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Political gimmicking in Sikaman

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• In any political contest, the incumbent naturally stands a better chance of winning
• In any political contest, the incumbent naturally stands a better chance of winning

The political temperature is rising slowly and political aspirants are busy palpitating and getting hypertensive. Some are already having running stomachs; Jesus Christ! The problem with politics is that it is hard­ly good for radiant health. The stress can be unbearable.

The run-up to the December polls is seeing quite interesting happenings and it is common to see a politician in a new pair of shoes and a new coat, most likely procured from the first-se­lection base at Kantamanto. A good ironing is all he needs to pretend it is imported from France.

Sikaman Palava
Sikaman Palava

Others are not too fussy about coats. Instead, they are making sure that they spot the latest haircut to match a lively moustache. The ladies are not being left out. Check out the hairdos, the manicure and pedicure. And when they walk, they do so with measured political steps.

Indeed, with some of the women, it can be an exercise aimed at defying the laws of gravity. They can actually suspend themselves above sea level soon after they start strutting along with the majesty of a peacock.

Politics and democratic politicking have brought about style in human ambulation and pomposity in common mobility. So be it!

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APPETITE

But behind all the flamboyance and masquerade is the fear of the uncertain, which is a factor that is easily identified as the cause of those who have lost appetite for food lately and are suffering a rise in their blood pressures. But they needn’t worry. Politics is only a game.

From now till December, doctors do not need laboratory tests to make a prognosis or diagnosis of disease, if the patient is a politician. The man has spent almost half-a-billion cedis to become a parliamentarian and if he doesn’t win, he is likely to hang him­self. So he certainly must be suffering from acute hypertension. If the doctor is a seer he can also prophesy stroke if the polls go against the patient.

So the patient must be advised to cool down. Instead of fretting, he should rather fast and pray and hope that God listens to prayers, especially the prayers of politicians.

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There are, however, some catego­ries of politicians who really do not care whether they lose or not. They are the current parliamentarians who have complained of late about their pay. They cannot even pay their car loans. And the grandeur with which parliamentary position goes has ap­parently not manifested in their case.

All that parliamentary position has brought them is the obligation they have to fulfil in paying the school fees of people they don’t even like and attending funerals of people who have once offended them, but which they must attend and donate cash for the sake of their political longevity.

Now the political landscape is reg­istering the activity of carpet crossers and defectors who are first looking carefully at their stomachs in order to evaluate whether or not it is worth turning coat.

No doubt, the stomach has be­come a political organ of the human body and has long since stopped being an anatomical component, es­pecially when elections are due.

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But it isn’t everybody who defects because of bread and butter. Some defect because they feel they are in the wrong ideological camp or can no longer be pleasant bedfellows with their long-time compatriots. Others think old foes can now reason with them better.

CARPET

By far, the most likely reason why anyone can have to cross car­pets, is the hope of clinching a post if the other party wins. But that will depend on whether the party indeed wins, if you ask Inusah, he can describe the feeling. It is a risk that needs to be taken with a lion’s heart; it can turn out to be a tragic experience, a disastrous decision of a life-time.

Defectors are actively announcing their new plans and hoping they are on the right track.

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But it is always good to consult people like Inusah before making the open declarations. It can shatter your entire political future! At any rate, defections are part of democratic politicking and people are always welcomed from other side even if they look like spies.

Now, the good thing about the 2004 elections is that many dance styles are emerging. I hear they are being choreographed to suit the pre-and-election 2004 periods

The ‘Kufuor Dance’ is one, a slow but funky variation that should precede the voting. The Elephant Dance’ is a more vigorous boogie that needs four solid balls of kenkey to execute. It is a powerful dance form that should feature as an NPP victory dance.

BELLY DANCE

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The Mills Highlife Dance is an ‘asomdwe’ pre-election choreogra­phy that should cool down tension before voting. But it is the Rawlings Belly Dance’ that will be the victory boogie, a very creative form of the popular belly dance that involves the gyration of the waist interspersed with staccato steps and gimmicks.

Certainly, these dance forms will be premiered at rallies, so that supporters can rehearse them before voting.

