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INFERTILITY STIGMA, A SILENT KILLER

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August 29, 2015 was a joyous day for me, I happily got married. Yes! It was my wedding day with all the glitz, fun and merry. During the ceremony a prayer was said for me for the fruit of the womb.

When it was time for the picture session, a woman whispered to me and said, “Agnes, you are not done yet, make sure a year by now, we attend your baby christening, do you hear me,”

At least this woman should allow me to enjoy the moment of the ceremony without any interference.

So right from the church auditorium pressure started to mount on me. Fast forward, after a year, no sign of pregnancy.

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Almost all my friends who got married in 2015 had their babies christening the following year. This reminded me of what the lady whispered on my wedding day. During a church revival, the pastor called women who were married but had no children to approach him for divine intervention.

 As a believer I hurriedly got up, there were other women who joined me because they had similar issue (infertile). The man of God prayed for us. My husband and I later decided to seek medical help which we did.

To my surprise in 2017 January I discovered I was pregnant! Oh My God! No words could describe how happy my husband and I were. Because this was a sign of relief from all the hustles and difficulty in explaining to people who kept on asking me, when I was going to have children.

There were those who told me I was aging, therefore needed to give birth and others who advised me to consult a herbalist or a prophet who could fast track things in helping me to conceive.

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 In my first trimester, I lost the pregnancy, a scan at a hospital showed that I had lost the pregnancy. My world came crushing down, how do I face and answer these people who have been asking me all sort of questions.

In that same year, I lost another pregnancy and I would never forget the anguish.

One afternoon as I went to the canteen for lunch a colleague at office drew a chair and sat beside me. She murmured “Agnes what are you doing, its been some years since you got married, are you not ready to conceive?”.

This colleague did not consider the fact that we were in a public place, therefore someone could hear what she asked. I lost appetite, I just gave her a smile ,got up and left the scene.

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At a point in my life, I lost interest in attending social gatherings just to avoid being questioned. Yes! I was tired of being reminded I need to have my own babies. Fed-up of being directed to see herbalists. Tired of being prayed for during church revivals. I kept questioning myself whether being a woman is a mistake, or a crime.

Last year which was my fourth wedding anniversary marked the turning point in my life. I  was finally blessed with a bouncy baby girl. On January 18, 2020 at a family gathering, I was told to have a second child, meanwhile my daughter is only 7 months old. Another pressure has set in, but I would not allow anyone to frustrate me. At my own pace I would decide when the next child would arrive.  Say no to infertility stigma now.

It sad to note that most couple especially women are under pressure due such problem in marriage which has resulted in many breakdown of marriages.

Have individuals, society and the world at large thought about how such women feel whenever they are questioned or ridiculed on their infertility status?

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My husband stood by me and advised that I pay no attention to such people during such trying times. Society has forgotten that “It takes Two to Tango” therefore it is not the sole responsibility of a woman to get pregnant.

Speaking to Dr Hope Quashie Mensah, Gynecologist at the 37 Military Hospital advised women facing infertility not to resort to herbal medicine but to see a doctor for investigation, adding that infertility could be treated.

According to him, some women resort to herbal concoction which leads to serious health implication and end up damaging their kidneys just because they want children and their peace of mind.

“You do not have to kill yourself because you think you cannot have children, there is hope in every situation, do not accept the pressure from society but keep on seeing your health professionals and with God all things are possible,” he said

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In our Africansociety we have attached too much importance on children in marriage that, every couple is expected to have children by all means. But elsewhere, people marry and they decide whether to have children or not.

 Here, normally the pressure from in-laws is usually mounted on the womanas it mostly assumed that it’s the sole responsibility of the woman to produce children.

When people marry within the first three months with continuoussexual intercourse then couples should be able to expect their first child that is if there is no reproductive health problem with any of them.

Dr Mensah said, research indicates that 60 per cent of infertility cases are due to male infertility and not only women were the cause, “In fact it is never so, we have noticed that most of the infertility issues are men factors, up to 60 per cent men,”

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Being a victim of infertility stigma I think it is time the world take up the challenge, break infertility stigma and help couples who are struggling with infertility issues.

