Obaa Yaa
I am planning to end the marriage
Dear ObaaYaa,
We had a traditional marriage and sealed it with a memorable wedding. The congregation that attended the wedding was suggestive that the ceremony was grand.
God has graciously blessed me with the fruit of the womb with two beautiful daughters in succession.
I lost my job when l was delivered of my second child and things started to change from bad to worse.
At that time, my husband was very caring and constantly responded to the needs of the family, but one year down the lane, things changed when my husband fell in love with another lady at his place of work.
l could not complain because l had no grounds on which to stand.I, therefore, kept quiet until a friend of mine gave me a vivid account of what had gone on for some period.
Though he had denied having an extra marital affairs with her, as most men would do, l later caught him in the comfortable arms of his lover in the woman’s home.
Having discovered this, he packed out of the house and his attitude towards me and the children suddenly changed. He has refused to give me money for the upkeep of the children and has failed to find out about their welfare.
The lady is nine months pregnant and l understand he is happy about this development.
The situation is unbearable and l am contemplating leaving the marriage. Can l carry out my plans?
Francisca, Accra.
Dear Francisca,
It is appropriate to pour out your frustrations and problems which are disturbing your mind at this crucial moment. The austere economic conditions are not favourable and people are taking alternative steps to survive.
Since times are hard and families find it difficult to make ends meet, l would like to suggest that you kindly rescind your decision for now and stay in your marital home for the sake of the children.
Some men who had indulged in extra marital activities, had to eat the humble pie after serious regrets and re-united with their wives.
Your husband could possibly identify his mistake and return to you. When you leave your matrimonial home, he will presume that you are married to another man and would fail to be responsible for the upkeep of the children.
It is ideal that the two of you raise the children together.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
