Obaa Yaa
He is back for his child after 8 years
Our marriage was blessed with a lovely boy who has become the delight of many in the family.
Eight years into the marriage, my husband travelled to the USA. While there initially, he was communicating with us frequently but stopped at a point and all attempts to reach him were unsuccessful.
After five years, he called to inform me that he was married, therefore, l should accept proposal from any man who will express interest to marry me.
Eight years after, he has returned to Ghana to take my child away, who is my companion and my only source of joy.
This man does not respect me and my family. I will resist any attempt by him to carry out this paln.
What should l do?
Akua, Accra.
Dear Akua,
The close union which has developed between you and your child has reached a stage that separation will be difficult for you under the circumstance. This is where the problem lies.
Secondly, things would have been better if you had re-married and preoccupied with serving the interest of your new husband.
Though you are no longer together, the two of you can reach a workable settlement to your mutual benefit.
You should work towards shaping the holistic development of this child for a better tomorrow.
Try to involve your elders if it is becoming difficult to help find a workable resolution to the problem.
Greetings
Mr George Kudiabor. Our hearts are glad on the occasion of your birthday. Though belated, we still wish to indicate that we love you and cherish you for playing an invaluable part in the family. May God bless, protect and guide you towards the right path in life. Hold onto your maker and enjoy the beauty of life.
From: Your lovely wife, children and members of The Third Generation.
Madam Lydia Som Yeboah. March 6,was your birthday and we would like to celebrate you for the efforts made to train the youth to enable them to assume responsible positions in the society. We very much appreciate this and pray for God’s protection and guidance for you.
From: Alfred Nii Arday Ankrah
Mr Edward Ansong. March 8, was your birthday and we wish you the best in your endeavours. May you be a blessing to your generation and grow in the grace, peace and love of God. Belated happy birthday.From: New Royal International School Old Students
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I AM 30 years old and the firstborn of three girls. Our mother died six months ago and since then, things have changed in our house.
I travelled for two weeks for work and when I returned, my younger sister, who is 24 years old, had moved all her things into my room. She said our mother gave her the room before she died, which I know is not true. Our mother left no such instruction before she died.
When I confronted her, she insulted me and told me that if I wanted peace, I should move to the boys’ quarters. Our father is not helping; he says we should not bring family matters outside.
I am hurt and angry. This was my mother’s house and I have been taking care of her before she died. How do I handle this without fighting my own blood sister?
First Born, Tema
Dear First Born,
I AM sorry for the loss of your mother. Grief is already hard, and family conflict makes it heavier.
I understand your pain. You sacrificed for your mother, and now you feel disrespected in your own home.
Please do not fight your sister physically or with insults. Once you fight, the family bond may be difficult to repair.
Don’t fight over the room; fight for peace. For now, manage with another space in the house if you can. Winning a room and losing your sister is not a true win.
Call a family meeting. You cannot do this alone. Invite a respected elder in the family, an uncle, auntie or your church elder whom your father and sister respect. Let them sit both of you down and discuss the matter fairly.
Since your mother left no will, everything should be discussed openly. Talk to your father separately. Your father said he does not want family matters outside, which may mean he still wants unity.
Talk to him calmly, one-on-one, and not when you are angry. Tell him how hurt you feel, not just that your sister is wrong.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
FOR the past year, my mother has been complaining of one sickness after another. Whenever she called to tell me she was in the hospital, she would say the doctor had prescribed some medicines and ask me to send her money. I always did because I believed she was genuinely sick and needed my help.
A few weeks later, she would call again, claiming her condition had worsened. Sometimes it was high blood sugar or high blood pressure, and recently, she complained of sciatica. No matter how much money I sent, there was always another sickness and another medical bill to pay.
I eventually asked her to come to Accra so I could take her to the hospital for a comprehensive medical examination. However, she always had an excuse. She would say her knees hurt too much for her to sit in a car for that long or that her blood pressure was dangerously high.
Every month, I sent her at least GH₵5,000 for medical expenses. The situation became so exhausting that I sometimes stopped answering her calls because I already knew what she wanted to discuss.
Whenever I finally picked up, she would make me feel guilty for not answering.
One day, my aunt called and told me she had something important to share. She sent me a voice recording and warned me not to tell my mother about it.
I was shocked when I listened to the recording. My mother was boasting to someone that she had deliberately refused to come to Accra because she knew I would discover the truth about her supposed illnesses and stop sending her money.
What hurt me most was hearing her say, “If she heals all my sicknesses, what will I eat?”
I was devastated and furious. For an entire week, I refused to answer her calls. When I eventually picked up, she immediately started asking why I wanted her to die.
This time, I could not keep quiet.
Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to stop supporting my mother financially after discovering what she has allegedly been doing? Should I forgive her and give her another chance, or should I maintain my distance to protect myself from further manipulation?
Efe, Accra
Dear Efe,
I CAN understand your anger, disappointment and sense of betrayal. Sending your mother at least GH₵5,000 every month because you believe she is unwell is a significant financial commitment.
Discovering a recording in which she allegedly admits to deliberately avoiding a medical examination so she can continue receiving money from you would understandably hurt you deeply.
The situation is particularly painful because this is your mother, someone you naturally expect to be honest with you.
However, I would advise you not to make your next decision purely out of anger. You have every right to protect yourself from financial and emotional manipulation, but you should also consider the kind of relationship you want to have with your mother in the future.
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