Training programs on infertility should be championed by leaders in the society to educate members especially men, that infertility issues are not only women related. Also to encourage women not to accept the fact that they could not conceive but boldly say no to infertility stigma that has become a canker.

As women, let us support our fellow women who might be going through infertility issues, because most of the infertility stigma are perpetuated by women. Women ridicule their own sisters, aunties, sister in laws for not being able to conceive.

Religious leaders should also know that not all infertility cases are spiritual, therefore the need to advise infertile couples to seek medical attention. Husbands should not join others to ridicule their wives but rather support them to overcome the situation. Family members should all support the call against infertility stigma. Couples with such issues should seek early medical treatment or advice. Government should also roll outprogrammes and interventions that would educate and deal with infertility related issues particularly in reducing the high cost of treatment.

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Media organisations should sieve advertisements that project herbal concoctions which claim to cure infertility. Infertility stigma is so painful that it kills ones soul, body and mind silently. Infertility stigma is a silent killer, therefore let us join hands in fighting it.

By AGNES OPOKU SARPONG

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The eye is indeed the lamp of the body

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There is a scripture that is found in Matthew 6:22 which says that the lamp of the body is the eye and therefore the eye must see well to enable the body to get to its destination.  

What most people do not know is that behind the scenes, there is a strong interaction between the eyes and the brain before a picture becomes clear.  The state of mind therefore is crucial to the eye seeing clearly to enable the body to process accurately the information the eyes are feeding it for proper identification of what the eyes see. 

This is similar to how a person behaves i.e. what informs the decisions that forms in the mind that results in the actions that a person performs.  The actions of a person does not therefore just happen but is as a result of things that went on in the mind, which in most cases resulted from information passed on to it by the eyes either consciously or unconsciously.

There are so many issues that affect our society which makes one wonder, whether the people who displayed such acts were created by someone or something other than God. 

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How can a person see a beach created by God with beautiful beaches and fresh air blowing all around, decides to defecate at such places, and therefore desecrate the environment?  lt is simply mind boggling? 

When other people in other countries who dwell on the coast are using their beaches for tourist attraction purposes as a means of livelihood and also to promote environmental health, some people living around our beaches, have turned them into rubbish dumping sites and toilets. 

It is a very sad situation and the earlier we did something about it the better.  It is a national emergency that must engage the attention, first of the government and then the citizenry, where religious bodies and NGOs must play a critical role.

The things we focus on in this country, needs to be addressed.  Our minds which processes the info the eyes send to the brain, must be disciplined.  There are certain behaviours that a disciplined mind can ignore even when the eye has provided info to the brain.  One of the things a disciplined mind does, is the avoidance of a second look, which is critical for every person who wants to avoid adultery or fornication. 

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Once a person is not blind, he will see things.  The boobs, the ‘shankus’, the coca cola shapes, the light complexioned, the dark complexioned etc. the eyes will definitely see and report same to the brain.  What the brain or the mind decides to do or instructs the eye to do is the issue. 

It can decide to instruct the eye to take a second look and let the mind drool over it or say ignore it and that will be the end.

If the mind becomes trained to focus on environmental issues like clean environment, the eyes will automatically be reporting on insanitary conditions to the brain as and when it sees them.  The mind will pay attention to such data and begin to process them and to identify solutions to deal with the reported insanitary conditions. 

There is the need to encourage citizens to train the mind to focus on the right thing so that in tandem with the eyes, focus will be maintained.  When the mind is so trained, it communicates with the eye to also focus on hood things that helps in both are spiritual life and our secular lives, for indeed the eyes are the lamp of the body.  God bless.

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 Arming the Sikaman journalists to the teeth

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THE relationship between New Times Corporation (NTC) and African Concrete Productions (ACP) is based entirely on matters of the stomach. Each depends on the other in a dietary symbiosis, reinforced by the close proximity of each other

At lunchtime, you’d see a particular set of Times workers marching regimentally to ACP to face the wall. You’d think they are soldiers. It has long been declared that the company manufactures the best kokonte in the Greater Accra Region. ACP is, therefore, a culinary haven for those NTC kokonte fans, both male and female.

