Relationship
Secrets for lasting relationship
It is believed that after seven years of a marriage, the happiness starts wavering. If you get through this, it’s most probably going to last. Seven years is a considerable amount of time. A lot can change during these times. You might have gone through a lot. You would’ve had numerous fall outs, major life style changes, differences with not only each other but the respective families as well and what not. There might have been good times as well as bad times. And to live through these, you could hopefully benefit from the following things:
See the humour in things
Everybody appreciates a good sense of humour. Don’t ever let anything get too serious. Learn to laugh at yourself. Try keeping things on the lighter side. You can always save a situation with a good laugh. However, be careful with your timing or you might end up worsening things.
Discover how you express love
This is different for everyone as well. We all have our own way of professing our love. Since it’s different for everyone, people often remain in doubt as to whether their partner feels the same way or not. You need to recognise and learn their patterns. Once you do so, you’ll see that even though your ways are different, the love is present.
Don’t suffocate each other
You can be in a relationship and be yourselves at the same time. And for that, you both need time for yourselves. You don’t need to be together all the time or do everything together. Respect and acknowledge your partner’s need to spend time apart. When you have time to do the things you want and to take care of yourself, you can actually be more giving and focused in the time you spend with them.
Talk about everything!
When you’re sharing your life with someone, you need to share taking decisions that would impact you both. It’s better to have everything out in the open rather than putting it off to a point where you have no choice but to deal with it. You both deserve to know how you feel regarding a certain subject and how you should progress with it. Talk about everything from what your room should look like to your finances, setting boundaries for families and friends, having children and so on.
Work for what you want
If you want your relationship to last, it’s up to you to make sure it does. You only get what you work for. Relationships require quite a few things to last. Love unconditionally. Earn each other’s trust. Accept them with all their imperfections. All of these things require compromise. And sometimes you need to make difficult choices as well as sacrifices. But if you feel that your relationship is worth it, you’ll find it in yourself to work for it.
Focus on becoming the kind of person you’d want to be with
Rather than looking for the things you want in another person, maybe the better thing to do is to adopt those things and become a better version of yourself. You will no longer need someone to fill some sort of void. When you feel content on your own, you’ll be able to love them without developing any dependency on them. Because at the end of the day, you would be enough for yourself.
Remember the good times
It’s nice to relive the times you fell for them, or you laughed yourself to tears or the first date and many such memories. They always manage to put a smile on your face. They could smooth things out when you’re going through tough times. They serve as reminders as to what you’re striving for and what more you could have. You’re encouraged to add to this list every time you think of it.
Love and place yourself first, even before them and everyone else follows. Be comfortable with who you are and accept them as they are. Don’t make things more difficult than they have to be. There’s a solution to everything; keep that in mind when faced with any problem. Work together to make your relationship last.
Source: www.gistping.com
Relationship
Tips to improve family relationships
There is nothing like family. The people that are related by blood and marriage are expected to be our closest allies, greatest sources of love and support.
Too often, however, interactions with family are filled with misunderstanding and resentment, bickering and badgering.
Here are some tips to help bring family members closer
Take care of your health if you hope to take care of anyone else. The more demanding of your time your family is, the more you need to fit in exercise. Perhaps you and your family can seek out ways to exercise together.
1. Listen if you expect to be heard. Lack of communication is the loudest complaint in most families. The answer to “Why won’t they listen to me?” may be simply “You’re not listening to them.”
2. Teach emotional choice. Manage your moods by letting all feelings be OK, but not all behaviours. Model behavior that respects and encourages the feelings and rights of others yet make it clear that we have a choice about what to do with what we feel.
3. Teach generosity by receiving as well as giving. Giving and receiving are parts of the same loving continuum. If we don’t give, we find it hard to receive, and if we can’t receive, we don’t really have much to give. This is why selflessness carried to extremes is of little benefits to others.
4. Take responsibility for what you communicate silently. The very young and old are especially sensitive to nonverbal cues. More than our words, tone of voice, posture (body language), and facial expressions convey our feelings. We have to listen to our tone of voice and look at ourselves in pictures and in the mirror to assess our emotional congruency. Loving words coming through clenched teeth don’t feel loving—they feel confusing.
