Relationship
Stop damaging your love life!
Sometimes, unknowingly, we are doing things that don’t positively impact our lives. These habits have a way of subconsciously seeping into our daily life so we don’t even realise that the fault might be our own. We always have someone else to blame for our failures. Possibly, you are doing a lot of things right, but one of these might be reducing your chances of being in a healthy relationship. If you are doing even one of the following, you need to stop right now!
Cutting yourself off from social interactions
If you are looking to meet someone while you stay inside a shell, waiting to be discovered, then I’m sorry to tell you that the chances of that happening are scarce. Life is no Disney movie. You need to put yourself out there. If you keep turning down every invitation, don’t indulge in group activities, excuse yourself from conversations; you are reducing the chances of ever meeting the one with some potential. The game rules are; you need to play if you want to win.
Settling for a temporary relationship
Many people choose to be with the wrong person over being alone. If you are settling for someone not suitable for you, killing time as you wait for the right one to come along, you need to burst this bubble. You will never meet your right match if you are stuck with the wrong one, and how do you even explore your options if you are not even a hundred per cent available, not without cheating on your present partner, of course. So be honest with yourself and your partner, and don’t settle for a mediocre relationship if that’s not what you were looking for.
Coming off as desperate
Remember that creepy guy/girl from college who was always found around you, not giving up any opportunity to talk to you? Think back to what a big turn-off it was, and even if they were a nice person, you always ran in the opposite direction because of how desperate they were. So, unless you are trying to attract that freak from college, be available but don’t appear too desperate. Be subtle in your approach, don’t lose your poise, and appear overly eager.
Being around people who are cynical about love
Do most of your friends have negative opinions about love and relationships and can’t stop going on and on about what a waste of time love is? If yes, you need to spend less time with them, else this negativity will affect you and your perspective towards love. It’s okay if they try to cheer you up from your recent break-up, but if this is who they are, you don’t want that kind of disapproval for love in your life. You may have had a couple of unsuccessful relationships, but that should not make you bitter about ever finding love again. How will you find something you don’t even believe exists, and by all means, love does exist? You just need to give yourself a chance to be accepting of it.
Overindulging in comfort food/drinks etc
You will never see an emotionally healthy person constantly drowning in their sorrows in comfort food, drinks, maybe even alcohol, etc. It’s okay to do it occasionally, but if you are always seen with a big bag of chips or can’t function without a bit of hash, this is a big turn-off. Nobody wants to be with a person who has labelled himself or herself as unhappy and emotionally unstable, and chances are if you keep up with this detrimental habit, very soon your physical health will start showing the signs too.
Having a negative mindset
Many people who have been single for a long time or have had unsuccessful relationships develop a pessimistic mindset. In this kind, even though you are open to dating, you know it’s going to be of ‘no use.’ If you keep having a hopeless outlook towards finding the right partner, this will be visible in all your social interactions, and your overall energy will be below. You won’t put in enough effort in building up a conversation because you think it’s a waste etc. Your perspective will affect your actions and how much you invest in communicating with someone.
Source: www.dreamyhub.com
Parenting teens can be challenging. But it can also be a joy. The key is to know how to care for yourself, first and foremost. Before you have children, you might think that parenting will come naturally. And, to some degree, it does. But there are days (and sometimes months and years) when all parents could use some extra support.
Last week we looked at some four simple yet powerful approaches for parenting teens that build strong relationships for the long-run. Here are the remaining two:
4: Keep communication going
Because we are often busy and distracted, we do not always take the time to really focus on our kids when they’re trying to tell us something. Take advantage of the time you have together. Having dinner together as a family, using car time to talk, or chatting before bed are good ways to stay in daily touch with your teen. Prioritise quality time as well as quantity: Consider having breakfast out on the weekend as a special catch-up time to chat about the week. Or schedule monthly “family meetings” to discuss how things have been going and any conflicts that have arisen.
5. Be an empathetic listener
Listening with empathy and caring is one of the most important tips on parenting a teenager. Researchers have shown that people’s brain patterns synchronise when they listen closely to one another and watch each other’s expressions. As a result, the connection between them becomes stronger. Not feeling truly heard can lead to isolation and lack of self-esteem which are the root causes of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. Therefore, take listening seriously. It’s not just a way of coping with teenagers; it has an enormous impact on their well-being.
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SHE did not find out he was cheating. She found out he was drowning.
It was two weeks after their beautiful wedding. The jollof was still in the fridge. A loan officer called her number—not his—and politely asked, “Madam, please tell your husband to pay his overdue loan. We have been calling him.”
That was how she discovered her new husband had entered their marriage with a hidden debt of over GH¢40,000. No cheating. No other woman. Just a financial secret.
And that is how many Ghanaian marriages begin to die. Not with a shout, but with a secret alert on a phone.
In my therapy/counselling office in Accra, week after week, I sit with couples whose marriages are not broken by infidelity, but by invoices. If you ask me what is quietly killing Ghanaian marriages today, I will tell you without blinking: it is not that love has died; it is that money honesty never lived.
We prepare for the wedding. We do not prepare for the wallet.
What is money honesty?
Let me define it simply. Money honesty is not that you both earn the same. It is that you both know the same. It is the ability to sit down and say without fear:
“This is how much I earn.”
“This is how much I owe.”
“This is how I was raised to see money.”
“This is what scares me about money.”
Financial transparency is not about control. It is about clarity. You cannot build trust on top of secrets.
Many couples tell me, “Counselor, we love each other, love will handle money.” I always answer, “Love is the car, but money honesty is the fuel. Love without honesty cannot move.”
Why do Ghanaian partners hide money?
From my clinical observation, it is not always wickedness. It is often woundedness.
1. The fear of losing power: Especially for men, money is seen as power. “If she knows how much I have, she will control me or disrespect me.” So he hides.
2. Family entanglement: “If my wife knows I give my mother GH¢1,500 every month, there will be trouble.” So he creates a second MoMo account. Many Ghanaian marriages have three accounts—his, hers, and the secret family one.
3. Past trauma: A woman who grew up in a home where her mother begged for chop money will never be honest about her savings. She is not greedy. She is scared. She is saving for her survival.
4. Debt shame: In Ghana today, with easy access to Qwikloan, Fido, and bank salary loans, many young men and women enter marriage already drowning in debt. They hide it because they feel, “If I tell him/her, they won’t marry me.”
So the hiding begins. And that is where the insurance lapses.
The 3 Devastating Prices You Pay For Financial Secrecy
Research from Kansas State University found that arguments about money are the number one predictor of divorce, more than arguments about children, in-laws, or sex. Why? Because money arguments are never about money. They are about trust, respect, and security.
Price 1: It destroys trust faster than infidelity.
When you discover your spouse has a secret child, you are hurt. When you discover your spouse has a secret debt that loan officers are now chasing YOU for, you feel betrayed and foolish. Clients tell me, “Counselor, I can forgive cheating, but I cannot forgive that he made me look like a fool at the bank.”
Price 2: It creates chronic anxiety in your home.
A home where money is a mystery is a home where no one sleeps well. The wife is always checking his phone not for other women, but for loan alerts. The husband is always anxious when his wife says, “Can we talk?” You cannot have intimacy where there is financial anxiety.
Price 3: It teaches your children to lie.
Children are watching. When daddy says, “Tell anyone who calls that I am not around because of money,” you are teaching your son that lying about money is normal. We are raising a generation of financially dishonest partners.
