● Rev Albert Seth Ocran and his wife Regina

Loving the same per­son for as long as four decades is definitely no mean achievement. Such a journey is no doubt fraught with woments of joy and challenges which need cool heads to surmount

If you are young and you hear about such marriage anniversaries, you are likely to wonder how such couples managed to live together for so long and may also be curi­ous to know what they could have done or are doing right to learn from them.

Well, Rev Albert Seth Oc­ran, the Former General Di­rector of Torchbearers Mission Incorporated (a Missionary Organisation at Korle Gonno in Accra) on Wednesday, was gracious enough to share some lessons and experiences through his journey with his wife Mrs Regina Ocran.

Even after forty years, he described her as “a great woman who has been a pillar in my life” as he revealed some “secrets” to The Spec­tator to help some young people to also make it to such a height.

He said there was the need for persons who wished to marry to seek knowledge on the subject matter, try to know more about their spous­es and should not take things for granted because marriage was a serious business.

He cautioned that, rela­tionship with violent people should not be encouraged under any circumstances.

“A violent person in the early stages of a relationship will definitely continue to be violent. So signs of violence at this stage signifies a ‘red flag’ which should need coun­sel and therapy to correct it. If there is no sign of change in character, the relationship should be discontinued” he said.

He, however, said if a spouse became violent after marriage had started, im­mediate counselling and

 corrective measures must be sought from the appropriate authorities within the church, mosque, community or the state, because violence of any form was unacceptable.

Rev Ocran observed that some people believed in using threats to have their ways and so will use that in a relation­ship .

He said threats no mat­ter the form should also not be encouraged because they were early warning signs for abuse.

He said to ensure peace in a marriage, couples should not fight or do things which could lead to fighting.

“Spouses should guard against unnecessary argu­ments which leads to a fight; if at the stage of friendship, dating and courtship there were signs which showed clearly that one partner en­joyed fighting or quarrelling, it is a ‘red flag’ of a potential abuser, so the relationship must not be encouraged to proceed “ he said.

The Former General Direc­tor said they married without pressure from anybody, not even their parents and, there­fore, encouraged the youth to do same.

“When a relationship is established without love and proper foundations, it will suffer abuse. Sometimes marriages which begin well, will develop problems due to external pressures and then abuse sets in” he observed.

Rev Ocran advised cou­ples to many when ready but should not yield to pressure with the idea that they were growing and so they should settle down.

He condemned acts of infidelity saying it should not be trivialised in relationships because faithfulness to one’s spouse was key to a successful marriage but the reverse was a major cause of abuse and compromised the peace in a home.

Rev Ocran advised persons who wish to get married to look out for signs such as the use of force, or anger by a partner to achieve their aims.

He said the use of force or anger to compell the other partner to isolate themselves from family and friends, stop work without a mutual con­sent, or restrict movements or access to basic needs, includ­ing health care should not be entertained.

He advised that those who wished to get married must be educated or acquired some skills to make them indepen­dent to support their spouse and children.

From Dzifa Tetteh Tay, Tema