Features
INFERTILITY STIGMA, A SILENT KILLER
August 29, 2015 was a joyous day for me, I happily got married. Yes! It was my wedding day with all the glitz, fun and merry. During the ceremony a prayer was said for me for the fruit of the womb.
When it was time for the picture session, a woman whispered to me and said, “Agnes, you are not done yet, make sure a year by now, we attend your baby christening, do you hear me,”
At least this woman should allow me to enjoy the moment of the ceremony without any interference.
So right from the church auditorium pressure started to mount on me. Fast forward, after a year, no sign of pregnancy.
Almost all my friends who got married in 2015 had their babies christening the following year. This reminded me of what the lady whispered on my wedding day. During a church revival, the pastor called women who were married but had no children to approach him for divine intervention.
As a believer I hurriedly got up, there were other women who joined me because they had similar issue (infertile). The man of God prayed for us. My husband and I later decided to seek medical help which we did.
To my surprise in 2017 January I discovered I was pregnant! Oh My God! No words could describe how happy my husband and I were. Because this was a sign of relief from all the hustles and difficulty in explaining to people who kept on asking me, when I was going to have children.
There were those who told me I was aging, therefore needed to give birth and others who advised me to consult a herbalist or a prophet who could fast track things in helping me to conceive.
In my first trimester, I lost the pregnancy, a scan at a hospital showed that I had lost the pregnancy. My world came crushing down, how do I face and answer these people who have been asking me all sort of questions.
In that same year, I lost another pregnancy and I would never forget the anguish.
One afternoon as I went to the canteen for lunch a colleague at office drew a chair and sat beside me. She murmured “Agnes what are you doing, its been some years since you got married, are you not ready to conceive?”.
This colleague did not consider the fact that we were in a public place, therefore someone could hear what she asked. I lost appetite, I just gave her a smile ,got up and left the scene.
At a point in my life, I lost interest in attending social gatherings just to avoid being questioned. Yes! I was tired of being reminded I need to have my own babies. Fed-up of being directed to see herbalists. Tired of being prayed for during church revivals. I kept questioning myself whether being a woman is a mistake, or a crime.
Last year which was my fourth wedding anniversary marked the turning point in my life. I was finally blessed with a bouncy baby girl. On January 18, 2020 at a family gathering, I was told to have a second child, meanwhile my daughter is only 7 months old. Another pressure has set in, but I would not allow anyone to frustrate me. At my own pace I would decide when the next child would arrive. Say no to infertility stigma now.
It sad to note that most couple especially women are under pressure due such problem in marriage which has resulted in many breakdown of marriages.
Have individuals, society and the world at large thought about how such women feel whenever they are questioned or ridiculed on their infertility status?
My husband stood by me and advised that I pay no attention to such people during such trying times. Society has forgotten that “It takes Two to Tango” therefore it is not the sole responsibility of a woman to get pregnant.
Speaking to Dr Hope Quashie Mensah, Gynecologist at the 37 Military Hospital advised women facing infertility not to resort to herbal medicine but to see a doctor for investigation, adding that infertility could be treated.
According to him, some women resort to herbal concoction which leads to serious health implication and end up damaging their kidneys just because they want children and their peace of mind.
“You do not have to kill yourself because you think you cannot have children, there is hope in every situation, do not accept the pressure from society but keep on seeing your health professionals and with God all things are possible,” he said
In our Africansociety we have attached too much importance on children in marriage that, every couple is expected to have children by all means. But elsewhere, people marry and they decide whether to have children or not.
Here, normally the pressure from in-laws is usually mounted on the womanas it mostly assumed that it’s the sole responsibility of the woman to produce children.
When people marry within the first three months with continuoussexual intercourse then couples should be able to expect their first child that is if there is no reproductive health problem with any of them.
Dr Mensah said, research indicates that 60 per cent of infertility cases are due to male infertility and not only women were the cause, “In fact it is never so, we have noticed that most of the infertility issues are men factors, up to 60 per cent men,”
Being a victim of infertility stigma I think it is time the world take up the challenge, break infertility stigma and help couples who are struggling with infertility issues.
