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HAD I KNOWN…
At the age of 17, Ama Serwaa had already had three abortions to the surprise of her siblings and class mates who were in the same school within the vicinity.
Ama, as she was affectionately called, was not bothered by this fact even though for many of her friends in the school it was not a palatable story to write home about. To the surprise of everyone, Ama kept boasting to some of her female colleagues who she described as “too green” when it comes to matured life in the world of sexy people of today.
Indeed, Ama’s behaviour was difficult to explain by anyone who was closely associated with her family, seeing that members of her family came from a disciplined christian background. One of her cousins, Yaa Mireku, born two years earlier than her, had lived with an uncle in a nearby town for about two years before coming back to join Ama Serwaa’s family and lived with them.
No-nonsense person
Ama Serwaa’s uncle was one Kwaku Gyasi, a no-nonsense person, who did not compromise on issues whenever it came to disciplining children. His total life as an adult had been characterised by honesty and rigid discipline. It, therefore, came as no surprise when Yaa Mireku ended up as a disciplined young lady in her community.
Yaa Mireku was the type of person who was very friendly to everyone in the community including all the young men but was very careful not to engage in any form of amorous relationship with them. Her father, the late Opanin Kuntor, had been very strict on her and warned her several times to keep away from men who might entice her with all kinds of gifts to misbehave in society.
Christian life
Opanin Kuntor was the type of person who did not joke with his christian life. Though very strict, he was very jovial with children and sometimes behaved as if Yaa Mireku was his age mate. Many people admired Opanin Kuntor for this. As a person, his policy was “Do not spare the rod to spoil the child, but show respect to him as if he is your co-equal”. This made him different from other adults who were over-strict but sometimes unreasonable with showing care of tenderness to children under their control.
Yaa Mireku proved to be a very good girl and was the talk of the town. It, therefore, came as no surprise when at the age of 24 her hand was asked in marriage to the admiration of all. The marriage ceremony took a traditional form and received blessings from a pastor of the Presbyterian Church attended by herself and her grandmother.
Black spot in the family
In contrast to Yaa Mireku who happened to be a very good girl, Ama Serwaa proved to be a black spot in the family and continued as usual with different men who came her way. For her, the most important thing in life was acquisition of assets and properties which, she believed, could make her happy to live a good life.
Ama’s behaviour, as unpleasant as it was to people, proved detestable to well-trained female colleagues in the town. What was more surprising was her readiness to fight any of her colleagues who offered to give her good advice on the need to change for the better, “Mind your own business; we are different and, therefore, have different interests and tastes,” Ama would warn them.
With time, she became known as “we have different tastes.” By this, she meant that, one man’s meat was another man’s poison. If this is the case, she thought, then there was no need to scold her.
Pleasant demeanour
Ama Serwaa’s grandfather was a pastor in the Pentecost Church whose pleasant demeanour appealed to anyone he came in contact with. The children who came to stay with him grew to be good ambassadors and of good character. Having stayed with this uncle for about half a year, Ama Serwaa could not cope with the discipline required of her and, therefore, falsified stories about this noble man who she even described one time as a rapist. Many people did not believe her but others felt that some categories of men, no matter their seemingly piety, could attempt such rape cases on young and beautiful women who could easily be described as “juicy sweet sixteen”.
One day, Ama Serwaa brought an unknown young man to her parents in the community and introduced him as someone she would want to marry. Her parents could not believe their eyes and advised her to wait for some time before getting into marriage, but more as they advised, little was Ama prepared to listen.
AIDS and COVID-19
At a point in time, Ama left her neighbourhood to live with this strange man in a nearby town. Six months after taking this decision, Ama Serwaa became pregnant and wanted to abort it again but, tried as she did, she could not abort it this time. Unknown to her, Ama Serwaa had started developing some complications in her body due to her past sexual life. It came as no surprise when the village was informed that she had contracted AIDS.
Diagnosis on her showed that apart from AIDS she had contracted the COVID-19 disease also. Obviously, this was equivalent to “Two troubles, one God”, an expression used by people to indicate a situation where one person experiences double agonies.
Death
Her relations did what they could to save her life but after nearly one year, having spent all they had, lost her to the icy-cold hands of death. In other words, death laid its icy hands on her.
Before her death, she confessed that she had lived a very bad life and pleaded for forgiveness by her family. Her disappointed family looked on helplessly as her condition worsened day by day. Her very last words she uttered just before her death were “Oh! Had I known is always at last”.
After her death, some members of her family came around to bury her in line with the demands of custom but other members, disappointed as they were, kept away from the funeral rites saying that “Na who cause am! It is Ama Serwaa herself who has caused her own death”.
What do you think about this?
It is unfortunate that a situation such as this should arise. Understandably, we can appreciate the concerns of the family members who were disappointed by Ama Serwaa’s deplorable behaviour, but should they pay her back in the same way as she proved to be stubborn when she was alive on this earth?
