Obaa Yaa
Should l accept him back?
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Our lovely relationship ended when l disclosed to him that l was pregnant. Initially, he denied responsibility of the pregnancy, but his mother who said she would not condone wrongdoing because the two of us were always together said she believed her son was responsible.
I went through painful labour after which l was delivered of my baby.
Since he wasn’t working then, his mother who was a single parent came to my assistance and helped me and my baby until her resources were depleted.
Luckily, he was able to get a job and this good fortune revived my hopes that things would be better and the education of my child and upkeep were assured.
This could not be as my man abandoned us and moved to settle in Accra without any prior information and stayed with a new lady he had befriended.
For close to three years, l was left to cater for my child’s education and everything by taking up menial jobs.
Painfully, he has changed his telephone number which makes it difficult for me to reach him on phone to discuss issues concerning the wellbeing of our child.
A week to Christmas, he came and pleaded with me to forgive him the wrong he had done against me and accept him back.
It was not easy entertaining him because of the way he had treated me, and for the fact that l lost my parents which he never considered to sympathise with me or find out how his child fared.
He has left me thinking about the appropriate step l have to take under the circumstance.
Should l accept him back?
Nancy, Cape Coast.
Dear Nancy,
It is not easy living under such circumstances and from all indications you have endured a lot of pain and hardships over the period.
I can confirm that two of such ‘come backs’ had produced different results. In the first instance, the gentleman returned a changed and very humble person who eventually brought back smiles to the family.
In the second example, the man was only looking for another opportunity and succeeded by taking advantage of the leniency of the lady and ended up doing worse things.
You ought to be careful about this gentleman who could be an opportunist, and has come back to deceive you once again as though he is a changed person who has come to improve your condition.
Be mindful of his decision to reject the pregnancy in the beginning but for the intervention of his mother. This gentleman could be making a return because of your new looks.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I took off my wedding rings but could not find it again. I was washing when I took them off and placed them on a wall close to me. Honestly, after washing I forgot to pick them up until the evening, when my husband asked where my ring were, I quickly dashed out of the room to check where I had placed them, but they were not there. My husband made it clear that I was cheating that was why I could take my rings off and lose them.
I was packing to leave the house when the bags fell and I heard a tinkling sound of metals instead of plastic. I looked around the floor, and my rings were lying there.
Who took the rings and kept them there and why would the person do that to me just to shake the foundation of my marriage?
Oye, Tabora.
Dear Oye,
Your husband’s reaction was abusive, not just angry. Accusing you of cheating was just mean.
Rings don’t prove fidelity, trust does. Your response was fair: taking rings off to wash is normal, and cheating has nothing to do with it.
The fact that the rings ‘mysteriously’ ended up in your bags suggests someone moved them deliberately to cause conflict. A partner who jumps to punishment instead of problem-solving will do it again when the next misunderstanding happens.
If indeed your husband threatened and pushed you out, kindly talk to someone you trust in the family or a counsellor before moving back in. If you choose to stay, your husband needs to apologise and let peace to reign.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
My life started falling apart the very day I got married. I started experiencing a series of unfortunate events, which nearly broke me.
In the first year into our marriage, I lost a very lucrative job when my wife was pregnant.
I was scheduled for an interview at the Korle-Bu Teaching Hospital.
Immediately I got down from a taxi, out of nowhere, a motorbike at full speed knocked me down. I broke my leg and was admitted to the hospital for three months.
I lost the opportunity for the breakthrough. Since then, things have become difficult for my family. Is my problem spiritual or what?
Mawuli, Keta.
Dear Mawuli,
Stop linking your hardships to your wedding. Job loss, accidents, and unemployment are painful situations but that doesn’t mean your marriage is cursed.
In life, there are misfortunes and I urge you to continue to pray hard and wait upon the lord.
Focus on what you can control right now: your health, your finances, and your mental health.
Focus on your leg, take any work to build momentum, and consider therapy to break the “everything is a spiritual attack” cycle. Talk honestly with your wife; you two are a team, not the problem.
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