Training programs on infertility should be championed by leaders in the society to educate members especially men, that infertility issues are not only women related. Also to encourage women not to accept the fact that they could not conceive but boldly say no to infertility stigma that has become a canker.
As women, let us support our fellow women who might be going through infertility issues, because most of the infertility stigma are perpetuated by women. Women ridicule their own sisters, aunties, sister in laws for not being able to conceive.
Religious leaders should also know that not all infertility cases are spiritual, therefore the need to advise infertile couples to seek medical attention. Husbands should not join others to ridicule their wives but rather support them to overcome the situation. Family members should all support the call against infertility stigma. Couples with such issues should seek early medical treatment or advice. Government should also roll outprogrammes and interventions that would educate and deal with infertility related issues particularly in reducing the high cost of treatment.
Media organisations should sieve advertisements that project herbal concoctions which claim to cure infertility. Infertility stigma is so painful that it kills ones soul, body and mind silently. Infertility stigma is a silent killer, therefore let us join hands in fighting it.
By AGNES OPOKU SARPONG
Features
Tears of Ghanaman, home and abroad
The typical native of Sikaman is by nature a hospitable creature, a social animal with a big heart, a soul full of the milk of earthly goodness, and a spirit too loving for its own comfort.
Ghanaman hosts a foreign pal and he spends a fortune to make him very happy and comfortable-good food, clean booze, excellent accommodation and a woman for the night.
Sometimes the pal leaves without saying a “thank you but Ghanaman is not offended. He’d host another idiot even more splendidly. His nature is warm, his spirit benevolent. That is the typical Ghanaian and no wonder that many African-Americans say, “If you haven’t visited Ghana. Then you’ve not come to Africa.
You can even enter the country without a passport and a visa and you’ll be welcomed with a pot of palm wine.
If Ghanaman wants to go abroad, especially to an European country or the United States, it is often after an ordeal.
He has to doze in a queue at dawn at the embassy for days and if he is lucky to get through to being interviewed, he is confronted by someone who claims he or she has the power of discerning truth from lie.
In short Ghanaman must undergo a lie-detector test and has to answer questions that are either nonsensical or have no relevance to the trip at hand. When Joseph Kwame Korkorti wanted a visa to an European country, the attache studied Korkorti’s nose for a while and pronounced judgment.
“The way I see you, you won’t return to Ghana if I allow you to go. Korkorti nearly dislocated her jaw; Kwasiasem akwaakwa. In any case what had Korkorti’s nose got to do with the trip?
If Ghanaman, after several attempts, manages to get the visa and lands in the whiteman’s land, he is seen as another monkey uptown, a new arrival of a degenerate ape coming to invade civilized society. He is sneered at, mocked at and avoided like a plague. Some landlords abroad will not hire their rooms to blacks because they feel their presence in itself is bad business.
When a Sikaman publisher landed overseas and was riding in a public bus, an urchin who had the impudence and notoriety of a dead cockroach told his colleagues he was sure the black man had a tail which he was hiding in his pair of trousers. He didn’t end there. He said he was in fact going to pull out the tail for everyone to see.
True to his word he went and put his hand into the backside of the bewildered publisher, intent on grabbing his imaginary tail and pulling it out. It took a lot of patience on the part of the publisher to avert murder. He practically pinned the white miscreant on the floor by the neck and only let go when others intervene. Next time too…
The way we treat our foreign guests in comparison with the way they treat us is polar contrasting-two disparate extremes, one totally incomparable to the other. They hound us for immigration papers, deport us for overstaying and skinheads either target homes to perpetrate mayhem or attack black immigrants to gratify their racial madness
When these same people come here we accept them even more hospitably than our own kin. They enter without visas, overstay, impregnate our women and run away.
About half of foreigners in this country do not have valid resident permits and was not a bother until recently when fire was put under the buttocks of the Immigration Service
In fact, until recently I never knew Sikaman had an Immigration Service. The problem is that although their staff look resplendent in their green outfit, you never really see them anywhere. You’d think they are hidden from the public eye.