As the NTC kokonte warriors cross the border to ACP, you’d see some ACP banku fanatics dancing joyously to NTC. They are lucky folks because they do not have to obtain visa to enter into ‘Times’ to attack the balls of banku with precision and accuracy. They also claim that the lightsoup at ‘Times’ is arguably the best in West Africa.

So the relationship between the two entities was quite cordial and based practically on stomach palaver, until ACP workers staged an industrial revolution, whereupon the managing director, accountant and estate manager were allegedly stripped naked and locked up in a room. An insurgency had began in earnest.

An ACP worker came to ‘Times’, this time not to eat banku and okro. He had come to inform newsmen that juicy stuff awaited them at ACP. It could make a front page lead story.

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A camerawoman and a female reporter were accordingly dispatched to go and bring back news, juicy news as juicy as kokonte and groundnut soup.

Sikaman Palava
Sikaman Palava

I was driving to work when I espied the familiar camerawoman clicking away outside the ACP premises. I didn’t see any ‘Times’ reporter but angry workers who were on the verge of getting violent. I slowed down and the driver behind blew his horn at me like a lunatic. I drove on.

Later, I heard the reporter and camerawoman were harassed and brutalised. The report came,. “The camerawoman, Mrs Salome Adonu-Agbottah and reporter Mrs Doreen Allotey, in an attempt to retrieve the camera which the workers had seized from them were severely beaten. They were manhandled and almost pushed into a big gutter opposite the company’s premises.

BRUISES

“….The camerawoman had bruises on her body, her hand bag was destroyed and the money in it stolen. Mrs Allotey’s watch was also snatched and her feet stamped on.”

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Luckily, it was not her nose that was trampled upon. She has a beautiful nose.

The bad news was received with extreme sorrow. If the victims had been men, it would not have seemed too bad. But to brutalise women is just unacceptable. The New Times Corporation has not stopped mourning the incident which has been condemned in many circles.

Some people keep asking me why Times sent females to cover a potentially violent demonstration. I tell them they might as well ask why CNN’s amazon, Christina Amanpour, is assigned to cover the carnage in Bosnia-Herzegovina and Rwanda. She is always on the frontline in jeans and jacket.

Journalism is a potentially hazardous profession, and once you accept to study and practise the trade, you might as well bone up to face any assignment as long as your superiors feel you are capable of handling it or you have demonstrated the capacity to handle it. Both males and females can be assigned anywhere, anytime just like policemen and women are assigned.

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The only difference between cops and pressmen is that the latter are armed only with a pen and the former with a gun. The question is should newsmen also arm themselves so that in any event of an assault they would not be found wanting in self-defence? They can’t adequately defend themselves with a pen and a jotter. A pen cannot even disfigure an opponent’s upper lip.

Photo-journalists have particularly suffered violence. Spectator ace-cameraman Vincent Dzatse was severely assaulted by AMA men when he attempted to take pictures of their indiscretions.

Sports cameraman, P. K. Arthur has been beaten more than once at the sports stadium when riots errupted and he wanted to capture it on his lenses.

Some sports journalists have been banned from entering the Accra Sports Stadium by supporters because in their comments, they didn’t write “sense”. Some supporters once nearly lynched Christian Abbew, Spectator Sports Editor, near a courtroom. He was stoned like the biblical Stephen. He had gone to defend a contempt charge.

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I think it is time journalists met and discussed how best to defend themselves in any event of an attack by individuals or mobs. In the pursuance of their duty, they must be free from harassment and assault.

Some journalists go to work and return home with a black-eye or a double fore-head. It is just not right. Something has to be done about it. I think journalists should be armed. But first we must be trained in the use of firearms so that our warning shot do not hit below the belt. What about training in Kung Fu?

This article was first published on Saturday, October 17, 1998.

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