Obaa Yaa
I lost my virginity to my relative
My father is loving, caring and his greatest desire is not only to develop the human resource base of his children, but to enable the youth in the family reach appreciable levels in education.
Irrespective of this laudable intention of my father, I lost my virginity to one relative of mine when l was 14 years old.
My parents used to travel on business trips for about two weeks every three months, during which we were left under the care of our relatives who were older than us.
This elderly relative of mine behaved as though he loved me and had my welfare at heart, not knowing behind his charming smiles and seemingly caring nature was a sinister motive to put me to bed at all cost.
Being an elderly relative who knew much about life and was sexually active, he succeeded in luring me into an active sex life.
Surprisingly, though l am now 23 years old and in the university, he still made attempts to seduce me into having an affair with him.
Since l now resist his diabolical advances, he complains vehemently about whatever l do and resorts to telling lies about me to my parents. He has been able to influence my parents to believe in his part of the narrative, for which reason my parents often blame me for trying to be a naughty girl.
He has discouraged my boyfriend from visiting me with the reason that l am too young and inexperienced to be in a relationship.
I would like to report his conduct to my mother, but l am scared about my parents’ reaction when they hear of this and the likelihood that my father will withdraw the assistance he has been giving him and sack him from the house.
Kindly assist me with an answer to enable me make a decision before the worse happens.
What step should l take in order to deal with this problem?
Mercy, Odumase Krobo.
Dear Mercy,
You must know that your moral life is at stake because of the secret relationship between you and your relative.
The fear is that the frequency of sexual acts between the two of you has the tendency of making you think that the illicit relationship is normal, while it increases your sexual appetite.
As a student in a tertiary institution, you are no longer a child but a matured person who is capable of taking your destiny into your own hands.
This is an abominable act which must be condemned by all and failure to act now will result in consequences you will grow to regret later.
This is an opportune time for you to halt this unhealthy practice before pregnancy sets in to further set the family apart.
You can imagine how enraged your parents would be when they discover this unhealthy relationship between the two of you. Be informed that you will get a fair share of the blame when they get to know.
Your relative must control his libido, know better and should not abuse the good intention of your father and pay him back this way.
Report his conduct to your parents before it is too late.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