The first time I saw a group of them walking somewhere, I nearly mistook them for some sixth-form going to the library. Their ladies are pretty though.
So after all, Sikaman has an Immigration Service which I hear is now alert 24 hours a day tracking down illegal aliens and making sure they bound the exit via Kotoka International. A pat on their shoulder.
I am glad the Interior Ministry has also realised that the country has been too slack about who goes out or comes into Sikaman.
Now the Ministry has warned foreigners not to take the country’s commitment to its obligations under the various conditions as a sign of weakness or a source for the abuse of her hospitality.
“Ghana will not tolerate any such abuse,” Nii Okaija Adamafio, the Interior Minister said, baring his teeth and twitching his little moustache. He was inaugurating the Ghana Refugee and Immigration Service Boards.
He said some foreigners come in as tourists, investors, consultants, skilled workers or refugees. Others come as ‘charlatans, adventurers or plain criminals. “
Yes, there are many criminals among them. Our courts have tried a good number of them for fraud and misconduct.
It is time we welcome only those who would come and invest or tour and go back peacefully and not those whose criminal intentions are well-hidden but get exposed in due course of time.
This article was first published on Saturday March 14, 1998
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Features
Decisions have consequences
In this world, it is always important to recognise that every action or decision taken, has consequences.
It can result in something good or bad, depending on the quality of the decision, that is, the factors that were taken into account in the decision making.
The problem with a bad decision is that, in some instances, there is no opportunity to correct the result even though you have regretted the decision, which resulted in the unpleasant outcome.
This is what a friend of mine refers to as having regretted an unregretable regret. After church last Sunday, I was watching a programme on TV and a young lady was sharing with the host, how a bad decision she took, had affected her life immensely and adversely.
She narrated how she met a Caucasian and she got married to him. The white man arranged for her to join him after the marriage and processes were initiated for her to join her husband in UK. It took a while for the requisite documentation to be procured and during this period, she took a decision that has haunted her till date.
According to her narration, she met a man, a Ghanaian, who she started dating, even though she was a married woman.
After a while her documents were ready and so she left to join her husband abroad without breaking off the unholy relationship with the man from Ghana.
After she got to UK, this man from Ghana, kept pressuring her to leave the white man and return to him in Ghana. The white man at some point became a bit suspicious and asked about who she has been talking on the phone with for long spells, and she lied to him that it was her cousin.
Then comes the shocker. After the man from Ghana had sweet talked her continuously for a while, she decided to leave her husband and return to Ghana after only three weeks abroad.
She said, she asked the guy to swear to her that he would take care of both her and her mother and the guy swore to take good care of her and her mother as well as rent a 3-bedroom flat for her. She then took the decision to leave her husband and return to Ghana.
She told her mum that she was returning to Ghana to marry the guy in Ghana. According to her, her mother vigorously disagreed with her decision and wept.
She further added that her mum told her brother and they told her that they were going to tell her husband about her intentions.
According to her, she threatened that if they called her husband to inform him, then she would commit suicide, an idea given to her by the boyfriend in Ghana.
Her mum and brother afraid of what she might do, agreed not to tell her husband. She then told her husband that she was returning to Ghana to attend her Grandmother’s funeral.
The husband could not understand why she wanted to go back to Ghana after only three weeks stay so she had to lie that in their tradition, grandchildren are required to be present when the grandmother dies and is to be buried.
She returned to Ghana; the flat turns into a chamber and hall accommodation, the promise to take care of her mother does not materialise and generally she ends up furnishing the accommodation herself. All the promises given her by her boyfriend, turned out to be just mere words.
A phone the husband gave her, she left behind in UK out of guilty conscience knowing she was never coming back to UK.
Through that phone and social media, the husband found out about his boyfriend and that was the end of her marriage.
Meanwhile, things have gone awry here in Ghana and she had regretted and at a point in her narration, was trying desperately to hold back tears. Decisions indeed have consequences.
NB: ‘CHANGE KOTOKA INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT TO KOFI BAAKO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT’
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