Obaa Yaa
Should l accept him back?
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
Our lovely relationship ended when l disclosed to him that l was pregnant. Initially, he denied responsibility of the pregnancy, but his mother who said she would not condone wrongdoing because the two of us were always together said she believed her son was responsible.
I went through painful labour after which l was delivered of my baby.
Since he wasn’t working then, his mother who was a single parent came to my assistance and helped me and my baby until her resources were depleted.
Luckily, he was able to get a job and this good fortune revived my hopes that things would be better and the education of my child and upkeep were assured.
This could not be as my man abandoned us and moved to settle in Accra without any prior information and stayed with a new lady he had befriended.
For close to three years, l was left to cater for my child’s education and everything by taking up menial jobs.
Painfully, he has changed his telephone number which makes it difficult for me to reach him on phone to discuss issues concerning the wellbeing of our child.
A week to Christmas, he came and pleaded with me to forgive him the wrong he had done against me and accept him back.
It was not easy entertaining him because of the way he had treated me, and for the fact that l lost my parents which he never considered to sympathise with me or find out how his child fared.
He has left me thinking about the appropriate step l have to take under the circumstance.
Should l accept him back?
Nancy, Cape Coast.
Dear Nancy,
It is not easy living under such circumstances and from all indications you have endured a lot of pain and hardships over the period.
I can confirm that two of such ‘come backs’ had produced different results. In the first instance, the gentleman returned a changed and very humble person who eventually brought back smiles to the family.
In the second example, the man was only looking for another opportunity and succeeded by taking advantage of the leniency of the lady and ended up doing worse things.
You ought to be careful about this gentleman who could be an opportunist, and has come back to deceive you once again as though he is a changed person who has come to improve your condition.
Be mindful of his decision to reject the pregnancy in the beginning but for the intervention of his mother. This gentleman could be making a return because of your new looks.
A CEO visited his office and saw a man who was scrolling through his phone while sitting on a sofa.
The CEO asked, “What are you doing?”
The man replied, “Wasting my time until I’ll get paid.”
The CEO was furious, “What is your weekly salary!?”
Man, “$1000”
The CEO counted $2000 and gave it to the man, “Take this money and get out! You don’t work here anymore!”
The man silently took the money and left.
CEO walked up to the reception, “By the way, who was this guy?”
The receptionist said, “Pizza delivery”.
I didn’t understand why my father abandoned me as a child until he appeared recently and told me my mom placed a curse on him.
I was about thirteen or fifteen, my mom took me to the front of a big house and told me that is where I belong.
I knocked the door and the man sacked me from the house to go back to my mother.
Life with my mother was very tough until God came through for me to gain a scholarship.
Years later, I’d returned from abroad when this man walked up to me apologising.
I take care of him and provide him with everything. He needs my attention but I doubt if he will get that from me because he didn’t take care of me.
Jojo, USA.
Dear Jojo,
This is such a heart breaking story. No child deserves to grow up wondering why a parent was absent or feeling abandoned.
If your father’s explanation is true, the responsibility for leaving you still rests with him. A curse, fear, or conflict with your mother may explain his decisions, but it does not excuse abandoning his child.
Parents have a duty to love, protect, and remain present in their children’s lives, regardless of the problems between them.
Now that he has returned, it is reasonable to listen to what he has to say, but you do not have to accept everything without question. Ask him honest questions about why he stayed away for so many years, why he never tried to reach you, and what he hopes to achieve by reconnecting now. His willingness to take responsibility for his choices is more important than the explanation he gives.
At the same time, try not to carry the burden of your parents’ conflict. Whatever happened between them was their issue, not yours. You were an innocent child who deserved the love and presence of both parents.
If you choose to rebuild a relationship with your father, let it happen gradually. Trust is earned through consistent actions, not just words. If you decide not to have a close relationship with him, that is also your right. Forgiveness, if you choose it, should be for your own peace of mind, not because you are obligated to overlook the pain you experienced.
Most importantly, remember that your worth was never determined by your father’s absence. His choices reflect his decisions, not your value as a person.
The past cannot be changed, but how you respond now can help you find healing and peace.
