Features
THESE CROOKS IN CASSOCK!
It’s been donkey’s years since I heard from you,
Araba my beloved sister. I’m told you’ve found
a sugar daddy in the big city, and he is oozing sweet
honey down your lips making you forget all about
me.
Anyway, life in the village has not changed much. I am writing you this quick letter before I dash down with Uncle Fiifi to the farm to tap palm-wine. But you need to advise him, my sister. Uncle Fiifi’s penchant for intoxication seems to have reached a crescendo pitch, and the earlier we helped him nip this habit in the bud the better.
Araba, there have been a few developments in our hamlet and its immediate environs that I find necessary to share with you. I won’t be taken aback if similar developments are rearing their ugly heads in the big city, since such craziness usually begins from there.
It’s now making sense to me why Paapa, while he was alive, constantly cautioned us against associating or worshiping with any of these ‘one man’ churches mushrooming all over the place. Sister, I used to think he was making mountains out of molehills, but events that have unfolded these past weeks have clearly vindicated him.
Araba, did you hear of one Pastor Korkorti this so-called man of God in our village who was busily shaving the pubic hairs out of the private parts of our wives and mothers? Eeii My sister
I couldn’t believe it! The man would bend low every now and then, stare inquiringly at their sensitive parts, and shave the jungles with surgical precision
To rub salt in old wound, Araba, this sorry apology of a priest was speaking gibberish – what he called a spiritual language – while subjecting our women to the height of all deceptions
Sister, it was both whimsical and incredulous to see those gullible women wriggle their waists and sing praises in ecstasy as he hoodwinked them. Araba, from the way the woman wriggled their waists while being shaved, only heaven knows what they would do with those same waists as they scurried to the pastor’s office one after the other after the service
There is something very wrong with the priesthood today, Araba. Everybody is now a pastor; and the emphasis is on money, money, and more money Young people drop out of school when they find academic work quite challenging, and the quickest escape for them is to establish churches and become pastors
When the going gets tough, you must become a pastor so you can take some offering
It’s such a pity, Araba.
I also find it mind-boggling why nearly all of them want to be called ‘prophets’, and the next moment you would hear that they have gone to consult Kwaku Bonsam for powers to perform miracles. Araba, it is quite ludicrous looking at some of the miracles they claim to perform: giving of lotto numbers, instant cash in your mobile money wallet or polythene bag, instant pregnancy, money doubling, power to scam and defraud white people online, Do As I Say, you name them.
Sister, these acts of satanism used to be the stock-in-trade of fetish priests and Juju men in times past.
But today, these magicians parading as pastors, have taken over the game And our radio and television stations, taking their fair share of these pastors’ ill-gotten booty, allot gargantuan time on air to these charlatans to display their tommyrot
Araba, I know and believe there are many good pastors out there: pastors whose preoccupation is to teach the truth of God’s word to their flocks, and also lead by example. But sister, the bad nuts are gradually sinking the ship, and it’s time to wake up before it got too late
I believe there must be freedom of worship and freedom of association, my sister, but we need to check constantly the activities of these charlatans and ensure that their modus operandi fall within the ambit of the law.
As much as it would be improper to infringe on their right to worship, it would also be dangerous and irresponsible on our part to turn a blind eye completely to their activities. Let’s remember, Araba, that our wives, mothers and daughters are among their congregations We cannot sit on the fence
Since ‘religion is the opium of the masses (according to Karl Marx), it is to be expected that men would always take recourse to religion to soothe their pains whenever life’s lances cut deep.
We cannot, therefore, blame poor church folk entirely for running to these conmen to seek remedies. The activities of those churches, I reiterate, ought to be regulated
Araba, many may have thought his move was quite harsh and draconian, but Rwandan President Paul Kagame, deserves tonnes of applause for his relentless effort in clamping down on some churches in Kigali. In that move, 700 churches and a mosque were closed down.
Araba, there was a new law the Kagame administration proposed that I find very interesting: all preachers were to have a theological degree before starting a church. I support this fully, and pray we consider and implement same here in GhanaSound theological training before opening a church would ensure that we have preachers who know what they are about
This whole craziness of pastors claiming to be angels who would soon be promoted to become Jesus Christ; this whole hogwash of preachers claiming to hold sacred meetings with holy angels by name Ayetefrim and Nimokafrim, this whole balderdash of supposed men of God instructing their congregants to drink petrol and eat grass as a form of spiritual direction, this whole tommyrot of so-called prophets of God instructing members of their congregations to perform oral sex on them in order to receive deliverance and blessing, would become a thing of the past when we require church leaders to meet modest standards
Araba, I read also from the news that in South Africa, two churches – Rabboni Ministries and End Time Disciples Ministries – posted images of their leaders feeding followers snakes and rats At that time, the man dubbed the ‘snake pastor’ by local media, Prophet Penuel Mnguni, said he was “doing God’s work and didn’t need to explain God’s ways to people.” Such bullcrap, Araba! That man’s head ought to be examined
Was he saying that it was God’s way for his followers to ingest snakes and rats?!
