Obaa Yaa
Married man eager to marry me
I met this married man a couple of years ago and he has literally become my greatest provider and everything.
He has rented and furnished a new apartment for me, and provides for my needs.
Though he is married and has four children, he has promised to marry me in addition to his wife, provided l could keep our love affair secret.
His wife is the quarrelsome type who can team up with people to cause disturbance whenever she hears about the husband in an extramarital affairs.
Should l accept his proposal to marry me?
Mary, Cape Coast.
Dear Mary,
The saying goes that ‘all that glitters is not gold,’ therefore, you should not depend on the money and the nice things being lavished on you because this will not be forever.
Trouble will definitely come if this man’s wife gets to know that you have an illicit affair with her husband and the consequences will not be pleasant.
Additionally, you are likely to have problems with this man’s children who will surely side with their mother in all matters.
Since you have had enough from him, try to set aside his proposal and live an independent life to guarantee a future without troubles.
Greetings
Humu Nuhu. Tuesday, June 1, 2020, was your birthday. I wish to indicate that you are a gift to the world for which you deserve the best of everything. On this special occasion, l pray that you receive the joy of life and absolute peace of mind. Belated happy birthday, dear.
From: Rashid, your brother.
Akosua Boakyewaa Mensah. We are filled with joy for the opportunity to celebrate another birthday in good health. On this special occasion, we wish to thank God and pray for His continued blessings and protection.Belated happy birthday.
From: Mr Michael Wonder and Mrs Priscilla Ehun.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have been married for six years and we have two children together but before I met my husband, he was married to another woman and they had a son.
Their marriage ended after several misunderstanding and she relocated to another region.
Over the years, I accepted his son as my own and never stopped him from supporting the child. In fact, I encouraged him to be present in his son’s life.
Three months ago, his ex-wife lost her job and was evicted from her apartment. Since then, she has been struggling financially.
Just last week, he informed me that he wanted to bring her in our matrimonial home temporary so she could get back on her feet and be closer to their son.
My husband insist there is nothing romantic between both of them; rather he is only trying to help the mother of his child.
I am uncomfortable because I feel bringing her home may ruin my marriage.
Adwoa Comfort, Kumasi.
Dear Comfort,
You are not wrong for refusing to let your husband’s ex-wife move into your home. Your discomfort is valid because the matrimonial home is your sanctuary, and such ‘temporary’ arrangements often lack clear end dates, and create emotional triangles that strain the marriage and kids.
Boundaries protect marriages, and ‘help’ doesn’t have to mean moving her in. While your husband’s desire to help the mother of his child is understandable, calling you ‘selfish and heartless’ for having boundaries is manipulation.
He’s presenting a false choice between moving her in or abandoning her, when other options exist.
He can help her by paying for a short-term housing, helping with job applications, or increasing child support temporarily.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 40- year-old banker working in a reputable organisation. My wife is a house wife, yet she is engaged in online business.
My wife has left the marriage on three occasion in less than a year of our marriage. The first time she left the marriage was at the bathroom which she accused me of restricting the way she bathed.
She went ahead to remind me that she had a bigger bathroom in her parents’ house.
The second time, she left because I held her lips because she was screaming. I wanted her to be quiet. She went in, packed a few things and went to her mom to complain about near-abuse.
When I went to her house to plead with her to come back, you should have seen the drama.
Yoofi, Takoradi.
Dear Yoofi,
I understand how exhausted and confused you must be, three separations in just a year is not something you should be happy about.
The bathroom incident points to possible controlling behaviour over, but the bigger issue is when you held her lips. That’s a physical abuse, regardless of the provocation. Putting hands on a spouse to silence them, crosses a line and can bring trouble. The cycle of conflict, her leaving, and you pleading to get her back is an unstable loop.
You should stop pleading at her mother’s house; consult a lawyer to understand your legal risk, and get individual counselling to address the situation.