Don’t you think that it would have been good to forgive Serwaa and actively taken part in her funeral, seeing that she was one of them?
But can you also blame them for their behaviour and the pain they experienced in their hearts?
Your guess is as good as mine.
By Dr Amponsah-Bediako
THE state of feeling rejected, could be a terrifying experience especially for those who have become used to fame. If not properly addressed, it could lead to depression and the consequences, could be disastrous.
When you are on top of your game in whatever profession you find yourself such that you become famous, a lot of people try to associate with you. The phone never ceases to ring and one is tempted to feel loved and very important.
When a disaster strikes and the fame or the money which was the source of the attraction fades away, the circle of friends and fans begin to shrink and the phone will start to stop ringing until the call stops voting completely.
You will be shocked at how people you considered friends, will no longer be calling you or pay casual visits as they used to. You will begin to notice that messages you leave after calling them and not getting a response are not replied to and that is when you begin to know who your true friends are.
One of the most popular movie stars was an actress called Sharon Stone. In an interview with one of the media houses that was published, she spoke about how people who should have come around to encourage her in her moment of depression, shunned her. The calls stopped coming.
This is what the Bible admonishes that the arm of flesh will fail you and therefore we should put our trust in God. It could be a very frightening experience and can easily lead to depression.
Human nature being what it is, people will want to get close if things are okay. Everybody wants to associate themselves with interesting things, famous people, rich people etc for mainly selfish reasons.
We need to develop the habit of putting our trust in God and relying less on human beings. The lesson we have to take along in life is that, no one marries his or her enemy so how come people who took vows that they will love each other become so hostile to each other that they want to go their separate ways in life? Such is the reality of life.
It is therefore prudent for people to recognise that, life is full of uncertainties and so there is the need to prepare your mind for uncertainties so that when they occur, they do not disorganise your mental sanity.
A lot of people have experienced situations where people who they could have sworn will never betray their trust have disappointed them when they were through challenging moments.
If there is one thing famous people should desire, it should be the ability to identify who are true friends are. Countless stories abound regarding incidence of celebrities who have lost their shine and their wives divorcing them soon after.
It is sometimes useful as a famous or rich person to sign a prenuptial agreement before marriage to safeguard or protect yourself from any future unpleasant surprises.
People can be very pretentious these days, it goes both ways. There is this real life story where a man married a divorced wealthy woman and convinced her to sell her house so they could build a new one together, with the excuse that people are gossiping that he is being housed by a woman.
The woman agreed and they put up a new building. After a few years the man asked for a divorce, only for the woman to realise that the land on which the building was situated, was bought in the man’s name.
This can drive a person insane, if you are not mentally tough and this happens to you. When people hear that you are homeless, a lot of your so-called friends will stop calling, so that you do not become a burden on them.
By Laud Kissi-Mensah
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‘But, er …. I don’t even know your name’.
‘Paul. Paul Allotey. I’m Sarah, by the way. Paul, why don’t you leave me here, since this is the last important thing I’m doing today’.
‘Okay. Now Sarah. I was just thinking. You will be here at the cafe for about an hour. By then it will be about twelve thirty. Then, you would be thinking of buying yourself some lunch, to eat here or to take home. So if you would please allow me, I will take you to one of the nicest eating places in town, and after you have sorted that one out, then I can drop you home. Just that one errand, then I won’t bother you again’.
‘You are not bothering me at all. You are being very kind to me. And I just realised you are a mind reader too. The last item on my agenda was lunch’.
‘I’m so glad I appeared at your doorstep, just in time’.
‘Okay. Now Paul, since you say the cafe is a comfortable place, let’s go in together, and you can do your work while I get my application done’.
‘Okay, Sarah. Thanks. Let’s go’.
We got back in the car at eleven forty-five.
‘So where are we going, Paul?’
‘To Royalty restaurant. It’s a twenty minute drive away’.
‘So, do you enjoy your job?’
‘Most certainly. I won’t change it, not even to be President. And am I right to say that you are preparing to enter the university?’
‘That’s my plan. I hope it works’.
‘It will, if you are determined, and disciplined. You look very much like a disciplined person’.
‘Thank you very much’.
We arrived at Royalty in twenty-five minutes, ‘You are joining me for lunch, Paul’.
‘Thanks for the honour, Sarah. But the bill is on me’.
‘Aren’t you taking on too much for one day?’
‘I never do anything that is bigger than me, Sarah’.
Over the next hour and a half, we discussed fashion, local and international politics, and sports, as we ate and relaxed. Finally, he drove me to the shop.
‘I will never forget you, Paul’.
‘I’m glad to have been helpful. But if you don’t mind, I’ll say it again, your husband is extremely lucky. You are really beautiful’.
‘Thanks again. But do you mind if I call you sometime in the future?’
