Obaa Yaa
He is back for his child after 8 years
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Our marriage was blessed with a lovely boy who has become the delight of many in the family.
Eight years into the marriage, my husband travelled to the USA. While there initially, he was communicating with us frequently but stopped at a point and all attempts to reach him were unsuccessful.
After five years, he called to inform me that he was married, therefore, l should accept proposal from any man who will express interest to marry me.
Eight years after, he has returned to Ghana to take my child away, who is my companion and my only source of joy.
This man does not respect me and my family. I will resist any attempt by him to carry out this paln.
What should l do?
Akua, Accra.
Dear Akua,
The close union which has developed between you and your child has reached a stage that separation will be difficult for you under the circumstance. This is where the problem lies.
Secondly, things would have been better if you had re-married and preoccupied with serving the interest of your new husband.
Though you are no longer together, the two of you can reach a workable settlement to your mutual benefit.
You should work towards shaping the holistic development of this child for a better tomorrow.
Try to involve your elders if it is becoming difficult to help find a workable resolution to the problem.
Greetings
Mr George Kudiabor. Our hearts are glad on the occasion of your birthday. Though belated, we still wish to indicate that we love you and cherish you for playing an invaluable part in the family. May God bless, protect and guide you towards the right path in life. Hold onto your maker and enjoy the beauty of life.
From: Your lovely wife, children and members of The Third Generation.
Madam Lydia Som Yeboah. March 6,was your birthday and we would like to celebrate you for the efforts made to train the youth to enable them to assume responsible positions in the society. We very much appreciate this and pray for God’s protection and guidance for you.
From: Alfred Nii Arday Ankrah
Mr Edward Ansong. March 8, was your birthday and we wish you the best in your endeavours. May you be a blessing to your generation and grow in the grace, peace and love of God. Belated happy birthday.From: New Royal International School Old Students
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