The race itself looks like a straight-forward one between NPP and NDC. As for CPP and the Grand Coalition, we can only wish them well.

In any political contest, the incumbent naturally stands a bet­ter chance of winning, but nothing is very certain till all the votes are counted. The party that wins will have a very grand Christmas

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What ‘Sikaman Palava’ wish for all is a fair contest and a peace after­math.

Everybody is calling peace, be­cause it is the dear thing to lose. And peace cannot prevail when we watch the tongue. For the tongue is more power than petrol and a lighted match put together.

This article was first published on October 30, 2004

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Female bodies for sale

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A man and a woman walking together

It is still the contention of my uncle, Kofi Jogolo, that the moment God created woman, He created a big problem for man. If not, why would man always have to trim his moustache in such a way as to please woman and not himself? And why would a man’s holy organ keep nodding like an agama lizard just because there is a creation called woman?

Sikaman Palava
Sikaman Palava

Sir Kofi Jogolo whose moustache deserves both a national award and mention in the Guinness Book of Records for its stylish variations, told me recently that when you marry, you have palaver; if you don’t marry, you have wahala. All because of woman. I think the bloke is a reincarnation of Paul. Only he looks like Peter.

For those who do not marry, they may be free of marital problems, but might be in sexual bondage, because at dawn, a certain part of the body might nod in distress. It is a wonderful part of the human body that smiles with joy when a woman is lying within arm’s length.

The unmarried may not have to wait until dawn, though. After all, who says you can satisfy a sexual need only at dawn? If there is no girlfriend, there is still a way out. FEMALE BODIES FOR SALE! You only have to ask, “How much?” Sometimes it is worth the price of only two balls of kenkey.

It is for this reason that some people do not discourage women from practising prostitution because they claim the women play a vital role in national development. According to them, first, the nation cannot develop when the citizens are sex-starved. Second, they claim prostitution keeps down figures of rape cases since it is due to the scarcity of female bodies that the incidence of rape is rising.

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Well, some people really adore prostitutes. With them you don’t have to worry about pregnancy. Moreover, you can skip foreplay which many people don’t have the patience for because of their high sexual temperature, or because they consider it a waste of time. And when you pay well, you can enjoy the style you want.

In actual fact, some married men also go in for prostitutes once in a while. They claim that prostitutes do not complain in bed like their wives. When you ask them to raise a leg, they comply without argument.

They also say prostitutes who are experienced can really work on certain parts of your body enough to make you blaspheme. Holy Jesus! The difference is clear then that with prostitutes you pay for the service but with wives it is for free, meaning that the quality of service must differ accordingly.

Many men also say they prefer prostitutes to girlfriends because of “back-pocket palaver”. It is their contention that with girlfriends you have to specialise in telling lies about your credit worthiness especially when you’re not only a human being but also a church mouse.

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Sometimes you have to buy beer and gin because some girlfriends would not like to have sex unless they are properly soaked in booze. You also have to sing them lullabies and recite poetry to turn them on. Ask Devine Ankamah. That’s not all. When all is finished, you have to dish transport money, and if you’re not lucky she’d ask you to settle a “carry forward” you had planned to dodge.

So for just two probably lousy rounds of enjoyment, you’d spend some ¢15,000 if hotel services are included, unless you choose a hotel room where cockroaches and rats don’t practise family planning.

There are those who believe that with prostitutes, you don’t have to tell lies. It is purely business. No credit, no debit. Money na hand back na ground. When you are through and refuse to pay, she’ll cause a scene, scratch your face red and drag your butt onto the street. Next time you don’t have money, you stick to your wife or girlfriend or to your sorrows.

Prostitution in Sikaman is widespread. News reaching Palava have it that in the Obuasi area, it is the major occupation of females. They are in lucrative business. They come from all over the country -Bolga, Tamale, Kumasi, Sunyani, Accra, Odumase, wherever. A few are said to have come from Lagos in full gear.

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When they all come, they sometimes don’t do so with only their bodies and luggage. They also carry with them something small in the form of a disease called AIDS which they distribute free of charge.

