Obaa Yaa
Can women be trusted?
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man who is trying to find my true bearing in life and equally battling with a relationship issue.
I am of the view that despite the challenges that confront man, life must be lived to its fullest. I have been single for the past six years after my first girlfriend broke my heart.
Though I did all I could to make her feel what true happiness was, she succeeded in breaking my heart by leaving me for a rich man in our community.
The trust I had in my lady coupled with the pain I endured as a result of the break up has made it impossible for me to propose to another lady.
My disappointment is gradually giving way since I am a bit skeptical about entering a new relationship due to my past experience.
I am not enthused about the ladies around me who appear to be loving because I feel they could also treat me like my previous lover.
Please how do I know if one of these ladies would be the right person to marry?
Newton, Spintex-Accra.
Dear Newton,
I wish to assure you that women can be trusted and that you cannot judge all women by the character of one woman.
You must stop crying over spilt milk now that your former lady has a lover. Additionally, your action is being guided by the adage which says “Once bitten twice shy.”
It is unfortunate that your past experience in a relationship is having a serious effect on your imagination and this is preventing you from taking the next step in your relationship.
Your first experience should not cloud your imagination about the positive side of life. However, you must take inspiration from another adage which says “If you fail to take risk in life, you cannot win a war.”
You ought to consider taking another risk by going into a relationship, and since all the hands are not equal, you may be surprised to meet a lady with a different character and there is the possibility that the two of you will be compatible and end up becoming a successful couple.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
