Obaa Yaa
Poverty is preventing me from marrying
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was in two serious relationships, we loved each other and had wanted to marry but this could not go on as we had planned.
Though l was disturbed when l broke up with the lady in my first relationship, l felt very bad when the second one also ended abruptly.
But l must be quick to point out that my inability to support the two ladies caused the break up in the two relationships.
I made the necessary efforts to get a job in order to improve on my economic fortunes but things could not work out well.
Unfortunately, other men who were ready to marry succeeded in snatching the ladies from me. The situation has left me under pressure and has given me a lot to think about.
The second lady said she loved me but my inability to secure a job caused her to accept the proposal from the other man. She confided in me that she still loved me despite all that had happened between us.
According to her she had to accept the proposal from the husband because of too much pressure mounted on her by her parents.
Given the opportunity to make her decision, she would accept to marry me but was afraid of what her parents would say.
What should l do?
Tawiah, Accra
Dear Tawiah,
I find your letter quite disturbing because of the series of disappointments you have had so far.
It is good to be forthright in this matter and you must be commended for identifying the cause of ypour problem.
Though you are making frantic efforts to secure a job in order to stop the recurrent problem of unsuccessful marriages, it is believed that you have the prerequisite qualification and luck will surely shine on you one day.
Having accepted to marry that man should be enough to sever relations with your former girlfriend who can easily find trouble for you.
My dad has threatened not to attend my wedding; instead, he has been raining curses on me.
Each morning and night, he would call and rain curses on me, telling me I was bringing shame and bad luck to my marriage because I told him, my step father will be present.
I have personally been to his house to invite him, yet he keeps telling me he can’t make it. What should I do?
Kwesi,
Suhum
Dear Kwesi,
Your dad’s curses, guilt, and threats come from his pain and fear of losing his role, but that doesn’t make his behaviour idle.
You can love him as your father and still set a firm boundary for him.
If he crosses that line, end the call or stop replying his messages. Protect your wedding and your peace by limiting contact, especially late at night and early morning, and stand by your partner.
Remember, respecting your dad doesn’t mean erasing the role your stepdad played – both can matter without problems.
Don’t let his behaviour dictate the start of your marriage. You can’t control if he comes around, but you can control not letting his anger affect your emotions.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Before we got married five years ago, my husband told me that his former wife left him shortly after he lost his job following a financial scandal which rocked the company.
But thanks be to God that the court cleared him and ordered the company to pay him for the five years he stayed at home for wrongful dismissal.
As soon as this ex-wife heard that the company had complied with the court’s orders and paid him, she shamelessly declared that she was making a comeback and has vowed to kick me out of my matrimonial home at all cost.
She promised to hire ‘machomen’ to throw my things out of the house and was prepared to bear the consequence for that action.
Even though my husband has assured me that this would never happen, her ex is bent on disturbing my peace.
What should I do?
Adzo,
Tafo.
Dear Bertha,
The lady is threatening to use violence against you. That’s constitutes a breach of the law and she must be reported to the police for issuing those threats.
However, I will advise you to discuss it with your husband so that you are not seen as acting entirely on your own.
As a matter of fact, it is only the police that can handle this matter professionally and must be involved, unless of course your husband talks to his ex-wife to stop harassing you. So have a good discussion with your husband about the matter. All the best.
