Obaa Yaa
Will you encourage marriage within same family?
I was betrothed to an influential man in my family who performed my marriage rites when l was a teenager. Though l was at the ceremony and nicely decorated with the best ornament, l did not understand the significance of what took place that day.
When l completed the university, l was not given a breathing space but asked to move into my husband’s house, although l was not mentally prepared for marriage.
I must admit that l was not enthused about getting married to this man but since my parents and the family head impressed upon me, l had no choice but to accept the offer.
Frankly, l am not happy in this marriage because our way of life and perception about issues are different. I have tried hard to tolerate his character but l think things are moving out of order.
This has generated frequent quarrels, l often lose my heart beat and this leaves me in total fear.
I am planning to leave the marriage to the displeasure of my parents.
Will l be taking the right step if l go ahead with my plan?
Abena, Koforidua.
Dear Abena,
Our elders treasured family marriages in order to protect their children from maltreatment, provide them with the love, security and help preserve their wealth.
Parents know the character of their children and the sort of spouse that will be suitable for them, hence the decision to arrange for family marriages.
Since parents conduct background checks of would-be spouses of their children, it is also believed that picking one of their own is better, and some successful marriages can attest to this special arrangement.
The uniqueness of God has brought about the differences in each person’s character and the way we do things and react to issues.
Unfortunately, some of these marriages do not work out well as one would have expected because the individuals did not get the opportunity to study each other before getting married.
Having tolerated him all these years, it will be ideal if you can cope with the differences since they are not life-threatening and live together, especially if there are children in the marriage.
But if things are not getting better, then you can inform your parents that you cannot bear it any longer.
I am in my final year in the university. My elder sister has been very supportive after the death of our parents.
My sister has a boyfriend who visits often. Anytime he comes around, she wonders why I don’t entertain him and why I suddenly find an excuse to leave the room. She takes it as me being cold, even jealous, and it angers her more than I can even imagine.
She has no idea about what is going on behind her back. He has asked me out on several occasions and looks at me in a lustful manner.
But my problem is that I never told my sister the real reason I avoid her boyfriend. I have kept my distance, not out of hate for her or for him, but because I carry a secret that would break her heart.
Princess, Tema.
Dear Princess,
Why are you keeping this away from your sister? As long as you continue to live under the same roof with your sister, tell her about her boyfriend’s behaviour.
Have you by any chance confided in any relative? I’ll advise you to open up to someone, at least to take the weight off your shoulder.
Act fast before the situation exacerbates.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young lady of 23 years who lives in a compound house around Kasoa in the Central Region. I live with my auntie.
We are not always at home because she spends most of the time at the market due to her business, and I am mostly on campus.
One sunny afternoon, I overheard some tenants talking about another who takes her bath in a basin and throws the water away. We have two big bathrooms, but just because she doesn’t want to scrub, she has refused to bathe there.
Although she is usually not around due to her work as a nurse, it doesn’t warrant her to do as she pleases. We have spoken to the landlord about it, but she seems unconcerned. What should I do?
Beatrice, Accra
Dear Beatrice,
I am surprised that your landlord seems unperturbed.
Have you considered having a conversation with the tenant to find out why she ignores the chores? She does not seem bothered about the kind of perception the other tenants have about her.
Why would a young lady who is a nurse and an advocate for healthy living be this lazy and unconcerned about her surroundings?
No excuse should be tolerated just because she’s a nurse and mostly not around.