South Africa’s Commission for the Promotion and Protection of Cultural, Religious and Linguistic Communities (CLR), which summoned 40 churches, said their wide-ranging sessions found that ‘commercialisation is definitely there… and abuse of people belief systems.’ It’s all about money, Araba, and the ways and means to extort it from unsuspecting followers.
The situation is not any different in Kenya, where President Uhuru Kenyatta, has called for the regulation of churches. He has pointed out that the move was aimed at stamping out bogus churches and church leaders, who he described as ‘thieves’ not ‘preachers’.
Araba, it has also become the norm for certain prophets (if really they are), to make predictions about every forthcoming event, claiming to have heard accurately from God, only for those events to produce outcomes completely opposite to their predictions! I know, however, my sister, that every word coming genuinely from God, never fails! And I know, Araba, that when a so-called prophet makes a prediction which fails to materialise, he never heard from God in the first place. His prophecy was only a figment of his own imagination or preference. Listen to what the Scripture says in Deuteronomy 18:22 – when a prophet speaks in the name of the Lord, if the thing does not happen or come to pass, that is the thing which the Lord has not spoken; the prophet has spoken it presumptuously; you shall not be afraid of him.
Araba, I do not want to talk about those I prefer to call the ‘Death Prophets’. All they see is people who would be dying soon. Nothing more, nothing less! I am ‘sick and tired of being sick and tired’, my sister. Let me leave now to tap palm-wine with Uncle Fiifi. But we’ll be careful not to pass by Pastor Korkorti’s church. We’re not ready to have anyone shave our jungles! Just too many crooks in cassock!!
So long,
Kwaku Aidoo
Features
Tears of Ghanaman, home and abroad
The typical native of Sikaman is by nature a hospitable creature, a social animal with a big heart, a soul full of the milk of earthly goodness, and a spirit too loving for its own comfort.
Ghanaman hosts a foreign pal and he spends a fortune to make him very happy and comfortable-good food, clean booze, excellent accommodation and a woman for the night.
Sometimes the pal leaves without saying a “thank you but Ghanaman is not offended. He’d host another idiot even more splendidly. His nature is warm, his spirit benevolent. That is the typical Ghanaian and no wonder that many African-Americans say, “If you haven’t visited Ghana. Then you’ve not come to Africa.
You can even enter the country without a passport and a visa and you’ll be welcomed with a pot of palm wine.
If Ghanaman wants to go abroad, especially to an European country or the United States, it is often after an ordeal.
He has to doze in a queue at dawn at the embassy for days and if he is lucky to get through to being interviewed, he is confronted by someone who claims he or she has the power of discerning truth from lie.
In short Ghanaman must undergo a lie-detector test and has to answer questions that are either nonsensical or have no relevance to the trip at hand. When Joseph Kwame Korkorti wanted a visa to an European country, the attache studied Korkorti’s nose for a while and pronounced judgment.
“The way I see you, you won’t return to Ghana if I allow you to go. Korkorti nearly dislocated her jaw; Kwasiasem akwaakwa. In any case what had Korkorti’s nose got to do with the trip?
If Ghanaman, after several attempts, manages to get the visa and lands in the whiteman’s land, he is seen as another monkey uptown, a new arrival of a degenerate ape coming to invade civilized society. He is sneered at, mocked at and avoided like a plague. Some landlords abroad will not hire their rooms to blacks because they feel their presence in itself is bad business.
When a Sikaman publisher landed overseas and was riding in a public bus, an urchin who had the impudence and notoriety of a dead cockroach told his colleagues he was sure the black man had a tail which he was hiding in his pair of trousers. He didn’t end there. He said he was in fact going to pull out the tail for everyone to see.
True to his word he went and put his hand into the backside of the bewildered publisher, intent on grabbing his imaginary tail and pulling it out. It took a lot of patience on the part of the publisher to avert murder. He practically pinned the white miscreant on the floor by the neck and only let go when others intervene. Next time too…
The way we treat our foreign guests in comparison with the way they treat us is polar contrasting-two disparate extremes, one totally incomparable to the other. They hound us for immigration papers, deport us for overstaying and skinheads either target homes to perpetrate mayhem or attack black immigrants to gratify their racial madness
When these same people come here we accept them even more hospitably than our own kin. They enter without visas, overstay, impregnate our women and run away.
