Relationship
Show me your friends and I’ll show you your health span
Friends sharing their challenges
“Me nyare n’anso me nti ap)” this is a popular akan saying that can be translated into English as “I am not ill, yet I feel unwell.” It’s that feeling when you just can’t place a finger on what is not right with you.
Today, I can confidently inform you that if you have felt this way in the past, you certainly had a point. Medical science has come a long way and we know that health and wellness go far beyond what we are used to; pains, heart disease, infections etc. that form physical health/wellness.
Other equally important aspects of wellness exist, and these may be classified as social, mental, spiritual, financial and digital health and wellness.
Do not be surprised when your doctor begins to ask you questions about your social network such as those you have close ties with i.e., family or friends or both. Longevity depends on a large extend on one’s social support system or network.
This is how the American Heart Association puts it “lack of SOCIAL CONNECTION is associated with increased risk of premature death from all causes, especially among men.”
This is no open ticket to spend all of one’s after work hours hanging out with friends under the disguise that you are prolonging your life or reducing your risk of premature death. Moderation is key in all things and your strong social ties need not be a whole village, all you need is a handful of loyal friends or family who know you inside out and have your wellbeing at heart.
If you are stressed out or have any mental health challenges, you should be able to speak to a close friend and sharing your challenge may just be enough or this friend may be able to advice you appropriately.
It is easy to laugh with such friends and not be worried about being judged and laughter as you know is MEDICINE. Close contacts may prompt you to take your physical health seriously but even if they don’t, that bond you share, the sense of belonging causes the body to produce feel good hormones that protect you and prolong your health span.
I prefer health span to lifespan simply because lifespan refers to just being alive but one may not be “living” as you may be bedridden, in a coma, have multiple organ challenges etc. We should all aim at a long health span.
The art of building strong social connections is one reason we need to work on getting our children away from their phones and other gadgets that deprive them of the opportunity to talk to their peers, share physical contact and form lifelong relationships.
Dear friend, choose your friends wisely if you want to live a long, healthy and happy life.
While you work on your social connections, let’s breathe our way to great health by following the steps below and repeat these steps daily;
1. Sit in a quiet place.
2. Avoid tight clothing (so loosen your belt, neck tie or other constricting clothing).
3. Take in deep breaths through your nostril and exhale slowly through partially closed lips.
a. At the peak of your initial inhale, take in another breath and hold for a count of 4 before exhaling.
4. Expand your belly as you breathe in.
5. Focus on your breathing and forget about everything else.
6. When your focus drifts off (and it will about 50 per cent of the time), acknowledge the thought but quickly return to your breathing.
7. Continue breathing in and exhaling for 5 minutes.
8. Increase the duration of this breathing/mindfulness over time.
…and remember to teach your friends to breathe too, after all together you will live a long healthy and enjoyable life.
AS ALWAYS LAUGH OFTEN, ENSURE HYGIENE, WALK AND PRAY EVERYDAY AND REMEMBER IT’S A PRICELESS GIFT TO KNOW YOUR NUMBERS (blood sugar, blood pressure, blood cholesterol, BMI).
Dr Kojo Cobba Essel
Health Essentials Ltd (HE&W Group)
(dressel@healthessentialsgh. com)
*Dr Essel is a Medical Doctor with a keen interest in Lifestyle Medicine, He holds an MBA and is an ISSA Specialist in Exercise Therapy, Fitness Nutrition and Corrective Exercise. He is the author of the award-winning book, ‘Unravelling the Essentials of Health & Wealth.’
Thought for the week (1) – “Lack of sleep may predispose you to many diseases including a STROKE. Jump into bed an hour earlier and sleep a stroke away. You cannot be healthy during WAR or VIOLENCE, let’s all pray and work towards PEACE in our WORLD”
Thought for the week (2) – “There is no magic formula to being happy but making a conscious effort to be happy goes a long way.” – Dr Kojo Cobba Essel
By Dr Kojo Cobba Essel
Relationship
Tips to improve family relationships
There is nothing like family. The people that are related by blood and marriage are expected to be our closest allies, greatest sources of love and support.
Too often, however, interactions with family are filled with misunderstanding and resentment, bickering and badgering.
Here are some tips to help bring family members closer
Take care of your health if you hope to take care of anyone else. The more demanding of your time your family is, the more you need to fit in exercise. Perhaps you and your family can seek out ways to exercise together.
1. Listen if you expect to be heard. Lack of communication is the loudest complaint in most families. The answer to “Why won’t they listen to me?” may be simply “You’re not listening to them.”
