Features
Blaming the Wrong Person
WHEN my bosom friend Kofi Kokotako was awarded a walking stick (Grade 9) in his Ordinary Level mathematics exam, he quickly blamed the maths teacher.
“He taught us the wrong things,” he claimed. I disagreed with him because others had Grade 1. Then he blamed his grandmother. “She is a witch,” he declared. After a while, he confessed, “I just didn’t practice.”
In Sikaman, the average human being blames others for his woes. Normally, the family witch is a stone, you can always swear that there is a spiritual reason behind it. Nothing happens by chance in Sikaman! Never!
If you wanted to wake up at 5.00 am to attend to some urgent business but slept too deeply and ended up getting up at 6.15 a.m., the old lady most probably engineered it electronically, by tuning your mind to a certain frequency far and above 99.7.
No wonder that news have been rife about people butchering, twisting the necks or stamping the buttocks of their mothers and grandmothers for electronically engineering their poverty, “I’ve been seeing her in my dreams telling me I won’t prosper”, they often claim. “Whatever business I do yields nothing. I’ve sold my house and all my belongings in order to survive. She deserves what I did to her. Looks like a bizarre way of judging suspects, you only have to dream and then look for a cutlass, sharpen it properly and detach your grandmother’s nose for no offence committed. And after her death, you still do not prosper!
My former classmate, Sir Kofi Owuo alias Death-By-Poverty, who has a lifelong alliance with Mr Joseph Poverty does not blame witches for his perpetual financial hypertension. He sees the world as one of unequals. ALL MEN ARE NOT EQUAL, at least financially.
Kofi Owuo is not that naive about the nature of the universe and wouldn’t stoop so low as to blame others for his hopelessness. He would rather blame himself for signing that unholy alliance after having refused to prosper. He won’t go and twist the ankle of his grandmother or pull his mother’s ears whether they are long or not.
Neither is he like the 48-year old teacher who created mirth in a Ho Circuit court on November 2 and when he decided not to blame himself. He stole 10 pieces of roofing sheets belonging to a Baptist church and when he was carted he decided to blame something else. He blamed the Economy of Ghana.
In a ‘Times’ report expertly penned by ace-reporter Alberto Mario Noretti, the teacher claimed, both my eldest wife and second child died in February this year, and in the following month, my youngest wife gave birth prematurely.” He ended by saying the prevailing economic situation compelled him to steal and pleaded with the court to deal leniently with him “since the offence was beyond my control.”
The judge was unsympathetic and explained to him that the economic hardships were global and not peculiar to Ghana. He fined him 200,000.
Well, blaming others for our predicament is as old as the beginning of time. When Adam was accused by God of eating the forbidden fruit, he quickly blamed Eve. “The woman you created gave me the fruit and I ate of it.” He didn’t state why he didn’t refuse to eat the fruit. He only wanted to escape blame. A smart guy there!
In Sikaman, blaming others unduly isn’t a new phenomenon. Ex-General I.K. Acheampong became disgusted with everybody blaming him when the rains were not falling that he was compelled to ask Ghanaians whether he was God the rain-maker.
Maybe Ghanaians thought the man was the representative of God on the Sikaman territory and therefore, knew all about the rainfall distribution and why the rains were not falling.
In 1983 when drought and bushfires destroyed our agriculture, many blamed it all on Flight Lt. Rawlings. If Rawlings had not been on the throne, there would have been no drought and no famine, they claimed. When then 1984/85 harvest was good and there was plenty to eat and belch noisily, everyone kept quiet and munched like mad, and never said, “Thank you Rawlings.”
FOOTBALL
Come to football! Any team that is beaten is not actually beaten. It has only been robbed. So the referee must take blame for the loss and if possible given a hefty slap so that next time round he won’t misbehave with the whistle. These days, however, some referees get themselves armed to the teeth before wielding the whistle. Some also engage in macho exercises and can deliver a terrible counter-punch when it comes to it.
In African politics, shifting blame is as old as democracy on the continent. No election has ever been free and fair. Tanzania today is embroiled in an electoral war with blames being apportioned left and right. Cote d’Ivoire has had its fair share and in Sikaman the so-called gurus of Ghana politics are yet to truly ascertain their claim to a stolen verdict. Whether another stolen verdict will be authored in 1996 is only a matter of time.
Well, blaming others for our failures and inconveniences has become part of the social culture. There is nothing wrong when we blame others for our woes so long as it is justifiable and provable. But to go about blaming the President for anything that is not even remotely connected to him is just unfortunate.
CONNECTION
When drivers of floating in Tema were recently being caught and harassed by the municipal authorities, thus causing inconveniences to passengers, some people blamed the government. When one man categorically stated that Rawlings must have ordered the exercise I was overawed. Luckily, another person around asked him whether what he was saying wasn’t stupid. If local authorities engage in an exercise, what earthly connection does it have to the man on top?
