Obaa Yaa
Should I accept her back?
Dear Obaa Yaa,
We were lovers for a couple of years and things were moving on well for us, a condition which gave us much joy. Encouraged by how things went between us, we planned to seal our relationship with a memorable marriage.
Unfortunately, my lady, with reasons best known to her, became dissatisfied with me, her character suddenly changed towards me and shunned my company a few months ago.
After one year, she entered into another relationship and had a child.
The child is five years old and she has started calling my number frequently to find out how I am doing.
Though we sometimes exchanged pleasantries and talked for some period, I have been very careful not to be enticed by her in any way.
Surprisingly, she has been pleading that she wronged me, adding that I should take her back since she made a mistake by leaving me for another man who has neglected her eventually and got married.
My worry is that she won the hearts of my parents and they wished she was my wife, but they were disappointed at the decision she took.
Though she is out of my way, they occasionally mention her in their conversations, an indication that they still have her in mind. Should I accept her back?
Michael, Kaneshie-Accra.
Dear Michael,
Love strives on many things, including tolerance, perseverance, the willingness to forgive and fruitful conditions.
I am pretty sure your lover might have seen something good in the person who had lured and eventually won her love.
It is good she had the opportunity to study the two of you and has now inferred that you are better than the other man, hence her decision to plead for forgiveness that you take her back.
Do not be in hurry to make a hasty decision in this case since you could be making a mistake. You ought to take your time, seek the consent of your parents since she was in their good books before her abrupt decision to leave you.
Love has deeper meaning and various considerations which must be carefully employed. In view of this, you have to listen to your conscience and go by it.
My conviction is that having known each other very well will provide the mutual understanding which is necessary for your marriage to last.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