2. Teach emotional choice. Manage your moods by letting all feelings be OK, but not all behaviours. Model behavior that respects and encourages the feelings and rights of others yet make it clear that we have a choice about what to do with what we feel.
3. Teach generosity by receiving as well as giving. Giving and receiving are parts of the same loving continuum. If we don’t give, we find it hard to receive, and if we can’t receive, we don’t really have much to give. This is why selflessness carried to extremes is of little benefits to others.
4. Take responsibility for what you communicate silently. The very young and old are especially sensitive to nonverbal cues. More than our words, tone of voice, posture (body language), and facial expressions convey our feelings. We have to listen to our tone of voice and look at ourselves in pictures and in the mirror to assess our emotional congruency. Loving words coming through clenched teeth don’t feel loving—they feel confusing.
5. Don’t try to solve problems for your loved ones. Caring for your family doesn’t mean taking charge of their problems, giving unsolicited advice, or protecting them from their own emotions. Let them know their own strengths and allow them to ask you for what they need.
6. Make a lasting impression through actions. Your values will be communicated by your actions, no matter what you say. Be an example, not a nag.
7. Acknowledge your errors to everyone, including younger family members. Saying you’re sorry when you hurt someone you love, models humility and emotional integrity. You can demonstrate that no one is perfect, but everyone can learn at any age. Apologising proves you can forgive yourself and makes it easier to forgive others.
8. Discover what each person’s unique needs are. You can’t assume that your grandmother needs the same signs of love as your three-year-old or that either one will have the same needs next year. When in doubt, ask!
9. Be generous in expressing love. Everyone in a family (especially young children) needs the emotional reassurance of loving words, gestures, and looks. Those who demand the least emotional attention may need it most.
Relationship
Building trust in relationships and marriages
Trust is the glue that holds relationships and marriages together. Without it, even the strongest bonds can crumble.
As a couple navigates the ups and downs of life, trust serves as the foundation upon which their love, commitment, and loyalty are built. But what happens when trust is broken?
How can couples work to rebuild and strengthen this essential component of their relationship?
Trust is not just a feeling; it is a choice. It is a decision to be vulnerable, to be open, and to believe in the goodness of your partner. When trust is present, relationships flourish.
Communication becomes easier, conflicts are resolved more efficiently, and intimacy deepens. Trust allows couples to feel secure, to know that they can rely on each other through life’s challenges.
Signs of trust issues
So, how do you know if trust is an issue in your relationship? Look out for these signs:
– Suspicion and jealousy
– Defensiveness and accusations
– Lack of communication or withholding information
– Dishonesty or hiding the truth
– Emotional distance or disconnection
How to build trust
Fortunately, trust can be built and rebuilt. Here are some practical steps couples can take:
1. Communicate openly: Communication is the key to any successful relationship. Be honest, transparent, and open with your partner. Share your thoughts, feelings, and desires in a respectful and empathetic manner.
2. Be reliable: Follow through on your commitments. Show your partner that you are dependable and responsible.
3. Show vulnerability: Be willing to be vulnerable with your partner. Share your fears, hopes, and dreams with them.
4. Practice forgiveness: Let go of grudges and resentments. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning hurtful behavior, but rather releasing the negative emotions associated with it.
5. Cultivate intimacy: Intimacy is not just physical; it’s also emotional. Make time for regular date nights, meaningful conversations, and affectionate gestures.
Rebuilding trust
If trust has been broken, it is essential to work on rebuilding it. This process takes time, effort, and commitment from both partners. Here are some steps to take:
1. Acknowledge the hurt: Recognise the pain caused by the breach of trust. Acknowledge your partner’s feelings and validate their experience.
2. Identify the cause: Understand the reasons behind the breach of trust. Is it a lack of communication, infidelity, or something else? Identifying the root cause can help you address the issue more effectively.
3. Work together: Rebuilding trust requires a joint effort. Work together to establish new patterns of behaviour, communicate openly, and rebuild intimacy.
4. Seek help: If needed, seek the help of a couples therapist or counselor. A professional can provide guidance and support as you work to rebuild trust. Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) can be helpful in that vein.
Building trust in a relationship or marriage takes work, commitment, and patience. It is a journey that requires effort from both partners. By communicating openly, being reliable, showing vulnerability, practicing forgiveness, and cultivating intimacy, couples can strengthen their bond and build a foundation of trust that will last a lifetime. Remember, trust is not something that can be demanded; it is something that must be earned and nurtured. With time, effort, and dedication, couples can build a strong, trusting relationship that brings joy, happiness, and fulfillment to their lives.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “COURTSHIP MATTERS: Keys to a Fulfilling Lasting Marriage” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Lecturer, Published Author, and Marriage Counsellor).
