Alhaji is older than my father

Dear Obaa Yaa,

I have been traditionally married to an Alhaji at the instance of my parents at the age of 16 years.

Gladly, he has not had any sexual intercourse with me all this while.

Meanwhile, he funded my education from second cycle to the University where I have a year to graduate.

The idea was that I will finally move in to stay with him as husband and wife after getting my degree.

I will not be able to stand the shame and humiliation from friends if I marry him.

He is rich and caring, I must admit.

Should I agree to marry Alhaji who is few years older than my father?

Adiza,

Nima.

Dear Adiza,

YOU have been married to Alhaji traditionally, so technically you are his wife.

If you feel you don’t want this man, kindly discuss with your parents who gave your hand in marriage.

I must, however, warn that you might not have your way that easily after enjoying all the benefits Alhaji has offered to see you through your education.

The people to blame are your parents. They have put you in this trouble.

Discuss it with them as to how best they can get you out of it. It might mean reimbursing the Alhaji for all he has spent on you.

That may be a huge sum of money you cannot pay and I doubt if Alhaji will take it lightly with you.

Mummy has disowned me

Dear Obaa Yaa,

I am a 25 year old man who completed Kwame Nkrumah University of Science and Technology (KNUST) last year.

I had a confrontation with my mother after stealing her money to travel abroad; but this failed.

As a result, she has disowned me. My brother and I have sought the assistance of elders in our family and pastors to reconcile us but she has rejected all these.

She doesn’t talk to me nor cook for me. We leave like strangers in our home and I am uncomfortable.

I have pleaded with her countless times, but she doesn’t give ear to my plea.

I am burdened with this problem and I can’t cope anymore. I am sad and miserable. What should I do?

Ofori, Brekum.

Dear Ofori,

I guess you are just paying the wages of your sins. Come to terms with the fact that you have brought all of this upon yourself. Since you are so miserable, begin to work on yourself and turn away from your deeds.

You have already taken the first step by recognising your fault.

Now, begin to seek counselling from your church pastor and family elders.

When your mother sees and hears that you are now a changed person, I believe she will accept you back.

Obaa Yaa

I saw her with four boys

Dear Obaa Yaa,

I am a boy of 25 years and she is a 19- year old Junior High School graduate. We are neighbours and our relationship started a year ago. I made her understand that I am a Christian and therefore, our relationship would be platonic.

Everything was going on smoothly until I started getting complaints from her relations and friends about her immorality. When I confronted her, she denied it.

On June 30 this year, I personally saw her in the company of four boys. I reported her to my father and when he asked her, she could not utter a word.

On our way out, a man called her and she excused herself but did not return till later in the night.

I broke up with her the same day because I couldn’t stand the betrayal.

But my problem now is that she is going around insulting me.

I find this really embarrassing.

Nii, La

Dear Nii,

Try and get your parents or other family members to get in touch with the girl’s family to talk to her.

Besides at 25 years, you are still young. Concentrate on your studies or whatever you want to do in life for a career and stop getting involved in affairs of the opposite sex until you are ready to marry.