Obaa Yaa
I am not ready for third abortion
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We are in a relationship close to seven years and l have had two abortions. On the first occasion, it was normal since l did not feel pains after the act.
Unfortunately, the second abortion nearly ended my life and l am forever grateful to God for having spared my life.
A cousin of mine is aware of the relationship and always pleads with me to compel my lover to know my parents and if possible inform them about our plans to get married in a short period.
Unfortunately, l am once again pregnant and my boyfriend is insisting that l abort the pregnancy because he is not financially capable of fathering a child and shouldering more responsibilities.
Terrified by the ordeal l went through as a result of the second abortion, l had vowed never to terminate any pregnancy in my life.
I am the only daughter of my parents and l cannot imagine how miserable they will be if l die through a preventable and misguided act like this.
Surprisingly, he has threatened not to accept responsibility should l go ahead to maintain the pregnancy.
Should l remain resolute in my decision?
Yaa Baby-Accra.
Dear Yaa Baby,
You have done well by taking a definite decision to correct the unpleasant ordeal you have had and the need to repair your future.
Though it is unacceptable to receive threat from your lover, you are not the first person to receive such a threat and certainly not going to be the last one either.
This is an opportune time for you to inform your parents, and they will not hesitate to pull your lover by his ears to face the consequences of his action. Since he has called for the tune, he must be ready to dance to it.
You will not have it easy with your parents, but the fact remains that one cannot tell what this innocent child will become in the future. Yaa Baby, you will be exceedingly dumbfounded if this child turns out to become an influential person in society.
Stick to your decision because should you survive this abortion like the previous ones, you cannot guarantee the possibility of becoming pregnant in life again.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
