Relationship
Qualities to look out for in your marriage counsellor –Part 2
A counsellor should be able to provide strong support
Finding the right marriage counsellor can be a daunting task, but it is a crucial step in building a strong, fulfilling relationship. Last week, we discussed the importance of professional qualifications, rapport building, strong communication skills, and an impartial attitude in a marriage counsellor.
However, there are more essential qualities to consider when selecting a counsellor to guide you. In this second part, we will explore additional characteristics which make a marriage counsellor effective, supportive and trustworthy.
5. Firm ethical standards and professionalism
When it comes to matters as delicate as your relationship, among other things, ensure that your marriage counsellor adheres to a strict code of ethics and professional practice.
Ethical standards ensure that the counsellor’s actions and decisions are guided by a strong moral compass, promoting trust, respect, and fairness.
Professionalism goes hand in hand with ethical standards, as it sets the tone for a productive counselling or therapeutic relationship.
Generally, the counsellor should maintain professional boundaries including confidentiality, respecting your privacy and autonomy, and demonstrating integrity in their practice.
Confidentiality simply means that anything you discuss during your sessions will remain confidential unless there is a legal obligation or an imminent risk of harm. Knowing that your personal matters will be kept private allows you and your partner to be open and honest without fear of judgement or breach of trust.
Remember, finding a marriage counsellor with firm ethical standards and professionalism is crucial for your journey towards a happy and fulfilling marriage.
6. Problem-solving skills
Your counsellor should possess effective problem-solving skills required to help you and your partner identify the underlying issues in your relationship, and develop strategies for resolving conflicts and challenges in your relationship.
7. Empathy and compassion
Look for a counsellor who genuinely cares about your well-being and demonstrates empathy and compassion.
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes and truly understand their emotions and experiences. On the other hand, compassion goes hand in hand with empathy.
Whereas empathy enables the counsellor to understand your emotions, compassion takes it a step further by prompting them to act on that understanding with kindness and care.
Compassion is the gentle hand that guides you through difficult conversations, allowing you to face the challenges in your relationship with courage and love. A compassionate marriage counsellor will provide strong support, offering a safe haven for you and your partner to express yourselves freely.
Your marriage counsellor should be able to understand and validate your emotions, providing a supportive space for you to explore your concerns. A professional marriage counsellor will try to understand your perspectives, challenges, and aspirations, ensuring that no voice goes unheard.
When choosing a marriage counsellor, remember empathy and compassion are not just nice-to-have qualities; rather they’re essential pillars that contribute to the success of your counselling journey.
8. Cultural sensitivity
Look for a counsellor who has in-depth understanding about your different cultural backgrounds, and is sensitive enough to help you through your diverse cultural beliefs, practices, relationship dynamics and challenges.
Marriage counsellors who are culturally sensitive take the time to truly understand your individual histories, backgrounds, and values, recognising that these factors shape your perspective on marriage (whether good or bad). They should honour you and your partner’s differences and work with you to find common ground, fostering an environment of inclusivity and acceptance.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist). https://counselorprinceass.wixsite.com/edu-counseling-psych
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website
COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC)
Relationship
Tips to improve family relationships
There is nothing like family. The people that are related by blood and marriage are expected to be our closest allies, greatest sources of love and support.
Too often, however, interactions with family are filled with misunderstanding and resentment, bickering and badgering.
Here are some tips to help bring family members closer
Take care of your health if you hope to take care of anyone else. The more demanding of your time your family is, the more you need to fit in exercise. Perhaps you and your family can seek out ways to exercise together.
1. Listen if you expect to be heard. Lack of communication is the loudest complaint in most families. The answer to “Why won’t they listen to me?” may be simply “You’re not listening to them.”
2. Teach emotional choice. Manage your moods by letting all feelings be OK, but not all behaviours. Model behavior that respects and encourages the feelings and rights of others yet make it clear that we have a choice about what to do with what we feel.
3. Teach generosity by receiving as well as giving. Giving and receiving are parts of the same loving continuum. If we don’t give, we find it hard to receive, and if we can’t receive, we don’t really have much to give. This is why selflessness carried to extremes is of little benefits to others.