It is not strange, though. The President has been blamed for many things he is not culpable for. I won’t be surprised to hear people blaming their failed marriages, inadequate breakfast and natural floods on the President. He may even be responsible when some people constipate or develop kooko.
If for a change we could individually look more into ourselves than at others, we would be finding solutions to our problems. The very instance you keep blaming others, it means you’ve lost sight of your problem in the first place. And you’ll keep looking in the wrong direction for solutions that will never come today or tomorrow.
This article was first published on Saturday, November 11, 1995
By Merari Alomele
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THE state of feeling rejected, could be a terrifying experience especially for those who have become used to fame. If not properly addressed, it could lead to depression and the consequences, could be disastrous.
When you are on top of your game in whatever profession you find yourself such that you become famous, a lot of people try to associate with you. The phone never ceases to ring and one is tempted to feel loved and very important.
When a disaster strikes and the fame or the money which was the source of the attraction fades away, the circle of friends and fans begin to shrink and the phone will start to stop ringing until the call stops voting completely.
You will be shocked at how people you considered friends, will no longer be calling you or pay casual visits as they used to. You will begin to notice that messages you leave after calling them and not getting a response are not replied to and that is when you begin to know who your true friends are.
One of the most popular movie stars was an actress called Sharon Stone. In an interview with one of the media houses that was published, she spoke about how people who should have come around to encourage her in her moment of depression, shunned her. The calls stopped coming.
This is what the Bible admonishes that the arm of flesh will fail you and therefore we should put our trust in God. It could be a very frightening experience and can easily lead to depression.
Human nature being what it is, people will want to get close if things are okay. Everybody wants to associate themselves with interesting things, famous people, rich people etc for mainly selfish reasons.
We need to develop the habit of putting our trust in God and relying less on human beings. The lesson we have to take along in life is that, no one marries his or her enemy so how come people who took vows that they will love each other become so hostile to each other that they want to go their separate ways in life? Such is the reality of life.
It is therefore prudent for people to recognise that, life is full of uncertainties and so there is the need to prepare your mind for uncertainties so that when they occur, they do not disorganise your mental sanity.
A lot of people have experienced situations where people who they could have sworn will never betray their trust have disappointed them when they were through challenging moments.
If there is one thing famous people should desire, it should be the ability to identify who are true friends are. Countless stories abound regarding incidence of celebrities who have lost their shine and their wives divorcing them soon after.
It is sometimes useful as a famous or rich person to sign a prenuptial agreement before marriage to safeguard or protect yourself from any future unpleasant surprises.
People can be very pretentious these days, it goes both ways. There is this real life story where a man married a divorced wealthy woman and convinced her to sell her house so they could build a new one together, with the excuse that people are gossiping that he is being housed by a woman.
The woman agreed and they put up a new building. After a few years the man asked for a divorce, only for the woman to realise that the land on which the building was situated, was bought in the man’s name.
This can drive a person insane, if you are not mentally tough and this happens to you. When people hear that you are homeless, a lot of your so-called friends will stop calling, so that you do not become a burden on them.
By Laud Kissi-Mensah
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‘But, er …. I don’t even know your name’.
‘Paul. Paul Allotey. I’m Sarah, by the way. Paul, why don’t you leave me here, since this is the last important thing I’m doing today’.
‘Okay. Now Sarah. I was just thinking. You will be here at the cafe for about an hour. By then it will be about twelve thirty. Then, you would be thinking of buying yourself some lunch, to eat here or to take home. So if you would please allow me, I will take you to one of the nicest eating places in town, and after you have sorted that one out, then I can drop you home. Just that one errand, then I won’t bother you again’.
‘You are not bothering me at all. You are being very kind to me. And I just realised you are a mind reader too. The last item on my agenda was lunch’.
‘I’m so glad I appeared at your doorstep, just in time’.
‘Okay. Now Paul, since you say the cafe is a comfortable place, let’s go in together, and you can do your work while I get my application done’.
‘Okay, Sarah. Thanks. Let’s go’.
We got back in the car at eleven forty-five.
‘So where are we going, Paul?’
‘To Royalty restaurant. It’s a twenty minute drive away’.
‘So, do you enjoy your job?’
‘Most certainly. I won’t change it, not even to be President. And am I right to say that you are preparing to enter the university?’
‘That’s my plan. I hope it works’.
‘It will, if you are determined, and disciplined. You look very much like a disciplined person’.
‘Thank you very much’.
We arrived at Royalty in twenty-five minutes, ‘You are joining me for lunch, Paul’.
‘Thanks for the honour, Sarah. But the bill is on me’.
‘Aren’t you taking on too much for one day?’
‘I never do anything that is bigger than me, Sarah’.
Over the next hour and a half, we discussed fashion, local and international politics, and sports, as we ate and relaxed. Finally, he drove me to the shop.
‘I will never forget you, Paul’.
‘I’m glad to have been helpful. But if you don’t mind, I’ll say it again, your husband is extremely lucky. You are really beautiful’.
‘Thanks again. But do you mind if I call you sometime in the future?’
