Obaa Yaa
I am planning to end the marriage
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Dear ObaaYaa,
We had a traditional marriage and sealed it with a memorable wedding. The congregation that attended the wedding was suggestive that the ceremony was grand.
God has graciously blessed me with the fruit of the womb with two beautiful daughters in succession.
I lost my job when l was delivered of my second child and things started to change from bad to worse.
At that time, my husband was very caring and constantly responded to the needs of the family, but one year down the lane, things changed when my husband fell in love with another lady at his place of work.
l could not complain because l had no grounds on which to stand.I, therefore, kept quiet until a friend of mine gave me a vivid account of what had gone on for some period.
Though he had denied having an extra marital affairs with her, as most men would do, l later caught him in the comfortable arms of his lover in the woman’s home.
Having discovered this, he packed out of the house and his attitude towards me and the children suddenly changed. He has refused to give me money for the upkeep of the children and has failed to find out about their welfare.
The lady is nine months pregnant and l understand he is happy about this development.
The situation is unbearable and l am contemplating leaving the marriage. Can l carry out my plans?
Francisca, Accra.
Dear Francisca,
It is appropriate to pour out your frustrations and problems which are disturbing your mind at this crucial moment. The austere economic conditions are not favourable and people are taking alternative steps to survive.
Since times are hard and families find it difficult to make ends meet, l would like to suggest that you kindly rescind your decision for now and stay in your marital home for the sake of the children.
Some men who had indulged in extra marital activities, had to eat the humble pie after serious regrets and re-united with their wives.
Your husband could possibly identify his mistake and return to you. When you leave your matrimonial home, he will presume that you are married to another man and would fail to be responsible for the upkeep of the children.
It is ideal that the two of you raise the children together.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
