Obaa Yaa
Her father is against our marriage
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Dear ObaaYaa,
I am a banker in one of the reputable firm in the country. I have dated a lady who is also a caterer for the past four years and now want to get married.
Both of us finally decided meet her dad. And to my surprise, her father is against our marriage for no reason.
Surprisingly, my girlfriend sides with her dad, but she tells me she doesn’t know why he doesn’t agree. Or maybe it has been the plan all along for her not to marry me.
I’ve invested a lot in this relationship; rent, her business, my duty of care, and even healthcare, but they still say no.
Should I fight back? She’s living in a place I rented. Should I take my room back if she’s not going to explain? Or should I just be patient and see how it goes? I’m hurt, frustrated.
Safo, Takyiman.
Dear Safo,
The most important thing here is not the money you’ve spent or the support you’ve given. Marriage requires two willing people and, usually, the support of their families.
Her father’s refusal is not the biggest issue. Parents sometimes object to relationships for cultural, religious, family, or personal reasons. The bigger concern is that after four years together, your girlfriend is not being open with you about why.
Don’t “fight back” by taking revenge. If you rented the place solely for her and decide to end the relationship, you can make arrangements regarding the accommodation in a respectful and lawful manner. However, using the room or financial support as a weapon will only create more conflict and won’t solve the real problem.
Give them time to explain, but not forever. If weeks or months pass without a clear answer, you may need to accept that they have made their decision.
Protect your dignity. A person who wants to marry you will usually work with you to overcome obstacles. If your girlfriend refuses to explain and continues to support her father’s decision without discussion, that is valuable information about where you stand.
My advice is to remain calm, request a direct explanation, and make your next decision based on her response. If she cannot give you an honest feedaback, it may be wiser to step away than to keep investing your time, emotions, and resources in a relationship with no clear future.
A CEO visited his office and saw a man who was scrolling through his phone while sitting on a sofa.
The CEO asked, “What are you doing?”
The man replied, “Wasting my time until I’ll get paid.”
The CEO was furious, “What is your weekly salary!?”
Man, “$1000”
The CEO counted $2000 and gave it to the man, “Take this money and get out! You don’t work here anymore!”
The man silently took the money and left.
CEO walked up to the reception, “By the way, who was this guy?”
The receptionist said, “Pizza delivery”.
I didn’t understand why my father abandoned me as a child until he appeared recently and told me my mom placed a curse on him.
I was about thirteen or fifteen, my mom took me to the front of a big house and told me that is where I belong.
I knocked the door and the man sacked me from the house to go back to my mother.
Life with my mother was very tough until God came through for me to gain a scholarship.
Years later, I’d returned from abroad when this man walked up to me apologising.
I take care of him and provide him with everything. He needs my attention but I doubt if he will get that from me because he didn’t take care of me.
Jojo, USA.
Dear Jojo,
This is such a heart breaking story. No child deserves to grow up wondering why a parent was absent or feeling abandoned.
If your father’s explanation is true, the responsibility for leaving you still rests with him. A curse, fear, or conflict with your mother may explain his decisions, but it does not excuse abandoning his child.
Parents have a duty to love, protect, and remain present in their children’s lives, regardless of the problems between them.
Now that he has returned, it is reasonable to listen to what he has to say, but you do not have to accept everything without question. Ask him honest questions about why he stayed away for so many years, why he never tried to reach you, and what he hopes to achieve by reconnecting now. His willingness to take responsibility for his choices is more important than the explanation he gives.
At the same time, try not to carry the burden of your parents’ conflict. Whatever happened between them was their issue, not yours. You were an innocent child who deserved the love and presence of both parents.
If you choose to rebuild a relationship with your father, let it happen gradually. Trust is earned through consistent actions, not just words. If you decide not to have a close relationship with him, that is also your right. Forgiveness, if you choose it, should be for your own peace of mind, not because you are obligated to overlook the pain you experienced.
Most importantly, remember that your worth was never determined by your father’s absence. His choices reflect his decisions, not your value as a person.
The past cannot be changed, but how you respond now can help you find healing and peace.
