Obaa Yaa
This girl is tempting me
Dear Obaa Yaa,
A former girlfriend of a close friend of mine has started making overtures at me. She did not make her intention known to me initially, but said that she would like to prepare meals for me.
With time, her intention became obvious that she would like me to become her boyfriend since my friend had abandoned her for another lady.
“I see you as a nice young man who will be a good husband. Since your friend has decided to abandon me for another lady, l think you are the best person who can take good care of me,” she said.
I was touched by the way she spoke and l paused to think critically about her request. I quickly came to conclusion that this request would not be granted for the underlying reason that she was the ex-girl friend of my best friend.
Secondly, l thought it wise to discuss this issue with my friend who gave me the green light that since there was nothing more than mere friendship that had existed between them, l could go along to marry her and he was ready to support me.
However, having thought about this critically, l have concluded that it would not be prudent on my part to marry this girl, though she has the qualities any man will look for.
Kofi, Accra.
Dear Kofi,
Your letter is interesting and quite enticing, especially the type which is capable of drawing friends into trouble, leaving them permanent enemies.
I wish to commend you for the steps you have taken so far as this matter is concerned. It is good to consider many factors, reason well, look into the future before one decides the type of action to take.
This lady could possess all the qualities under the sun but for the mere fact that she was the former girl friend of your friend automatically disqualifies her.
Your friend would have been angry with you if you had married this lady. Though there was no intimacy between them, it would not have changed matters, especially if his marriage did not work out to his expectation.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have been married for six years and we have two children together but before I met my husband, he was married to another woman and they had a son.
Their marriage ended after several misunderstanding and she relocated to another region.
Over the years, I accepted his son as my own and never stopped him from supporting the child. In fact, I encouraged him to be present in his son’s life.
Three months ago, his ex-wife lost her job and was evicted from her apartment. Since then, she has been struggling financially.
Just last week, he informed me that he wanted to bring her in our matrimonial home temporary so she could get back on her feet and be closer to their son.
My husband insist there is nothing romantic between both of them; rather he is only trying to help the mother of his child.
I am uncomfortable because I feel bringing her home may ruin my marriage.
Adwoa Comfort, Kumasi.
Dear Comfort,
You are not wrong for refusing to let your husband’s ex-wife move into your home. Your discomfort is valid because the matrimonial home is your sanctuary, and such ‘temporary’ arrangements often lack clear end dates, and create emotional triangles that strain the marriage and kids.
Boundaries protect marriages, and ‘help’ doesn’t have to mean moving her in. While your husband’s desire to help the mother of his child is understandable, calling you ‘selfish and heartless’ for having boundaries is manipulation.
He’s presenting a false choice between moving her in or abandoning her, when other options exist.
He can help her by paying for a short-term housing, helping with job applications, or increasing child support temporarily.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 40- year-old banker working in a reputable organisation. My wife is a house wife, yet she is engaged in online business.
My wife has left the marriage on three occasion in less than a year of our marriage. The first time she left the marriage was at the bathroom which she accused me of restricting the way she bathed.
She went ahead to remind me that she had a bigger bathroom in her parents’ house.
The second time, she left because I held her lips because she was screaming. I wanted her to be quiet. She went in, packed a few things and went to her mom to complain about near-abuse.
When I went to her house to plead with her to come back, you should have seen the drama.
Yoofi, Takoradi.
Dear Yoofi,
I understand how exhausted and confused you must be, three separations in just a year is not something you should be happy about.
The bathroom incident points to possible controlling behaviour over, but the bigger issue is when you held her lips. That’s a physical abuse, regardless of the provocation. Putting hands on a spouse to silence them, crosses a line and can bring trouble. The cycle of conflict, her leaving, and you pleading to get her back is an unstable loop.
You should stop pleading at her mother’s house; consult a lawyer to understand your legal risk, and get individual counselling to address the situation.
