Obaa Yaa
This girl is tempting me
Dear Obaa Yaa,
A former girlfriend of a close friend of mine has started making overtures at me. She did not make her intention known to me initially, but said that she would like to prepare meals for me.
With time, her intention became obvious that she would like me to become her boyfriend since my friend had abandoned her for another lady.
“I see you as a nice young man who will be a good husband. Since your friend has decided to abandon me for another lady, l think you are the best person who can take good care of me,” she said.
I was touched by the way she spoke and l paused to think critically about her request. I quickly came to conclusion that this request would not be granted for the underlying reason that she was the ex-girl friend of my best friend.
Secondly, l thought it wise to discuss this issue with my friend who gave me the green light that since there was nothing more than mere friendship that had existed between them, l could go along to marry her and he was ready to support me.
However, having thought about this critically, l have concluded that it would not be prudent on my part to marry this girl, though she has the qualities any man will look for.
Kofi, Accra.
Dear Kofi,
Your letter is interesting and quite enticing, especially the type which is capable of drawing friends into trouble, leaving them permanent enemies.
I wish to commend you for the steps you have taken so far as this matter is concerned. It is good to consider many factors, reason well, look into the future before one decides the type of action to take.
This lady could possess all the qualities under the sun but for the mere fact that she was the former girl friend of your friend automatically disqualifies her.
Your friend would have been angry with you if you had married this lady. Though there was no intimacy between them, it would not have changed matters, especially if his marriage did not work out to his expectation.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
