is not isolation, but the courage to seek support. Let us normalise counselling, mentorship, and brotherhood among men. For in unity, we find healing; in shared wisdom, we find growth.
9. The five questions of accountability
The Prophet Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم said: “The feet of the son of Adam shall not move on the Day of Resurrection before he is asked about five things:
- His life — how he lived it;
- His youth — how he used it;
- His wealth — how he earned it and how he spent it;
- His knowledge — how he acted upon it.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2416; also reported in al-Darimi)
This hadith captures the essence of personal accountability — the cornerstone of responsibility in Islam. It reminds every believer that every blessing carries a duty, and every stage of life demands conscious action.
Let’s break it down:
- “His life — how he lived it”
Life is a divine trust (amānah). A responsible man lives with purpose, not pleasure as his goal. He invests his time in doing good, serving others, and seeking Allah’s pleasure. - “His youth — how he used it”
Youth is the most energetic and creative phase — and thus the most accountable. As Ibn al-Qayyim noted in Madarij al-Salikin, “The strength of youth is a blessing, and blessings invite responsibility.” Men must use their youth to build character, gain knowledge, and resist destructive habits. - “His wealth — how he earned it and how he spent it”
Financial integrity is a key part of manhood. Islam demands transparency, fairness, and generosity. The Qur’an warns against wastefulness: “Indeed, the wasteful are brothers of the devils.” (Qur’an 17:27) A responsible man earns lawfully, gives in charity, and spends wisely. - “His knowledge — how he acted upon it”
Knowledge is meaningless if not practiced. Imam Al-Ghazali wrote that knowledge without action is a burden, not a blessing. A responsible man translates his learning into character, leadership, and service.
This Hadith teaches that responsibility in Islam is total and it covers time, energy, wealth, and knowledge. It’s not only about what we achieve, but how we live, how we give, and how we grow.
10. Summary
Responsibility, therefore, is not a single act but a lifestyle — one that touches every sphere of life:
- Educational responsibility empowers us to think and serve.
- Marital and family responsibility keeps our homes strong.
- Environmental responsibility safeguards our future.
- Civic responsibility builds our nation.
- Moral and spiritual responsibility sustains our integrity.
- Emotional responsibility maintains our well-being.
A responsible man is thus an educated mind, a loving heart, a disciplined spirit, and a servant leader. He is not perfect, but he is purposeful.
11. Conclusion
My brothers, as we look toward the future, let us remember the divine reminder:
“The believers, men and women, are protectors of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong.” (Qur’an 9:71)
Our communities are counting on us — our sisters, mothers, and children look to us for leadership and example. Let us not disappoint them. When we build responsible men today, we build a Ghana that is peaceful, prosperous, and principled.
Let us be men of knowledge and humility, strength and compassion, faith and fairness. And may Allah grant us the wisdom to lead ourselves before we lead others. Āmīn.
Imam Alhaji Saeed Abdulai, Kpone Katmanso Municipal Chief Imam, governance expert and certified counselor.
By Imam Alhaji Saeed Abdulai
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Today, I focus on Ghanaian/African migrants in Finland and their mental health. Mental health is an important subject and a huge problem in the world.
According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), brain health is the state of brain functioning across cognitive, sensory, social-emotional, behavioural and motor domains, allowing a person to realise their full potential over the life course, irrespective of the presence or absence of disorders.
Studies have shown that maternal and paternal distress are associated with reduced linear growth of their children. I recently participated in a seminar on mental health among (African) migrants in Finland. We all wondered about the prevalence or incidence of mental illness among migrants in Finland. It will be interesting to know the statistics about mental illness among migrants in Finland.
Mental health in Finland
In Finland, studies have examined how behavioural risk factors mediate the effects of childhood disadvantage on adult psychological distress. A correlation is shown between parent and infant psychotherapy on maternal mental health and psychological functioning and children’s welfare.
There are also research and other reports of social child welfare interventions where at times children are even taken away (child removals) from the parent or parents for safe keeping.
Experts say it is important how parents plan their leaves in order to renew or rebuild their mental strength to be able to take good care of their kids.
Anyway, studies are limited about parent-child psychological distress and situations where children are taken away from their parents among minorities, such as African migrants. It will be interesting to know the figures and other aspects of mental health issues among the migrant group(s) in Finland.
Health and migrant vulnerability
Health experts point out that migrant communities can be highly vulnerable to diseases, especially certain infectious diseases. Experts say those who came to Finland as refugees or asylum seekers and their family members are often in a more vulnerable position in terms of their health (see www.thl.fi).
Research and media reports have shown in many countries that there are structural or societal/cultural factors that result in quite high rates of infection or ill-health among migrants, when compared to the majority population.
It is suggested that for example language barrier, lack of information, the nature of the work of migrants in professions where working from home is not possible (for example during the Covid-19 pandemic), not accessing healthcare, etc. can present some of the factors for migrants’ vulnerability to diseases and infections.
Childhood disadvantage
Information about the issue. Such a situation was much evidenced to reduce stress and anxiety during the coronavirus situation.
Thus, these associations and institutions become networks that create an important social capital as well as outlets for sharing and gaining information or knowledge.
Finland is committed to the integration of migrants into the Finnish society, as I keep pointing out. A number of research studies from surveys and other in-depth enquiries have shown a trend of increasing efforts to integrate African and other migrants into the Finnish society.
As the Finnish Institute for Health and Welfare (THL) has pointed out, health and wellbeing are an important part of integration of immigrants in Finland (see www.thl.fi).
There have been studies on whether behavioural risk factors mediate the effects of childhood disadvantage on adult psychological distress and child welfare intervention by social services. Unhealthy behaviours and their associations with subsequent sickness among Finnish young and early midlife employees have been studied.
When it comes to this subject and/or the effect of adult psychological distress on children’s wellbeing among African migrants in Finland, there is limited knowledge.
We should hope for more information to augment understandings about adult psychological distress and effect on children’s wellbeing among African migrants in order to inform policy directions.
Such studies will help to create awareness among migrants in Finland about their mental health, its effect on them and their children’s wellbeing, as well as where to seek therapy.
Migrant associations, social networks, and information
Migrants associations are already doing much to help in education on mental health and have become important points for securing. Public agencies, migrant associations and other non-governmental organisations (NGOs) in Finland have been publishing information to help educate people about their health and wellbeing.
Generally, migrant associations formally create awareness among their members and other migrants usually in collaboration with some Finnish institutions, and are thus an important tool for several migrants to be positively active and to get their interests and claims heard.
As I wrote previously, the role of migrant associations acting as bridge-builders for the integration and inclusion of migrants through participation in the decision making process and by acting as a representative voice is highly appreciated in Finland. Thank you!
By Perpetual Crentsil
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