About half of foreigners in this country do not have valid resident permits and was not a bother until recently when fire was put under the buttocks of the Immigration Service
In fact, until recently I never knew Sikaman had an Immigration Service. The problem is that although their staff look resplendent in their green outfit, you never really see them anywhere. You’d think they are hidden from the public eye.
The first time I saw a group of them walking somewhere, I nearly mistook them for some sixth-form going to the library. Their ladies are pretty though.
So after all, Sikaman has an Immigration Service which I hear is now alert 24 hours a day tracking down illegal aliens and making sure they bound the exit via Kotoka International. A pat on their shoulder.
I am glad the Interior Ministry has also realised that the country has been too slack about who goes out or comes into Sikaman.
Now the Ministry has warned foreigners not to take the country’s commitment to its obligations under the various conditions as a sign of weakness or a source for the abuse of her hospitality.
“Ghana will not tolerate any such abuse,” Nii Okaija Adamafio, the Interior Minister said, baring his teeth and twitching his little moustache. He was inaugurating the Ghana Refugee and Immigration Service Boards.
He said some foreigners come in as tourists, investors, consultants, skilled workers or refugees. Others come as ‘charlatans, adventurers or plain criminals. “
Yes, there are many criminals among them. Our courts have tried a good number of them for fraud and misconduct.
It is time we welcome only those who would come and invest or tour and go back peacefully and not those whose criminal intentions are well-hidden but get exposed in due course of time.
This article was first published on Saturday March 14, 1998
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Features
Decisions have consequences
In this world, it is always important to recognise that every action or decision taken, has consequences.
It can result in something good or bad, depending on the quality of the decision, that is, the factors that were taken into account in the decision making.
The problem with a bad decision is that, in some instances, there is no opportunity to correct the result even though you have regretted the decision, which resulted in the unpleasant outcome.
This is what a friend of mine refers to as having regretted an unregretable regret. After church last Sunday, I was watching a programme on TV and a young lady was sharing with the host, how a bad decision she took, had affected her life immensely and adversely.
She narrated how she met a Caucasian and she got married to him. The white man arranged for her to join him after the marriage and processes were initiated for her to join her husband in UK. It took a while for the requisite documentation to be procured and during this period, she took a decision that has haunted her till date.
According to her narration, she met a man, a Ghanaian, who she started dating, even though she was a married woman.
After a while her documents were ready and so she left to join her husband abroad without breaking off the unholy relationship with the man from Ghana.
After she got to UK, this man from Ghana, kept pressuring her to leave the white man and return to him in Ghana. The white man at some point became a bit suspicious and asked about who she has been talking on the phone with for long spells, and she lied to him that it was her cousin.
Then comes the shocker. After the man from Ghana had sweet talked her continuously for a while, she decided to leave her husband and return to Ghana after only three weeks abroad.
She said, she asked the guy to swear to her that he would take care of both her and her mother and the guy swore to take good care of her and her mother as well as rent a 3-bedroom flat for her. She then took the decision to leave her husband and return to Ghana.
She told her mum that she was returning to Ghana to marry the guy in Ghana. According to her, her mother vigorously disagreed with her decision and wept.
She further added that her mum told her brother and they told her that they were going to tell her husband about her intentions.
According to her, she threatened that if they called her husband to inform him, then she would commit suicide, an idea given to her by the boyfriend in Ghana.
Her mum and brother afraid of what she might do, agreed not to tell her husband. She then told her husband that she was returning to Ghana to attend her Grandmother’s funeral.
The husband could not understand why she wanted to go back to Ghana after only three weeks stay so she had to lie that in their tradition, grandchildren are required to be present when the grandmother dies and is to be buried.
She returned to Ghana; the flat turns into a chamber and hall accommodation, the promise to take care of her mother does not materialise and generally she ends up furnishing the accommodation herself. All the promises given her by her boyfriend, turned out to be just mere words.
A phone the husband gave her, she left behind in UK out of guilty conscience knowing she was never coming back to UK.
Through that phone and social media, the husband found out about his boyfriend and that was the end of her marriage.
Meanwhile, things have gone awry here in Ghana and she had regretted and at a point in her narration, was trying desperately to hold back tears. Decisions indeed have consequences.
NB: ‘CHANGE KOTOKA INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT TO KOFI BAAKO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT’
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