5. Don’t try to solve problems for your loved ones. Caring for your family doesn’t mean taking charge of their problems, giving unsolicited advice, or protecting them from their own emotions. Let them know their own strengths and allow them to ask you for what they need.
6. Make a lasting impression through actions. Your values will be communicated by your actions, no matter what you say. Be an example, not a nag.
7. Acknowledge your errors to everyone, including younger family members. Saying you’re sorry when you hurt someone you love, models humility and emotional integrity. You can demonstrate that no one is perfect, but everyone can learn at any age. Apologising proves you can forgive yourself and makes it easier to forgive others.
8. Discover what each person’s unique needs are. You can’t assume that your grandmother needs the same signs of love as your three-year-old or that either one will have the same needs next year. When in doubt, ask!
9. Be generous in expressing love. Everyone in a family (especially young children) needs the emotional reassurance of loving words, gestures, and looks. Those who demand the least emotional attention may need it most.
Relationship
Building trust in relationships and marriages
Trust is the glue that holds relationships and marriages together. Without it, even the strongest bonds can crumble.
As a couple navigates the ups and downs of life, trust serves as the foundation upon which their love, commitment, and loyalty are built. But what happens when trust is broken?
How can couples work to rebuild and strengthen this essential component of their relationship?
Trust is not just a feeling; it is a choice. It is a decision to be vulnerable, to be open, and to believe in the goodness of your partner. When trust is present, relationships flourish.
Communication becomes easier, conflicts are resolved more efficiently, and intimacy deepens. Trust allows couples to feel secure, to know that they can rely on each other through life’s challenges.
Signs of trust issues
So, how do you know if trust is an issue in your relationship? Look out for these signs:
– Suspicion and jealousy
– Defensiveness and accusations
– Lack of communication or withholding information
– Dishonesty or hiding the truth
– Emotional distance or disconnection
How to build trust
Fortunately, trust can be built and rebuilt. Here are some practical steps couples can take:
1. Communicate openly: Communication is the key to any successful relationship. Be honest, transparent, and open with your partner. Share your thoughts, feelings, and desires in a respectful and empathetic manner.
2. Be reliable: Follow through on your commitments. Show your partner that you are dependable and responsible.
3. Show vulnerability: Be willing to be vulnerable with your partner. Share your fears, hopes, and dreams with them.
4. Practice forgiveness: Let go of grudges and resentments. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning hurtful behavior, but rather releasing the negative emotions associated with it.
5. Cultivate intimacy: Intimacy is not just physical; it’s also emotional. Make time for regular date nights, meaningful conversations, and affectionate gestures.
Rebuilding trust
If trust has been broken, it is essential to work on rebuilding it. This process takes time, effort, and commitment from both partners. Here are some steps to take:
1. Acknowledge the hurt: Recognise the pain caused by the breach of trust. Acknowledge your partner’s feelings and validate their experience.
2. Identify the cause: Understand the reasons behind the breach of trust. Is it a lack of communication, infidelity, or something else? Identifying the root cause can help you address the issue more effectively.
3. Work together: Rebuilding trust requires a joint effort. Work together to establish new patterns of behaviour, communicate openly, and rebuild intimacy.
4. Seek help: If needed, seek the help of a couples therapist or counselor. A professional can provide guidance and support as you work to rebuild trust. Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) can be helpful in that vein.
Building trust in a relationship or marriage takes work, commitment, and patience. It is a journey that requires effort from both partners. By communicating openly, being reliable, showing vulnerability, practicing forgiveness, and cultivating intimacy, couples can strengthen their bond and build a foundation of trust that will last a lifetime. Remember, trust is not something that can be demanded; it is something that must be earned and nurtured. With time, effort, and dedication, couples can build a strong, trusting relationship that brings joy, happiness, and fulfillment to their lives.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “COURTSHIP MATTERS: Keys to a Fulfilling Lasting Marriage” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Lecturer, Published Author, and Marriage Counsellor).
