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Destroying a good name
A trend that has always caused concern among far-thinking men is the trend toward encroachment upon the processes of justice, whereby various non-judicial agencies or officers accuse, try, convict, and impose penalties without what we have come to call “due process of law.” But there is another type of poaching upon the judicial process which is even more prevalent and persistent—and that is the judgment which malicious and irresponsible people sometimes presume to pronounce upon the character and qualifications of other people. Often in whispers, cowardly accusers try and condemn a man without any evidence except gossip or hearsay or their own prejudiced opinions, and often without the accused ever having known that he was on trial.
The word of the Scripture is positive in its injunction against unjust judgment: “Judge not, that ye be not judged.” This cannot mean, of course, that a man cannot be called to account for his conduct when fairly judged by those whose place it is to judge. But there are those who, because of some real or imagined slight, or jealousy, or envy, or prejudice, or because of the perverted pleasure of gossiping, are given to destroying the peace and effectiveness, the influence and reputation of others. The fact is that if we are looking for it, we can find offense against any man.
We can cut down the stature of any man in the estimation of others by minimising his virtues and magnifying his faults, or we can build up any man in the minds of others by magnifying his virtues and minimising his faults. But the scandalmongers and the gossips so often ignore the real and genuinely fine things about life and people and concentrate on the blemishes. And in the eyes of a jealous or prejudiced observer, anyone may be weighed and found wanting. People who are loose and malicious in their judgment of others are the instigators of more mischief and more misunderstanding than can be calculated. There isn’t any home or any heart that is proof against them. To sit in the judgment seat with malicious intent or with irresponsible thoughtlessness is a flagrant offence against humanity. “With what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged.”
In three lines of flawless poetry, Alexander Pope portrays how gossip is passed from person to person:
And all who told it added something new,
And all who heard it made enlargements too;
In ev’ry ear it spread, on ev’ry tongue it grew.”
If we haven’t considered the subject seriously, we may suppose that there is no harm in the idle telling of tales. At least it keeps up conversation. In fact, we may go so far as to ask as one person did: “If gossiping is such a besetting sin, why isn’t it covered by the commandments?” It is a good question, and there is a good answer: It is covered by the commandments.
As we recall, there is a commandment that reads, “Thou shalt not bear false witness”—and a very considerable part of all whispering and taletelling does bear false witness, if not by actual word, at least by innuendo; and if not at first, at least by the colour that is added in passing it from person to person. Often there can be more deadly malice in an unkind comment that passes behind hands or in the whispered venom that infectiously spreads from ear to ear than in an open accusation.
In Much Ado About Nothing Shakespeare tells of an innocent victim “done to death by slanderous tongues.” As far back as the memory of man goes, as far back as the record is written, reputations have been riddled by the loose lips of people who pass on what they hear, plus what they make up or what they imagine. And almost always they seek to establish their own innocence by saying that someone else said that it was so. “‘They say so’ is half a lie,” wrote Thomas Fuller. Perhaps all of us have asked ourselves: “Who is this ‘they’?” Whoever “they” are, “they” have much to answer for. “They” start most of the malicious rumours. If the truth is too tame, “they” add colour to suit themselves. And when “they”, are finally identified, and when justice is finally done, “they” will no doubt have to pay a price for every irresponsible word they ever uttered to the injury of others.
Email: samueleghan@gmail.com
By Samuel Enos Eghan
Attention-Deficit or Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is often mistaken for laziness or indiscipline. In consulting rooms across Accra and in reports from school teachers, the pattern repeats: children who are bright but forgetful, parents who feel helpless, teachers who see incompleteness.
Research is clear-Barkley (2015) and others describe ADHD as a difference in the brain’s regulation of alertness, impulse and working memory, not a lack of effort.
The family’s role begins with structure. Regular sleep, predictable meal and homework times, and a simple visual list (uniform → books → water → corridor) provide the external scaffolding of these children need. Praise what is completed—“You opened the book and wrote the first sentence”-instead of rebuking what is missing.
Schools can help by seating the child front-row and centre, giving short written plus verbal instructions, allowing brief movement breaks, using quiet nonverbal cues and, where possible, grading effort and method as well as neatness. These adjustments reduce conflict and raise submission rates without lowering standards.
Couples and caregivers should share roles: one grounds, one pivots, and both protect rest. Shame-“bad parenting, bad child”-needs replacing with fact: different wiring, needs scaffolding.
Outcomes improve not by promises of perfection but by daily routines, clear limits and warmed connection. One homework slot kept, one instruction chunked, one calm repair after blurting-these small wins shift the family climate and let the child be seen beyond the label.
Resource
• CPAC (award-winning Mental Health and Counselling Facility): 0559850604 / 0551428486
Source: REV. COUNSELLOR PRINCE OFFEI’s insights on special needs support, relationships, and mental health in Ghana. He is a leading mental health professional, lecturer, ADR Expert/Arbitrator, renowned author, and marriage counsellor at COUNSELLOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE) – 0551428486 /0559850604.
