Obaa Yaa
He is now eager to claim my child
Dear ObaaYaa,
It all started when we were in SHS and academic work had relaxed a little during sports week. We bumped into each other and coincidentally lit the fire of love.
Since then we went through thick and thin with series of difficulties, petty quarrels but in the midst of these l got pregnant to my surprise.
Having examined my condition for a week, I informed my boyfriend that l was pregnant but he flared up and rained insults on me. He concluded that he was not responsible for the pregnancy so l should look for the person who had made me pregnant.
He further said he suspected l was having an affair with another man and thanked God that his suspicion had come through. He suggested that l should abort the pregnancy or look for the one who had made me pregnant.
Gripped with fear, l approached one of his close friends to inform him about what had happened and the unfriendly comments his friend had made.
Since his friend’s intervention could not help matters, l sensed that l was left to face the world alone in humiliation.
I foresaw that l would face serious embarrassment if l kept mute over the issue, so l informed my mother about it.
Though my father’s anger is difficult to control, my mother informed him about the shame l had brought to the family and the embarrassment l had caused myself.
Now that my child has reached a tertiary level, he is trying to claim the child but l still feel the pains and l am not prepared to give in. Would l be wrong if l maintain my decision not to allow him to own the child?
Akos, Nsawam.
Dear Akos,
This gentleman had earlier shot himself in the foot when he said he was not responsible for your pregnancy, and added that you should look for the person who had made you pregnant. Therefore, on what basis is he coming to make claims to the child?
Having issued threats ever since, he had not made any attempts to support you in taking care of the child until now, for that matter he has no claims to the child.
I am pretty sure your parents will not take kindly to this request so keep your calm and ignore his threats.
If he is determined to claim the child then he should go to court and be prepared for a DNA test and any cost that would be imposed on him for shirking his responsibilities until now.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
