Obaa Yaa
Can lost wedding ring spark problem in marriage?
Dear ObaaYaa,
A close friend recently lost her wedding ring on a journey and some of us initially did not accord the problem the importance it deserved. However, having considered the tears which dripped from her eyes and the perspiration that had engulfed her made me feel sad about the incident.
This incident set me thinking about what might have caused her to perspire profusely when she discovered that her ring had gotten missing.
Though the bus in which we were travelling had covered some kilometres from where she suspected the wedding ring fell, she insisted to alight and our driver obliged to wait for her.
Thank God she found the ring at the place she suspected it might have fallen and the spontaneous joy that filled us on receipt of the news was quite refreshing.
Can the loss of this ring spark a problem at home since it was a mere accident?
Emelia, Accra.
Dear Emelia,
This column would like to commend you for sharing in the grief of your friend. Every human or married person in the right sense must be worried for the loss of a wedding ring.
Though the incident looks like an ordinary misfortune, it has different connotations which could be interpreted differently.
Additionally, the shedding of copious tears by this woman was to tell the world the sort of husband she had and the reaction which awaited her at home.
On the contrary, a discerning husband who is not jealous and understands issues will consider the problem a misfortune and would not hesitate to sympathise with the wife and quickly arrange to buy a new ring for her but the same cannot be said of other men.
Others will infer that the woman could possibly remove the ring to enable her to have an illicit affair and this will spark a serious quarrel which could lead to divorce.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
