Obaa Yaa
My husband wants to take a second wife
Dear Obaa Yaa,
My husband and I have been living together for four years now. We have everything one needs to live a comfortable life.
The love we shared was envied by lots of people including our close friends.
My only problem with the marriage is that within the four years of our marriage I haven’t been able to give my husband a child.
Initially, my husband was okay with me not being able to give him any child since we got married.
However, the continuous pressure from my husband’s family has become unbearable hence my husband is forced to do what his family members are requesting him to do.
My husband is forced to take a second wife who will be able to bear him a child or children.
I have no option than to allow him get a second wife.
However, I am confused as to whether what I’m about to do is the right way to go about the situation.
Please tell me, what should I do?
Faustina Kaneshie.
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Dear Faustina,
I’m sorry about the situation you are going through and it’s my deepest regret that this is happening to you.
First of all, children are gifts from God and therefore not from man. Man is only the passage way for the gifts of God to be seen physically and that is children. Be more prayerful and trust God to see you through these difficult times.
Don’t allow your husband to bring or marry a second wife. Marrying a second wife will still not solve your problem. Tell him that you are not happy about the idea of him marrying another woman.
Remind him of the promise he made to you through the exchange of vows that he wasn’t going to leave you through difficult times. This issue is an example of one of the difficult times therefore both of you should be backing it up with prayers and you would sail through.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have been married for six years and we have two children together but before I met my husband, he was married to another woman and they had a son.
Their marriage ended after several misunderstanding and she relocated to another region.
Over the years, I accepted his son as my own and never stopped him from supporting the child. In fact, I encouraged him to be present in his son’s life.
Three months ago, his ex-wife lost her job and was evicted from her apartment. Since then, she has been struggling financially.
Just last week, he informed me that he wanted to bring her in our matrimonial home temporary so she could get back on her feet and be closer to their son.
My husband insist there is nothing romantic between both of them; rather he is only trying to help the mother of his child.
I am uncomfortable because I feel bringing her home may ruin my marriage.
Adwoa Comfort, Kumasi.
Dear Comfort,
You are not wrong for refusing to let your husband’s ex-wife move into your home. Your discomfort is valid because the matrimonial home is your sanctuary, and such ‘temporary’ arrangements often lack clear end dates, and create emotional triangles that strain the marriage and kids.
Boundaries protect marriages, and ‘help’ doesn’t have to mean moving her in. While your husband’s desire to help the mother of his child is understandable, calling you ‘selfish and heartless’ for having boundaries is manipulation.
He’s presenting a false choice between moving her in or abandoning her, when other options exist.
He can help her by paying for a short-term housing, helping with job applications, or increasing child support temporarily.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 40- year-old banker working in a reputable organisation. My wife is a house wife, yet she is engaged in online business.
My wife has left the marriage on three occasion in less than a year of our marriage. The first time she left the marriage was at the bathroom which she accused me of restricting the way she bathed.
She went ahead to remind me that she had a bigger bathroom in her parents’ house.
The second time, she left because I held her lips because she was screaming. I wanted her to be quiet. She went in, packed a few things and went to her mom to complain about near-abuse.
When I went to her house to plead with her to come back, you should have seen the drama.
Yoofi, Takoradi.
Dear Yoofi,
I understand how exhausted and confused you must be, three separations in just a year is not something you should be happy about.
The bathroom incident points to possible controlling behaviour over, but the bigger issue is when you held her lips. That’s a physical abuse, regardless of the provocation. Putting hands on a spouse to silence them, crosses a line and can bring trouble. The cycle of conflict, her leaving, and you pleading to get her back is an unstable loop.
You should stop pleading at her mother’s house; consult a lawyer to understand your legal risk, and get individual counselling to address the situation.