‘Certainly not. Let me write it here. I will not ask for your number, for obvious reasons. But I will be looking forward to hearing from you. And hopefully, I will see you next month, when I call to drop your bill’.
‘Okay Paul. See you then’. What a lovely day, I said to myself as I opened the front door. I closed the shop and got home by seven. I went straight to the bedroom, stood in the mirror and took a good look at myself. ‘You are a very beautiful woman, Sarah. Never forget that’. I will not forget that, again.
Over the next several weeks, Martin and I had very little to do with each other. In the morning he ate his breakfast and after a shabby ‘I’m going’, he left. He came home around eight at the earliest, ate his dinner and, already soaked in beer, went off to sleep.
He spent the greater part of the weekends at the club house with his friends, playing tennis and partying. My mind was focused on furthering my education, so I didn’t complain to him, and didn’t bother to inform my parents about what was happening. I had decided that I would only take action if he lifted his hand against me again. I spent my free time reading all manner of interesting stuff on the internet, and chatting with my sister on WhatsApp.
One evening, he came home at about eight, rushed to the bedroom and rushed out. An envelope, obviously containing money, dropped out of his pocket, and I picked it up and followed him. I was going to call him and give it to him, but I noticed that there was a young woman in the car, so I went back in, counted it and put it in a drawer in the hall. He came back after some ten minutes.
‘Excuse me, I dropped an envelope containing money. You must have seen it’.
‘Yes, I saw it. Actually, I followed you, and was about to call you and hand it over to you when I realised that there was a woman in the car, so I came back in. I counted it. One thousand cedis.
‘Well let me have it. I have to be going’.
‘I will let you have it if you will tell me who the woman in the car is, and why you are going to give her that amount of money’.
‘Listen, if you waste my time, I will teach you a lesson you will never forget. Give me the money now!’
‘Here’s what we will do, Martin. I know you will give money to her anyway, so I will give it to you, if you will withdraw the threat you just issued. But I want you to know that I will be taking some steps from tomorrow. Things are getting out of hand’.
‘Okay, I’m sorry I threatened you. Can you please give me the money’. I handed it over to him, and he ran out’.
The following morning, I waited for him to finish having breakfast, and told him I wanted to have a word with him urgently.
‘You better be quick. You know I’m going to work’.
‘Well, I want to inform you that I will inform my parents, and your parents, about the situation in this house. As I said yesterday, things are getting out of hand. You spend most of your time drinking. You get drunk every evening, and through the weekend. And you are also spending your time and money on a prostitute’.
‘How dare you? One more stupid word from you …’
‘Am I lying, Martin? You have just started life, yet you are behaving like a rich, elderly man who has already seen his children through university, and can afford a life of fun. As I said, I’m going to inform our parents. Maybe your parents can straighten you out before it is too late’.
‘Look, we can talk this evening. It’s nothing like what you are saying’. He walked away, shocked.
That evening, I was expecting to have a meaningful discussion with him, but his mother called early in the evening to offer me some ‘advice’. Her son had called to say that certain developments at home were disturbing him so much that they were beginning to affect his work.
And, ‘as a loving mother to her daughter’, she was advising me to submit to my husband, and support him in prayer, and not ‘drive him from home’. Men would always be men, and she was telling me ‘from experience’ that no matter how much time Martin stayed away from home, he would always come home to me.
She had been a young wife before, so she understood the challenges I was facing. So I could be assured that if I followed her advice, all would be well. And, of course, she didn’t allow me to tell my side of the story.
Martin came home very late, and very drunk. And from the next morning, he carried on as before. With some hesitation, I called my dad and told him all that had gone on.
‘Well, my daughter. I’m not going to say “I told you so”. I was only trying to protect you. So here’s what we’ll do. Continue doing the best you can, and try not to give him any excuse to harm you, but if things continue to deteriorate, I will take you back.
A couple of days later, my cousin Dinah arrived in Accra from Brussels, having completed her medical course. With Martin’s agreement, I went to Koforidua and spent a couple of days. I spent most of the time chatting about her experiences in the US, but we also discussed my relationship with Martin, and she endorsed Dad’s decision to take action if Martin’s behaviour did not change after two weeks Elaine informed Mom and Dad. We endorsed Dad’s decision to take action if there was no change in two weeks.
Dinah returned with me to Takoradi. Her plan was to spend a couple of weeks, and return to Accra to be posted. I called Paul Allotey, and asked if he would meet her for lunch and, if possible, show her some interesting spots. Delighted, he suggested that we meet at Royalty the next day.
I told Martin about it, to remove any possibility of future disagreement over ‘going out with men’.
‘It’s fine with me’, he said, ‘if, of all the people who could show your sister round this town, you chose a borla man. Doesn’t that indicate the kind of person you are?’
‘ First of all, Martin’, I’ve spoken to him a few times, and he comes across as a decent guy, so I think it is rather unfortunate that you are writing him off when you don’t know him’.
By Ekow de Heer
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