‘Certainly not. Let me write it here. I will not ask for your number, for obvious reasons. But I will be looking forward to hearing from you. And hopefully, I will see you next month, when I call to drop your bill’.
‘Okay Paul. See you then’. What a lovely day, I said to myself as I opened the front door. I closed the shop and got home by seven. I went straight to the bedroom, stood in the mirror and took a good look at myself. ‘You are a very beautiful woman, Sarah. Never forget that’. I will not forget that, again.
Over the next several weeks, Martin and I had very little to do with each other. In the morning he ate his breakfast and after a shabby ‘I’m going’, he left. He came home around eight at the earliest, ate his dinner and, already soaked in beer, went off to sleep.
He spent the greater part of the weekends at the club house with his friends, playing tennis and partying. My mind was focused on furthering my education, so I didn’t complain to him, and didn’t bother to inform my parents about what was happening. I had decided that I would only take action if he lifted his hand against me again. I spent my free time reading all manner of interesting stuff on the internet, and chatting with my sister on WhatsApp.
One evening, he came home at about eight, rushed to the bedroom and rushed out. An envelope, obviously containing money, dropped out of his pocket, and I picked it up and followed him. I was going to call him and give it to him, but I noticed that there was a young woman in the car, so I went back in, counted it and put it in a drawer in the hall. He came back after some ten minutes.
‘Excuse me, I dropped an envelope containing money. You must have seen it’.
‘Yes, I saw it. Actually, I followed you, and was about to call you and hand it over to you when I realised that there was a woman in the car, so I came back in. I counted it. One thousand cedis.
‘Well let me have it. I have to be going’.
‘I will let you have it if you will tell me who the woman in the car is, and why you are going to give her that amount of money’.
‘Listen, if you waste my time, I will teach you a lesson you will never forget. Give me the money now!’
‘Here’s what we will do, Martin. I know you will give money to her anyway, so I will give it to you, if you will withdraw the threat you just issued. But I want you to know that I will be taking some steps from tomorrow. Things are getting out of hand’.
‘Okay, I’m sorry I threatened you. Can you please give me the money’. I handed it over to him, and he ran out’.
The following morning, I waited for him to finish having breakfast, and told him I wanted to have a word with him urgently.
‘You better be quick. You know I’m going to work’.
‘Well, I want to inform you that I will inform my parents, and your parents, about the situation in this house. As I said yesterday, things are getting out of hand. You spend most of your time drinking. You get drunk every evening, and through the weekend. And you are also spending your time and money on a prostitute’.
‘How dare you? One more stupid word from you …’
‘Am I lying, Martin? You have just started life, yet you are behaving like a rich, elderly man who has already seen his children through university, and can afford a life of fun. As I said, I’m going to inform our parents. Maybe your parents can straighten you out before it is too late’.
‘Look, we can talk this evening. It’s nothing like what you are saying’. He walked away, shocked.
That evening, I was expecting to have a meaningful discussion with him, but his mother called early in the evening to offer me some ‘advice’. Her son had called to say that certain developments at home were disturbing him so much that they were beginning to affect his work.
And, ‘as a loving mother to her daughter’, she was advising me to submit to my husband, and support him in prayer, and not ‘drive him from home’. Men would always be men, and she was telling me ‘from experience’ that no matter how much time Martin stayed away from home, he would always come home to me.
She had been a young wife before, so she understood the challenges I was facing. So I could be assured that if I followed her advice, all would be well. And, of course, she didn’t allow me to tell my side of the story.
Martin came home very late, and very drunk. And from the next morning, he carried on as before. With some hesitation, I called my dad and told him all that had gone on.
‘Well, my daughter. I’m not going to say “I told you so”. I was only trying to protect you. So here’s what we’ll do. Continue doing the best you can, and try not to give him any excuse to harm you, but if things continue to deteriorate, I will take you back.
A couple of days later, my cousin Dinah arrived in Accra from Brussels, having completed her medical course. With Martin’s agreement, I went to Koforidua and spent a couple of days. I spent most of the time chatting about her experiences in the US, but we also discussed my relationship with Martin, and she endorsed Dad’s decision to take action if Martin’s behaviour did not change after two weeks Elaine informed Mom and Dad. We endorsed Dad’s decision to take action if there was no change in two weeks.
Dinah returned with me to Takoradi. Her plan was to spend a couple of weeks, and return to Accra to be posted. I called Paul Allotey, and asked if he would meet her for lunch and, if possible, show her some interesting spots. Delighted, he suggested that we meet at Royalty the next day.
I told Martin about it, to remove any possibility of future disagreement over ‘going out with men’.
‘It’s fine with me’, he said, ‘if, of all the people who could show your sister round this town, you chose a borla man. Doesn’t that indicate the kind of person you are?’
‘ First of all, Martin’, I’ve spoken to him a few times, and he comes across as a decent guy, so I think it is rather unfortunate that you are writing him off when you don’t know him’.
By Ekow de Heer
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