Obaa Yaa
Married man provides for my needs
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a third- year student in a tertiary institution and deeply in love with a married man.
This man loves me and has told me he would like to marry me since his marriage is on the verge of collapse.
According to him, there have been repeated misunderstandings between him and his wife so they have agreed to separate for some months to see if conditions will improve.
For the past two years, this man has been disturbing me that he would marry me at all cost.
He kept showering gifts on me and l could not help but succumb to his sexual demands.
When l became pregnant, he impressed on me to abort it because he had not yet severed relations with his wife.
In fact l felt cheated and betrayed to hear this from him.
Despite showering gifts on me l am planning quitting this relationship because l can envisage a bleak future. Can you advise me on the right step to take?
Victoria, Accra.
Dear Victoria,
There are many marriages which are not doing well yet the couples are still staying together. This is to say that there is no successful marriage on earth and it is not easy breaking up marriages despite the difficulties.
Your lover is taking advantage of you and the earlier you break up with him the better it will serve your interest.
His insistence that you should abort the pregnancy should ring a bell in your ears that you have no future so long as you follow this married man.
Why don’t you work hard to become independent and forget about this man who can easily patch up with the wife and things will be normal once again.
Forget the gifts he is showering on you and do not waste your precious time on him.
Concentrate on your studies to complete your programme after which you will get a partner of your choice.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