4. Take responsibility for what you communicate silently. The very young and old are especially sensitive to nonverbal cues. More than our words, tone of voice, posture (body language), and facial expressions convey our feelings. We have to listen to our tone of voice and look at ourselves in pictures and in the mirror to assess our emotional congruency. Loving words coming through clenched teeth don’t feel loving—they feel confusing.
5. Don’t try to solve problems for your loved ones. Caring for your family doesn’t mean taking charge of their problems, giving unsolicited advice, or protecting them from their own emotions. Let them know their own strengths and allow them to ask you for what they need.
6. Make a lasting impression through actions. Your values will be communicated by your actions, no matter what you say. Be an example, not a nag.
7. Acknowledge your errors to everyone, including younger family members. Saying you’re sorry when you hurt someone you love, models humility and emotional integrity. You can demonstrate that no one is perfect, but everyone can learn at any age. Apologising proves you can forgive yourself and makes it easier to forgive others.
8. Discover what each person’s unique needs are. You can’t assume that your grandmother needs the same signs of love as your three-year-old or that either one will have the same needs next year. When in doubt, ask!
9. Be generous in expressing love. Everyone in a family (especially young children) needs the emotional reassurance of loving words, gestures, and looks. Those who demand the least emotional attention may need it most.
Relationship
Building trust in relationships and marriages
Trust is the glue that holds relationships and marriages together. Without it, even the strongest bonds can crumble.
As a couple navigates the ups and downs of life, trust serves as the foundation upon which their love, commitment, and loyalty are built. But what happens when trust is broken?
How can couples work to rebuild and strengthen this essential component of their relationship?
Trust is not just a feeling; it is a choice. It is a decision to be vulnerable, to be open, and to believe in the goodness of your partner. When trust is present, relationships flourish.
Communication becomes easier, conflicts are resolved more efficiently, and intimacy deepens. Trust allows couples to feel secure, to know that they can rely on each other through life’s challenges.
Signs of trust issues
So, how do you know if trust is an issue in your relationship? Look out for these signs:
– Suspicion and jealousy
– Defensiveness and accusations
– Lack of communication or withholding information
– Dishonesty or hiding the truth
– Emotional distance or disconnection
How to build trust
Fortunately, trust can be built and rebuilt. Here are some practical steps couples can take:
1. Communicate openly: Communication is the key to any successful relationship. Be honest, transparent, and open with your partner. Share your thoughts, feelings, and desires in a respectful and empathetic manner.
2. Be reliable: Follow through on your commitments. Show your partner that you are dependable and responsible.
3. Show vulnerability: Be willing to be vulnerable with your partner. Share your fears, hopes, and dreams with them.
4. Practice forgiveness: Let go of grudges and resentments. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning hurtful behavior, but rather releasing the negative emotions associated with it.
5. Cultivate intimacy: Intimacy is not just physical; it’s also emotional. Make time for regular date nights, meaningful conversations, and affectionate gestures.
Rebuilding trust
If trust has been broken, it is essential to work on rebuilding it. This process takes time, effort, and commitment from both partners. Here are some steps to take:
1. Acknowledge the hurt: Recognise the pain caused by the breach of trust. Acknowledge your partner’s feelings and validate their experience.
2. Identify the cause: Understand the reasons behind the breach of trust. Is it a lack of communication, infidelity, or something else? Identifying the root cause can help you address the issue more effectively.
3. Work together: Rebuilding trust requires a joint effort. Work together to establish new patterns of behaviour, communicate openly, and rebuild intimacy.
4. Seek help: If needed, seek the help of a couples therapist or counselor. A professional can provide guidance and support as you work to rebuild trust. Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) can be helpful in that vein.
Building trust in a relationship or marriage takes work, commitment, and patience. It is a journey that requires effort from both partners. By communicating openly, being reliable, showing vulnerability, practicing forgiveness, and cultivating intimacy, couples can strengthen their bond and build a foundation of trust that will last a lifetime. Remember, trust is not something that can be demanded; it is something that must be earned and nurtured. With time, effort, and dedication, couples can build a strong, trusting relationship that brings joy, happiness, and fulfillment to their lives.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “COURTSHIP MATTERS: Keys to a Fulfilling Lasting Marriage” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Lecturer, Published Author, and Marriage Counsellor).
