Obaa Yaa
Should l accept his proposal?
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We have been good friends from primary school through to the tertiary and a lot of friends predict that we are good couples in the making.
My friend has been in a stable relationship for many years and friends have concluded that the two love birds will definitely make a good couple.
Unfortunately, close to the end of our studies in the university, my friend suddenly allowed herself to be influenced by a rich man who visited the son on campus.
From the beginning, l thought this interaction would not cause any problem, but it has degenerated into a serious amorous affair.
Now, my friend has decided to leave her longtime friend for this rich man. My repeated appeals and pieces of advice could not help change her mind.
Secondly, her boyfriend who knows me as her best friend, continues to spend sleepless nights on the telephone with intermittent sobs, pleading with me to talk to her to rescind her decision and return to him.
Aware that all his efforts would not work and that my friend was determined to go ahead with the proposed wedding with the rich man, the boyfriend’s attention is now on me.
According to him, having observed me all these years, he has come to the conclusion that l will be the best replacement for my friend. He has promised to see my parents in the shortest period should l accept his proposal.
When l objected, he said it was my friend who abrogated the friendship and that he has decided to pick me as a good replacement, adding that l should not disappoint him either.
Meanwhile, this is a serious gentleman who is capable of becoming a good husband in the future.
Should l accept his proposal?
Nancy, Cape Coast.
Dear Nancy,
This is a thought-provoking issue which ought to be handled by an objective mind and better management for a good result.
I can envisage the pressure on you and the confused state in which you find yourself.
Though you are not responsible for the break in their relationship, you should not accept the offer from this gentleman because it will come with unexpected problems.
Judging from how close she was with this gentleman, one cannot rule out an intimate relationship, a situation which has the potential to break your friendship with your best friend.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
