Obaa Yaa
He is my dependable life partner
We started school from the kindergarten through to the Senior High School and held the greatest belief that we would end up as great academicians.
Even at this level, my friend was knowledgeable, experienced and very intelligent, a quality which enabled him to occupy the first position in class always.
With time, he decided to assist me to catch up in the subjects l was not good at and could hardly pass.
l regard him my mentor and he rightly deserves this accolade because he is principled, keeps to policies and always on fire to ensure that things are done the right way.
Unfortunately, during the process of teaching and helping me to understand some of the difficult topics, the unexpected happened when the two of us dropped our guard and l became pregnant.
Though he was initially disturbed when l disclosed to him that l had missed my period, he quickly picked up courage and consoled me that things would work out for good, despite the incident.
My parents did not hesitate to invite him when l disclosed to them the mess into which l had gotten myself.
I dropped out of school because of my situation and he was solidly behind me. The support l received from my parents and his, made me to go through this turbulent period without regrets.
The two of us agreed that he should continue his education in the university while l nurse our child after which l will also continue.
Keeping to our plans and with the help of God, l joined him in the university after l had weaned my child, and my mother took care of my child.
He completed successfully with a first-class and did his Masters after which he secured a good job in a reputable organisation.
Our parents advised us not to allow misfortunes to take the better part of us but study hard to become successful in the future. With his good example and able direction, l was able to complete my tertiary education and l am now teaching.
ObaaYaa, l would be glad if you could advise parents and the youth on the steps to take in the event of such cases.
Belinda, Accra.
Dear Belinda,
It is worthwhile and pleasing to note that you have turned a problem into success and this has given me the chance to offer words of encouragement to parents and the youth.
All those who played various parts in your life have done exceptionally well and must be commended.
In their quest to study together, the youth should refrain from sitting in enclosed places and be on their guard and stay away from amorous acts.
Though your husband meant well, the two of you were taken by events and the ensuing pregnancy. However, the two of you boldly confronted the challenge and played your respective roles, backed by your parents to calm the storm.
Parents should not instantly throw in the towel and get enraged if things do not work out well for their children. They should work around the clock and come out with alternative results to guarantee a better future for their children.
Irrespective of whatever happens, if the youth involved in the problem fail to take advice, then they should have themselves to blame.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I AM 30 years old and the firstborn of three girls. Our mother died six months ago and since then, things have changed in our house.
I travelled for two weeks for work and when I returned, my younger sister, who is 24 years old, had moved all her things into my room. She said our mother gave her the room before she died, which I know is not true. Our mother left no such instruction before she died.
When I confronted her, she insulted me and told me that if I wanted peace, I should move to the boys’ quarters. Our father is not helping; he says we should not bring family matters outside.
I am hurt and angry. This was my mother’s house and I have been taking care of her before she died. How do I handle this without fighting my own blood sister?
First Born, Tema
Dear First Born,
I AM sorry for the loss of your mother. Grief is already hard, and family conflict makes it heavier.
I understand your pain. You sacrificed for your mother, and now you feel disrespected in your own home.
Please do not fight your sister physically or with insults. Once you fight, the family bond may be difficult to repair.
Don’t fight over the room; fight for peace. For now, manage with another space in the house if you can. Winning a room and losing your sister is not a true win.
Call a family meeting. You cannot do this alone. Invite a respected elder in the family, an uncle, auntie or your church elder whom your father and sister respect. Let them sit both of you down and discuss the matter fairly.
Since your mother left no will, everything should be discussed openly. Talk to your father separately. Your father said he does not want family matters outside, which may mean he still wants unity.
Talk to him calmly, one-on-one, and not when you are angry. Tell him how hurt you feel, not just that your sister is wrong.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
FOR the past year, my mother has been complaining of one sickness after another. Whenever she called to tell me she was in the hospital, she would say the doctor had prescribed some medicines and ask me to send her money. I always did because I believed she was genuinely sick and needed my help.
A few weeks later, she would call again, claiming her condition had worsened. Sometimes it was high blood sugar or high blood pressure, and recently, she complained of sciatica. No matter how much money I sent, there was always another sickness and another medical bill to pay.
I eventually asked her to come to Accra so I could take her to the hospital for a comprehensive medical examination. However, she always had an excuse. She would say her knees hurt too much for her to sit in a car for that long or that her blood pressure was dangerously high.
Every month, I sent her at least GH₵5,000 for medical expenses. The situation became so exhausting that I sometimes stopped answering her calls because I already knew what she wanted to discuss.
Whenever I finally picked up, she would make me feel guilty for not answering.
One day, my aunt called and told me she had something important to share. She sent me a voice recording and warned me not to tell my mother about it.
I was shocked when I listened to the recording. My mother was boasting to someone that she had deliberately refused to come to Accra because she knew I would discover the truth about her supposed illnesses and stop sending her money.
What hurt me most was hearing her say, “If she heals all my sicknesses, what will I eat?”
I was devastated and furious. For an entire week, I refused to answer her calls. When I eventually picked up, she immediately started asking why I wanted her to die.
This time, I could not keep quiet.
Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to stop supporting my mother financially after discovering what she has allegedly been doing? Should I forgive her and give her another chance, or should I maintain my distance to protect myself from further manipulation?
Efe, Accra
Dear Efe,
I CAN understand your anger, disappointment and sense of betrayal. Sending your mother at least GH₵5,000 every month because you believe she is unwell is a significant financial commitment.
Discovering a recording in which she allegedly admits to deliberately avoiding a medical examination so she can continue receiving money from you would understandably hurt you deeply.
The situation is particularly painful because this is your mother, someone you naturally expect to be honest with you.
However, I would advise you not to make your next decision purely out of anger. You have every right to protect yourself from financial and emotional manipulation, but you should also consider the kind of relationship you want to have with your mother in the future.
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