Obaa Yaa
This girl is tempting me
Dear Obaa Yaa,
A former girlfriend of a close friend of mine has started making overtures at me. She did not make her intention known to me initially, but said that she would like to prepare meals for me.
With time, her intention became obvious that she would like me to become her boyfriend since my friend had abandoned her for another lady.
“I see you as a nice young man who will be a good husband. Since your friend has decided to abandon me for another lady, l think you are the best person who can take good care of me,” she said.
I was touched by the way she spoke and l paused to think critically about her request. I quickly came to conclusion that this request would not be granted for the underlying reason that she was the ex-girl friend of my best friend.
Secondly, l thought it wise to discuss this issue with my friend who gave me the green light that since there was nothing more than mere friendship that had existed between them, l could go along to marry her and he was ready to support me.
However, having thought about this critically, l have concluded that it would not be prudent on my part to marry this girl, though she has the qualities any man will look for.
Kofi, Accra.
Dear Kofi,
Your letter is interesting and quite enticing, especially the type which is capable of drawing friends into trouble, leaving them permanent enemies.
I wish to commend you for the steps you have taken so far as this matter is concerned. It is good to consider many factors, reason well, look into the future before one decides the type of action to take.
This lady could possess all the qualities under the sun but for the mere fact that she was the former girl friend of your friend automatically disqualifies her.
Your friend would have been angry with you if you had married this lady. Though there was no intimacy between them, it would not have changed matters, especially if his marriage did not work out to his expectation.
My dad has threatened not to attend my wedding; instead, he has been raining curses on me.
Each morning and night, he would call and rain curses on me, telling me I was bringing shame and bad luck to my marriage because I told him, my step father will be present.
I have personally been to his house to invite him, yet he keeps telling me he can’t make it. What should I do?
Kwesi,
Suhum
Dear Kwesi,
Your dad’s curses, guilt, and threats come from his pain and fear of losing his role, but that doesn’t make his behaviour idle.
You can love him as your father and still set a firm boundary for him.
If he crosses that line, end the call or stop replying his messages. Protect your wedding and your peace by limiting contact, especially late at night and early morning, and stand by your partner.
Remember, respecting your dad doesn’t mean erasing the role your stepdad played – both can matter without problems.
Don’t let his behaviour dictate the start of your marriage. You can’t control if he comes around, but you can control not letting his anger affect your emotions.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Before we got married five years ago, my husband told me that his former wife left him shortly after he lost his job following a financial scandal which rocked the company.
But thanks be to God that the court cleared him and ordered the company to pay him for the five years he stayed at home for wrongful dismissal.
As soon as this ex-wife heard that the company had complied with the court’s orders and paid him, she shamelessly declared that she was making a comeback and has vowed to kick me out of my matrimonial home at all cost.
She promised to hire ‘machomen’ to throw my things out of the house and was prepared to bear the consequence for that action.
Even though my husband has assured me that this would never happen, her ex is bent on disturbing my peace.
What should I do?
Adzo,
Tafo.
Dear Bertha,
The lady is threatening to use violence against you. That’s constitutes a breach of the law and she must be reported to the police for issuing those threats.
However, I will advise you to discuss it with your husband so that you are not seen as acting entirely on your own.
As a matter of fact, it is only the police that can handle this matter professionally and must be involved, unless of course your husband talks to his ex-wife to stop harassing you. So have a good discussion with your husband about the matter. All the best.