WEBSITES:
https://princeoffei22.wixsite.com/author
https://princeoffei22.wixsite.com/website
After two weeks of hectic activity up north, I drove to the Tamale airport, parked the car at the Civil Aviation car park as usual, paid the usual parking fee and boarded the plane for Accra.
Over the last two weeks, I had shuffled between three sites where work was close to completion.
One was a seed warehouse, where farmers would come and pick up good quality maize, sorghum and other planting material.
The other was a health facility for new mothers, where they were given basic training on good nutrition and small scale business.
And the third was a set of big boreholes for three farming communities.
The projects usually ran on schedule, but a good deal of time was spent building rapport with the local people, to ensure that they would be well patronised and maintained.
It was great to be working in a situation where one’s work was well appreciated. But it certainly involved a lot of work, and proactivity. And I made sure that I recorded updates online before going to bed in the evening.
When the plane took off, my mind shifted to issues in Accra, the big city. The young guys at my office had done some good work. They had secured five or six houses on a row in a good part of the city, and were close to securing the last.
When we got this property, unusually, Abena greeted them casually, and appeared to be comfortable in the guy’s company.
I was quite disappointed to hear that, because until the last few weeks, it seemed as if Abena and I were heading in a good direction. Apart from the affection I had for her, I liked her family. I decided to take it easy, and allow things to fall in whatever direction.
Normally I would take a taxi to her house from the airport, and pick her up to my place. This time I went to my sisters’ joint, where they sat by me while I enjoyed a drink and a good meal.
“So Little Brother,” Sister Beesiwa said, “what is it we are hearing about our wife-to-be?”
“When did you conclude that she was your wife-to-be? And what have you heard? I’ve only heard a couple of whispers. Ebo and Nana Kwame called to say that they have seen her in the company of—”
“Well said Little Brother,” Sister Baaba said. “By the way, Nana Kwame called an hour ago to ask if you had arrived because he could not reach you. Someone had told him that Jennifer had boasted to someone that she had connected Abena to a wealthy guy who would take care of her.”
I was beginning to understand. For some time, Abena had been asking me what work I was doing up north, and after I had explained it to her, she kept asking. So I think Jennifer fed her with false stories about me in order to get her to move to the Ampadu guy. Jennifer must have been well compensated for her efforts.
“In that case,” Sister Beesiwa said, “you should be glad that Abena is out of your way. She is easily swayed. Anyone who would make a relationship decision based on a friend’s instigation lacks good sense. I hope the guy is as wealthy as they say?”
“Who gets wealthy running a supermarket chain in Ghana?” Sister Baaba said. “Our supermarkets sell mostly imported products. Look at the foreign exchange rate. And remember that Ghanaians buy second-hand shoes and clothes. Supermarkets are not good business here. Perhaps they are showing off that they are wealthy, but in reality they are not doing so well.”
“Amen to that,” I said. “I’m beginning to understand. For some time, Abena had been asking me what work I was doing up north, and after I had explained it to her, she kept asking. So I think Jennifer fed her with false stories about me in order to get her to move to the Ampadu guy. Jennifer must have been well compensated for her efforts.”
She said that David Forson was only an agricultural extension worker in the north who did not have the resources to take care of a beautiful girl like her. And apart from being wealthy, the guy comes from an influential family, so Abena had done much better leaving a miserable civil servant like you for him.
“Amen to that,” I said. “I’m beginning to understand. For some time, Abena had been asking me what work I was doing up north, and after I had explained it to her, she kept asking. We would be able to sell all five houses to one big corporate customer, and we had already spoken to a property dealer who was trying to find a buyer in order to get a good commission.
That was going to be my biggest break. I had asked the boys to look for a large tract of land on the outskirts of the city where we could develop our own set of buildings, blocks of storey houses and upscale apartments. Things were going according to plan, and I was quietly excited. However, things were not going so well regarding my relationship with Abena.
My buddies Ebo and Nana Kwame had called to say that they met Abena and her friend Jennifer enjoying lunch with a guy, and Ebo believed that Jennifer was ‘promoting’ an affair between Jennifer and the guy. They were of the view that the promotion seemed to be going in the guy’s favour, because only an agricultural extension worker in the north who did not have the resources to take care of a beautiful girl like her.
And apart from being wealthy, the guy comes from an influential family, so Abena had done much better leaving a miserable civil servant like you for him.
“As I’ve already said, I will stop by her place, but I will mind my own business from now. Hey, let’s talk family. How are our parents? And my brothers-in-law? And my nephews and nieces? Why don’t we meet on Sunday? I’m going to drop my bags at my place, and go to see Mama and Dad.”