So why Obuasi? Gold! The great successes of Ashanti Goldfields combined with the notoriety and boom of galamsey activities have acted as a magnet, drawing in those who peddle their bodies for cash. No cheques!

Sometime back, it was reported that AIDS cases in the Obuasi area had soared. The reason, prostitution. Obuasi prostitutes are, however, of class. They dress to kill. Some speak even more languages, so if you’re a client and you speak even in tongues, they understand. And they drink beer exactly like Germans.

So what really are we doing about these prostitutes who, some say are contributing to national development and others say are enhancing national obituary?

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Sikaman Palava has said it once that the law enforcement agencies have tried time and again to rid them off the streets. They have always failed in doing so. The problem is that they are as slippery as the cockroach. When harassed, they disappear and practise all the same. If caught, they are fined and the next day they are firmly at post.

Some people say because we can’t get rid of them, we must neither encourage nor discourage them. We must find a way of organising them into co-operatives under the name of “SPECIAL HUMAN SERVICES.”

They’d undergo medical screening and those with AIDS banned from practising. The rest would undergo a course in the cause, prevention and cure of sexually-transmitted diseases, personal hygiene, condom use and the healthful ways of practising prostitution.

Then they can be let loose to practise under laid-down rules and regulations and their income taxed.

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That way, the prostitutes would be more beneficial to society and would not be the problem we see them to be.

 This article was first published on Saturday June 29, 1996

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The right mindset is everything

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This year June and part of July, is an enjoyable season for football lovers due to the World Cup which is held every four years.  The World Cup is such a huge event and also very prestigious so it is highly competitive. 

Countries registered with the Federation of International Football Association, (FIFA) become automatic members.  FIFA organises tournaments on the five continents of the world, to enable countries to be selected to play in the World Cup competition. 

Governments support their national teams to ensure qualification to the World Cup due to the prestigious nature of the tournament.  Certain countries even go to the extent of renting a place of their choice, instead of the accommodation provided by FIFA, to ensure that they win the ultimate crown, as Germany did in the 2014 tournament in Brazil. 

Mental strength a requisite for emerging victorious in football matches at such high professional level and everything must be done to endure that players are focused on the matches ahead of them.

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There is however, a peculiar situation in this year’s World Cup, where it is being hosted by three countries namely the United States of America, Mexico and Canada and where one of the host countries, is at war with one of the competing countries. 

The United States of America, is waging a war against Iran.  The US has prevented Iran from staying in the US where they were originally scheduled by FIFA to play their matches.  The US using its power as the host country, has refused to let Iran to stay and FIFA has provided a place in Mexico for the Iranian team to stay.  They have to spend about five hours to fly to the US and prepare to get ready for their matches, each match day. 

They are also forced to leave the US as soon as they finish playing their matches, without resting.  Despite this inhumane treatment being forced on them by the USA, the Iranian team is mentally strong and have managed to draw their two matches played.  

This is a clear manifestation of mental toughness, resulting from having the right mindset.

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Life has a way of often dealing bad cards to a lot of people but it is important that when it happens like that, you look at what you can do with what you have, to still achieve the goals you have set for yourself.

 There is a saying that when life throws you a lemon you make lemonade out of it.  The barriers confronting you might be great, but it is the attitude you display that makes the difference. 

The Iranians have really shown that the right mindset is indeed everything you need to be successful.  They looked at their situation and assessed what was not going in their favour and found appropriate steps to address it. 

Given the teams Iran was to play, the challenge was indeed huge, given the circumstances they found themselves in, but the right mindset to never give up, did the trick for them.

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As human beings, we are always confronted with challenges, right from the day we start to crawl, the day we take our first steps and as we continue to grow into adulthood.  Challenges are part of our daily lives and we must therefore condition our minds, that we shall encounter them and so must constantly be innovative in overcoming them, when we encounter them. 

We need as a country, to develop a critical thinking skill capabilities in our youth, as an investment in the future fortunes of this country.  Developing the right mindset, will enable us overcome every challenge.  God bless.

By Laud Kissi-Mensah

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